GOP-Harmony


From the guys at Circle Jerk at the Square Dance the best piece I've read this Fall:

GOP-Harmony

Two men in suits appear on screen. Their faces are blurred.

MAN #1
It’s hard when you’re holding hands with someone at a prayer breakfast and wondering, am I feeling more than the power of Jesus?

Cut to another pair of men, also dressed in suits.

MAN #3
The guys I’d meet randomly would find out I’m a Republican and want to get into it about Bush. I’d tell them, hey, if I wanted to get into bush, I’d be home with my wife.

MAN #2
Yeah, I didn't hire you to be the speaker, I hired you to be the whip!

Cut to the GOP-Harmony spokesman.

SPOKESMAN
At GOP-Harmony, we put you in touch with conservative congressmen, party leaders, and “reporters” looking for someone special for at least 15 minutes. We use 29 distinct items to match you to the perfect liaison.

Some of the categories float by: Denial, Self-Loathing, Committee Memberships, Inseam

Cut back to #3 and #4, holding hands.

MAN #4
It’s not easy to find a man who’s into tax cuts, nation building, and bare-backing. (raises his partner’s hand) But I did!

MAN #3
I'd look like a real hypocrite if I used condoms—I’m chair of the Presidential Commission on Abstinence!

SPOKESMAN
With GOP-Harmony, you don’t have to worry about messy exposés or embarrassing mug shots. We rigorously check out all of our members, weeding out officers, agents, reporters, bloggers….

Cut to another pair of men. One is dressed as Ronald Reagan, the other as Nancy.

REAGAN MAN
Now I never have to ask, “Are you a cop or from The New York Times?”

NANCY MAN
Unless we’re role-playing! (laughs)

SPOKESMAN
And you have our GOP-Harmony Guarantee—none of the men you’ll meet are gay!

Cut back to the first two men.

MAN #2
When people ask me if I’m gay, I ask them, “If I was gay, would I be voting against gay marriage?”

MAN #1
Exactly! I just want to have sex with guys, not a relationship with them.

MAN #2
Thank you, GOP-Harmony!

Cut to the Spokesman.

SPOKESMAN
So what are you waiting for, a subpoena? Go online today to complete your confidential, fully encrypted GOP-Harmony profile. Act now and you’ll also receive our free, full color Congressional Page-a-Day calendar, the perfect way to get up in the morning!


Incredible, how self-hatred fuels desire and how losing contact with your own body allows you to disconnect yourself from your core and enjoy what your mind tells you can not be you. Denial in closeted hypocrites is so strong that they go to their graves thinking they have done no harm to themselves or others.
Funny, how I can laugh at these Repuglican assholes who fuck other men while deluding themselves thinking that they 'are not like that' and at the same time despise them for their lack of balls and blind stupidity. Funny, how they consider themselves to be straight while fucking other men. How can you be a six in the Kinsey scale if the sight of dick makes you salivate? If a man's ass makes you hard? If the thought of a body like yours makes your heart beat faster? But they are not alone. Are they?
Denial and self-hatred take home in the most unexpected places. Have you looked at the face in the mirror lately? What does it tell you?

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