And the beat goes on...

I have a platonic lover. Or love. Or loved one.
Oh, I know. I shouldn't, I mustn't, I couldn't. But I do.
And I like it. I think it's the best of both worlds: I still feel alive (ad kicking) and yet remain his. I don't think an 'open marriage' would work with my significant other. He'd be too jealous. He's territorial, you know? Even though I'm not very much 'his' in that sense. But there are other aspects where he excels. Even though there are many things that do not work between us, there are many more that do work. And I guess that's good enough.
At moments I sound like my mother, I guess. I sound like an Ozzie-and-Harriet-era Suzy Homemaker who stands by her man just because that's what ones' supposed to do. And this is the twenty-first century! And I'm a frigging guy.
But still I think that security and emotional stability are things that we also need. I know. I sound conflicted. But whomever said I wasn't?
I better go back to bed. Insomnia is making me babble away more than ever.
Nighty night.