I dare you: take the quiz. Maybe you'll stop telling me that I 'exaggerate' when I talk about the religious REICH and the stupidity of the administration. This country never ceases to amaze me: the most indescribable idiocy paired with the most amazing intelligence. The most intricate hatred for anything 'different' and alien paired with the most incredible technological and scientific advances. And a foreigner would know more about the doings of a puppet, born-again, ex-alcoholic benjamin than most citizens.
Parodies and oximorons. Land of the gleeful, home of the trite.
THE BUSH QUIZ: THE TWENTIETH HUNDRED DAYS
by PAUL SLANSKY
Issue of 2006-08-07 The New Yorker
1. Complete George W. Bush’s quote: “I believe that my job is _____.”
(a) to protect life. And sometimes people have to die in order to protect life, see? And that saddens me.
(b) hard. It’s a heckuva hard job. It’s difficult. But I’m doin’ it, see, and I’m gonna keep on doin’ it, because that’s the job of a President.
(c) to go out and explain to people what’s on my mind. That’s why I’m having this press conference, see? I’m telling you what’s on my mind. And what’s on my mind is winning the war on terror.
(d) to construe the laws I sign in a Presidential way. Because that’s part of being a leader, see, is construing with your gut.
2. Who is Peter Wallsten?
(a) The partially blind reporter whom George W. Bush mocked (“Are you going to ask that question with shades on?”) for not removing his sunglasses while addressing the President.
(b) The wheelchair-bound senior citizen whom George W. Bush mocked (“You look mighty comfortable”) for not standing in the presence of the President.
(c) The C.I.A. employee who, after delivering the “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S.” briefing, was told by George W. Bush, “All right, you’ve covered your ass now.”
(d) The Iraq-war amputee with whom George W. Bush tried to bond by telling him about a scratch he got during “combat with a cedar” while clearing brush.
Match the number with what it quantifies.
3. At least 30,000.
4. More than 5,000.
6. Around 200.
(a) Dollars’ worth of merchandise that the former Bush domestic-policy adviser Claude Allen was alleged to have stolen from Target and other stores through a phony refund scam.
(b) Shotgun pellets embedded in the face and upper body of Harry Whittington by Dick Cheney.
(c) National monuments or icons that Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff said there are in New York City.
(d) dollars donated by Barbara Bush to a hurricane relief fund with the stipulation that the money be spent on software bought from a company run by her son Neil.
7. Complete George W. Bush’s quote: “Nobody likes _______.”
(a) it when the press commits treason.
(b) being lied to.
(c) Osama bin Laden except the Democrats.
8. Three of these quotes were made by George W. Bush. Which one was made by Donald Rumsfeld?
(a) “Nobody likes war. It creates a sense of—of uncertainty in the country.”
(b) “The plan [in Iraq] is to prevent a civil war, and, to the extent one were to occur, to have the, from a security standpoint, have the Iraqi security forces deal with it to the extent they’re able to.”
(c) “Sometimes leaders show up who do a great disservice to the traditions and people of a country. ”
(d) “There are limits to how much corn can be used for ethanol. After all, we got to eat some.”
9. John Green.
10. James B. Comey.
11. James E. Hansen.
12. Harry Taylor.
(a) The “Good Morning America” producer who was suspended after e-mails he sent, including one in which he wrote, “Bush makes me sick,” were leaked.
(b) The NASA official who said, “It seems more like Nazi Germany or the Soviet Union than the United States,” after the Administration began censoring climate scientists who tried to speak about global warming.
(c) The Justice Department official who refused to authorize the National Security Agency’s domestic surveillance program.
(d) The questioner at a Charlotte event who told George W. Bush, “I would hope, from time to time, that you have the humility and the grace to be ashamed of yourself.”
13. How did Dick Cheney say that the September 11th attacks might have been prevented?
(a) If George W. Bush’s father had taken out Saddam Hussein in 1991.
(b) If the Bush Administration had been able to eavesdrop on the hijackers’ phone conversations without court orders.
(c) If the National Security Agency hadn’t waited until September 12th to translate two messages warning of the attacks which had been intercepted on September 10th.
(d) If even one of the F.B.I. agent Harry Samit’s more than seventy warnings that Zacarias Moussaoui was a terrorist had been heeded.
14. Three of these quotes were made by George W. Bush. Which one was made by Dick Cheney?
(a) “I do want to give you some thoughts about what I’m thinking about.”
(b) “They ought to learn to sing the national anthem in English.”
(c) “We have all the legal authority we need.”
(d) “When you turn on your TV screen and see innocent people die day in and day out, it affects the mentality of our country.”
15. What pair of men did George W. Bush refer to as an “interesting cat” and a “dangerous dude”?
(a) The Iraqi Defense Minister and the Al Qaeda leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.
(b) Elvis Presley and “Colonel” Tom Parker, during the guided tour of Graceland that Bush gave to Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi.
(c) Owen Wilson and Matt Dillon, after a special White House screening of “You, Me and Dupree.”
16. What was George W. Bush talking about when he declared, “I’m the decider, and I decide what’s best”?
(a) Pushing ahead with the Dubai ports deal despite not having known about it until it appeared in the media.
(b) Blocking a Justice Department probe of the Administration’s secret domestic spying operation.
(c) Keeping Donald Rumsfeld as Defense Secretary despite calls by six retired generals for his firing.
(d) Vetoing a stem-cell-research bill.
17. What did George W. Bush say was “the best moment” during his years in the White House?
(a) “The first day I sat at my desk in the Oval Office and thought about all the history that happened there and realized that now it was my turn.”
(b) “When I caught a seven-and-a-half-pound largemouth bass on my lake.”
(c) “When they told me we caught Saddam in his hidey-hole.”
18. True or false: When Tim Russert, the host of “Meet the Press,” said that “there were a lot of misjudgments made” regarding Iraq, his guest Condoleezza Rice pointed out, “There are also some misjudgments that were not made.”
19. Which of these words were among the top ten responses in a Pew Research Center poll that asked voters for the first word that came to mind when they think about George W. Bush?
(a) “Decisive,” “charming,” “brilliant,” and “truthful.”
(b) “Booze,” “cocaine,” “failure,” and “smirk.”
(c) “Illegitimate,” “simian,” “hotheaded,” and “torture.”
(d) “Incompetent,” “idiot,” “liar,” and “ass.”
(1) c, (2) a, (3) d, (4) a, (5) c, (6) b, (7) d, (8) b, (9) a, (10) c, (11) b, (12) d, (13) b, (14) c, (15) a, (16) c, (17) b, (18) True, (19) d
Taken from www.thenewyorker.com