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How to deal



I agree with many of the things the YouTube Gays say when it comes to hooking up, taking care of yourself, dating and the such. And Jakey Poo is usually quite entertaining in his ramblings and observations, but one of the things he said about attraction in this video did stick with me: in few words, how to deal with not being a ten and being envious of hot people. 


What kind of fresh hell? Being gay does not amplify anything in me. Well, it does, but it has nothing to do with my self-esteem or my body image. Seriously,  I have never thought 'oh, he's a TEN and therefore I need to have him' when I see a man I find myself interested in. I find him attractive and that's about it.  I would definitely not try to have anything to do with someone that makes me feel envious, that's for sure. Envy is not an emotion I want to feel when I'm with anybody. Doesn't that  kind of defeats the purpose of having any kind of relationship with anybody? I'm confused.


I don't feel I'm attracted to men who have the same body/face/ I would try to emulate. Doesn't that strike you as a little bit too narcissistic? Why would anybody do that? I understand the idea of 'complement' when looking for a mate, but emulate? How would that work? It has never crossed my mind. Maybe because I'm attracted to so many different kinds of men?  I usually do not look in the mirror and try to figure out if the men I'm attracted to does check all the marks of what I believe I'm lacking. BTW, I had to go and google 'Mewing' because I had no idea what Jakey was talking about. 



I do agree, though that staying away from Instagram would be a good strategy for someone with any kind of insecurities, because the amount of 'shopped and filtered images of beautiful men there really is overwhelming. If anybody has any kind of issues with their body or their face, they need to solve those first instead of go head on against that wall. Why would anybody do that? And why would anybody feel they are less-than by looking at the 'likes' these men with thirst traps every two photos have? Instagram is not real life.  Those people have tweaked the photos, used the most flattering possible angles and posed exactly the way is needed to loot at their most exceedingly best before posting anything. Also, they have mostly being on the receiving end of a genetic lottery that few other benefit from. It would be madness to compare ourselves to somebody like that.


If scrolling endlessly down Tumblr/Instagram/Blogger looking at handsome men with perfect physiques and chiseled features makes somebody feel inadequate and jealous, why would they do it? It seems to me like an exercise in futility and masochism. It blows my mind, really. Also, what's with the categorizing? I'm not a ten, or a eight, or a three, as far as I know. I have never really put myself on a likert scale, darling. But at the same time I don't slide down a wall in anguish because there's tons of perfectly sculpted Adonis-like men online. I can appreciate if someone is attractive (to me) and move on without having my self esteem wrecked. I could also accept that a man does not find me attractive. That's totally natural. The only way everybody would want me is if I were a hundred dollar bill. And that, I'm sure I'm not. 

@TEDDYTORRES

Because at the end of the day here's the thing: not everybody who is attractive to me is going to be attractive to everybody else. Want an example? Just look at the men in this post. I find all of them very attractive. All of them. I would not say 'no, sorry, you're not a 10' to any of these gentlemen. I do not think that they are going to be attractive to everybody else, either. Maybe they're not hot enough for somebody reading this post. Maybe they're too old, or too young or too hairy or not hairy enough. The list of requirements for some people can be really long. And no, they're not 'a perfect 10' to me. What is a 10, anyway? Is that some kind of gay code I did not learn? Should I return that toaster, Bob? I seem to have failed Gay 101. Woe is me.



@NATESTETSON

Of course there are always be levels of attraction when finding a mate or a hookup. But I don't agree with the idea that we're only into one of the tribes (bear, otter, twink, jocks, leather, you name it). That is absolutely crazy and limiting. Objectifying a man does not require pigeonholing him. I can definitely objectify all the men in this post without having to decide that one of them is hotter than the others. I'm an equal opportunity objectifier. Oh, and I went with porn stars because it's easier to find naked pictures of them online, natch. But you get my drift.



There's not ONE way to be attractive. I've had relationships with people whom I've found attractive and that's about it. I don't tend to analyze them to decide what is it they have that I want to have. I'm with them because we're attractive to each other and because we make each other feel good. I have never stopped to think that I'm a 7 dating a 10. Or that I'm a 9 dating an 8. What kind of fuckery is that? That would be torture. I need answers. Do all gay/Bi men think like this? Jake talks about distinguishing between envy, attraction and lust. But that they all kind of intermingle and for form desire. But I think I do not try to compare the men I'm with with myself in any way. I think we need to have things in common, but I don't put his assets and my assets in a balance and measure them and then decide that yes, I want to be with them. 

I think at the end Jacob kind of regains some sanity and decides to add that taking care of ourselves will make us feel better. Duh. Mens sana in corpore sano, isn't that the way it goes? Is that too hard to figure out? Apart from the endorphins we get for doing things that make us feel and look good, that should be something everybody should do: work on themselves so they feel good about themselves. The rest will follow. His outlook is not really too optimistic, though: he thinks once we hit thirty is all downhill from there. I laughed. Some gays definitely think there's a 'target demographic' when it comes to desire. Really. They're gonna get a surprise once they hit that age they dread so much.


XOXO


P.S.: I feel that one person who commented on the video kind of summarizes the whole thing well, though:

Jean-Philippe Giroux
8 days ago
"The older I get, the more I accept that there is a difference between aesthetic and energy. I realise that, often, I am envious of an aesthetic, but not of the individual I am seeing, especially if their energy does not go well with mine. I can look at a hot person and accept that I love what I am staring at, and that's pretty much it."

Comments

  1. "We all die and rot." LMAO

    I just do not get the appeal of Instagram. Body image has never been an issue with me, nor has 'style' or 'look'. And, why look (lust) at a photo on Instagram when you could have a fuck video on Twitter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha!
      It's true. And Instagram is cute if you're there to look at puppies or plants. But it can be a cesspool of fuckery for those with body issues.

      XOXO

      Delete
  2. Jimmy, I loved that quote, too.

    I do like looking at handsome men, too. All of the men you posted are hot, and there’s a lot to see there. And the more I watched the video, the more attractive Jake got. I think it’s hard to verbalize what an individual finds attractive. For some of us it’s “I’ll know it when I see it.” And, as you said, what we find attractive may not necessarily be what we look for in a mate or relationship.

    It’s ALL very complicated. Let me know when you’ve distilled it down to a simple formula.

    XOXO 👨🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏽

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heh.
      Same. And I think Jake is attractive, too! I cannot understand some gay men, I'm telling you. And you're right. 'Attractive' is like porn: I'll know it when I see it.

      And if I find the formula, you'll be the first to know.

      XOXO

      Delete
  3. Interesting take. I have never considered myself "good-looking." Nope. Never. When I was dancing, I was in damn good shape, but good-looking? Nope.
    Sure, ogling pretty people is fun, getting a good solid boner while doing so is (used to be) fun but, at the end of the day, in real life, it's personality that attracts me, that creates the connection. XOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, and thank you for the suggestion to change the settings. I lowered the screen brightness and it helped a bunch! XOXO

      Delete
    2. I totally agree.
      The idea of 'good looking' is absolutely arbitrary and cannot be trusted. And yes, people bemoan the 'beauty inside' but it's really what counts. Once you've cum, pretty can get annoying very fast.

      And I'm glad that worked!

      XOXO

      Delete
  4. I don't really watch things like that on Youtube.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course you don't Dave.
      But do you only fuck tens?

      XOXO

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Oh, I loved it!
      She did the song justice. Very talented. And who knew Dave had such a talented daugher?

      XOXO

      Delete
  6. I've always been more attracted to smarts and funny than looks. I mean, what you call hot, I might think is unattractive and vice versa.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same.
      A man with charm and wit is always much more interesting. And 'hotness' is the most arbitrary thing ever.

      XOXO

      Delete
  7. I'm like you. I have always dated men that are the complete opposite of me. When I see couples who look so much alike, this may sound catty, but they are already on my last gay nerve. I could never understand why one would want to date someone people will think is your brother or twin. I find it very unnerving. And it's even worse when they dress the same. Matchy matchy... Oh..... make me barf.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, dear.
      They hit the same gay nerver in me, so it's not just you. I can smile at couples that wear the same color or even the same shirt, that's almost cute. When they look like twins? It's kind of disturbing. They're literally fucking themselves.

      XOXO

      Delete
  8. I like a wide variety of men and no longer understand why some men are considered a ten and other not. F that noise. We're all tens, hon... on our best days. And those supposed tens? Well, they're human and they have many, many days when they aren't a ten. When someone I'm with whines about not being this or that or being fat or whatever... I just tell them to they are perfect... they are unique... they are what they are and they need to embrace it. Love themselves. I love my old man self. I am dynamite. I keep amazing myself. And sure, I have days when I am not feeling 'me,' but we all have those days. Let's get over this picture perfect nonsense and this living a perfect life crap. We are out own perfection, our own creation. I love my every wrinkle. I love my every sag. I find everyone attractive - unless they're ugly inside... then... F 'em. Kizzes.

    ReplyDelete
  9. believe me: I still distinguish the real world from that on social media. And I feel comfortable with my body and my sex and my homosexuality.

    ReplyDelete

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