Good chemistry



I have to accept that a while ago, once I learned that e-harmony (one of those dating sites) was a christian brainwashing operation, my scorn for internet dating went up a notch. Oh, I've done the internet-dating-thing. I actually met my ex via yahoo, many years ago, when it was free. It was not a bad experience (the meeting him, not the actual debacle that our relationship became three years later), basically because nobody 'matched us'. We did all the talking and the sorting of personalities. Yahoo at that point was very simple and we basically became some sort of pen pals before actually meeting in person. It was good. He ended up leaving me for a twenty-four year old (who subsequently left him a month after he left me) and he turned a little bit bitter when I refused to go back to him. But that's another story. Sometime I'll tell you all about it.
I also met K-ban (not his real name, mind you) through a dating website and dated him for awhile. That was also good. He ended up being good in bed, after some failed attempts. He gave me the best blowjob I've ever gotten (and I've gotten some in my life) I think I also managed to be the first guy he actually fucked. It was hot. We parted when I met my boo.
There was also this older professor at my university (also met him through yahoo, I think. I met A LOT of men through Yahoo. Some ended up being good friends, some just lovers for awhile) who was the sweetest man ever. He used to kiss my hands ever so tenderly. I wish I would have had more time to explore him more intimately. I'm sure it would have been fun. He had a very nice dick. Very nice.
Then there was Big Boy, who lived in a cool house in a town in Southern PA. He got me started with cornhuskers hand lotion. I cannot smell it to this day without thinking about very good sex. That guy really knew what to do with that tool of his. Very non-descript kind of guy but very, very good sex. We dated for about a month or two and then we parted. He did not want a long-distance thing. I was not ready to commit.
And then there was the truck driver (he called me sex on a stick!) and the young guy who took me to this awesome dinner for Valentines' day. And so many others. Fuck, I was kind of slutty, I guess.
But this chemistry.com commercial made me see that eharmony not only rejected gay people (well, duh! it's a fundie dating website!)but anybody who is not hyper-homogenized and fulfills certain 'standards' for 'family life' or some moronic statement like that.
So I went and opened an account. I answered all the questions as untruthfully as possible. If they asked something, I'd choose what I would NOT do. I stated my age, tastes, everything. I just did not specify that I do have a dick. They matched me right away with some guys. The lamest guys ever. Lame, lame, lame. I still get emails from eharmony trying to match me with some dudes even after I deleted my 'profile' and asked them never to send me anything ever again. They still want me. It's like scientology, I guess.
Watching this Chemistry commercial was cool. And fun. And for once, somebody did what should be done with the wingnuts: stick it to them. Good job, chemistry.com! I hope you get a million hits.

Comments

  1. eharmony does exist ! I thought you were joking... plop!

    I'm going to suscribe myself too, you never know, maybe I can change, I just need the right girl to help me.

    ReplyDelete

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