...and then what?

It doesn’t only happen to gay porn stars, of course, but because I consume gay porn, these stories get to me. And I keep hearing more and more of the same. We all think that gay men who are incredibly gorgeous, men who have sex with other very attractive men and get paid for it, men desired by thousands and thousands and men who basically represent what many of us consider 'ideal' have no problems. We should always think that they are above all, human. And humans are flawed.

Still, the idea of these beautiful men succumbing to suicide is something both troubling and baffling. The first time I stopped and payed attention was when Arpad Miklos died. He was one of my favs. One of his videos is literally cannon on how I like sex. I first saw him in a Kirsten Bjorn video and was hooked. Well, it does take some qualities to get my attention in the crowded, ever changing world of gay porn. And Arpad did. There was some vulnerability behind the brick house exterior that called my attention. Of course, that was all coming from me, because we tend to project what we want into our porn stars. That's the way this works.

When I read the news of Arpad passing, I was incredulous. Not because people do not die by suicide, but because in my little world, a handsome, sexy, smart man could not commit suicide. Look at these photos. What could this man be lacking? Of course, I was wrong. We never know what goes on with other people. Of course the fact that I thought that Arpad was hot did not rule out that there could be problems in his personal life. But that's the way we tend to operate.

The question, as Davey poses, is what can we do to better support the people we actually know in real life and how we can access our feelings and other people's feelings to better connect. Gay men are very prone to not staying in contact with their own feelings and of course, the relationship we tend to have with society at large kind of mandates that we live in a constant state of vigilance towards the world at large and not ourselves. Gay men are also very prone to fragile mental states. What with that society at large telling us that we are not men enough, that we are not good enough, handsome enough, sexy enough, successful enough. It's a burden. And all we do is put our best face forward. Just like Arpad did. September is National Suicide Prevention Month and it is important to remember that some people do need help.

The same way we think that handsome, sexy, desired porn stars cannot be affected by depression or mental illness, we seldom stop to think that the men we actually know and interact with may need a helping hand at some moment. We tend to go through life just presenting our best face to the world and do not open and ask for help when we need it. It's a valid and necessary duty we have with ourselves and the people we interact with: we should be more aware of the people around us and their needs.

We also need to learn to open up a little bit more. Take our blogs, for example. We tell the internet so many things, we undress our minds for the public to see. Still, I wonder if we could let the same people know that we need them or that we need some help concerning our mental health. We tell people so many things online, so why not let them know that they can count on us if they need help? And that we will do the same?

So, there. I managed to post about a very attractive man and remember him in all his glory and talk about mental health. Only on blogger. But dear Constant Reader, I promise that if you need help, I'll be here for you and also that if I need help, I will let you know. Even if it's just for venting. Deal?

XOXO

P.S. Because I'm not an expert, if you or anybody you know needs help, feel free to contact LIFELINE, The Trevor Project, and the Crisis Textline.