November 21, 2017
Is anybody there? I have not posted here for YEARS. I just suddenly remembered the handle for this blog and looked it up. The rush of memories came back. I told Merlin, a fellow blogger from way back then that I wanted to post again, if I remembered how to log on. And I did. Yay me. So many things have happened. So much time and men and life has gone by me. But I'm still here. After all, that's what matters, no? artwork by douglas simonson https://www.artfido.com/listing/2736973787/Colorful_Expressionist_Portrait_of_Young_Asian_Male See you soon, cyberspace.
August 14, 2012
June 9, 2012
I know. It's been forever. But I've been dedicating most of my time to tumblr and man is he a demanding lover. The thing about tumblr is that instead of reading my -sometimes turbulent- prose, you just get a visualization of my stream of consciousness. But some things do need to be put in black and white. Like the fact that I let a man I'm interested in read this blog and my tumblr. Yep. No stonewalling. No shy, lame attempts to pretend he has to know what I'm thinking. Most of the time, he knows for sure. And I have to say the feeling is liberating. It's like taking off soaking wet clothes. Sometimes with him I feel more naked than nude. He knows my body, but this goes beyond that, beyond the nakedness of the skin. When he looks at me, I feel he sees me. The me who needs him, the me who fears things, the me who's insecure, the me who's silly. All those parts of me that make me whole. And it feels good. Disclosing who you are is more liberating than telling someone you don't like apples or cooking or listening to Black Sabbath. Disclosing who you are has nothing to do with what you do but with what you want and need. And I have come to realize that I want and need him. And he has told me he wants and needs me. So I guess we're a good match. Complications be damned. I'll live in the today. Tomorrow can wait.
December 31, 2011
Well, another year. Another entry on this blog. And I also know that when we talk about ourselves we tend to be complacent. And blur the facts. But we all do it nonetheless. So this year has been eventful. Not like every one of my years is not eventful. I live in this kind of alternate universe in which everything seems shrouded with fucking drama.
So I had my ups and downs, living in another city, surrounded by putative family and working and staying in constant movement. I have realized that I am always moving. Whether literally or figuratively, I'm always on the move. And then everything stopped. I had to stop working for a few months and then I realized I need to be doing something constantly.
Funny, how you yearn for a snow day, for some down time, for waking up later. And then you have it and you come to understand that you really need to feel useful, to be doing something productive. So I did baby-sitting and small errands. And painted walls, and learned new things. And relaxed a little and tried to stay active.
And now I'm back on track. I have a new job and what I hope is a new attitude. I know my life has not settled, that I still have loose ends an unfinished business and things to do and worry about. Because I have realized that life does not get comfortable, just more ... livable. And that I have to learn to do is to learn how to live that new aspect of life I'm hitting, to work with what I've got.
So even though I don't do New Year lists, I think I'm going to try and worry less, love more and live better. So there. That's about it. So see you soon and hope your New Year is awesome. Because as L'Oreal says, you're worth it.
Love. Learn. Live.