talking the talk
My specific interest is in what philosophers call the ‘pragmatics’ of speech. That is, I am less interested in what words mean than I am in how speaking can be understood as a kind of action that has a pragmatic effect on the world. Philosophers who specialise in what is known as ‘speech act theory’ focus on what an act of speaking accomplishes, as opposed to what its words mean.REBECCA KUKLA
When we talk about what happens when having sex, we usually talk about the ACT. But the act of having sex usually has other components: gestures, words, movements that convey implicit and explicit consent. I think we usually don't really focus on what we say during sex. We are caught up in the moment and like the occasional and impromptu spanking, the explicit voicing of a command or expletive are both titillating and invigorating.
I don't find profane language during sex to be a turn off. Quite the contrary. I find dirty talk during sex to be very titillating. When you talk dirty during sex, that act of speech becomes both an invitation and communication. An invitation to take part of a very intimate exchange, not only in the sense of having sex, but of letting the one who's with you into your state of mind. It is also communication, because even though it is not explicit consent in the sense that it openly accepts the rules set by the semantics of the words uttered, it allows for an expression of a desire that otherwise would be tacit and that does not become part of the act of sharing affection.
When you talk dirty to me, I find it liberating. It suggests a possibility, it opens the door to the fulfillment of a fantasy that may or may not have to do with what is actually going on at the moment. That is what makes it a gift. And gift giving is another kind of invitation when it concerns sexual pleasure. I don't think it means it somehow does not follow the rules of consent or that it represents any actual feelings. From my point of view, it has more to do with the creation of a safe place to express either a desire or to let go of social conventions. It has more to do with the reality of sex than with the actual relationship.
Like expressions of love, I think dirty talk can be reciprocated or accepted at the moment but not really rejected. It should not be taken for what it means, but for what it accomplishes. I feel that when we reciprocate or acknowledge dirty talk, it accepts an implicit sexual invitation. And sexual invitations are welcoming without being demanding. It is not a request to take what is said for an absolute truth but as an enticement to partake in an intimate game and in that way it lets the recipient free to accept it and continue the exchange or it helps keep the balance of sexual intimacy.