Just by watching the voraciously happy exchange of boyfriends among friends I cannot but stop and wonder about my reticence as of late to get involved emotionally with anyone. I do keep my friends and feel close to them and all that, but I have refrained to let any of them to get 'too close'. And I have been known from time to time to let 'someone in'. But not anymore. What is going on?
I think I am at a crossroads in my relationship right now. With him I sometimes feel like a very close roommate, like a very dear friend of a very dear friend who sometimes have a quasi-intimate encounter and go back to the comfortable routine of a couple who has been together for twenty years (but we have been together only for five). But no sex. I cannot bring myself to 'do' it.
Is that all that there is to it? Familiarity breeds contempt, the saying goes. And I am afraid that one day I will let someone step in from the friend realm and really take a hold of my feelings. Because I don't feel I'm feeling much. Emotionally, I feel drained and not in a bad way. I just feel like there may be something lacking but I cannot really put my finger on it.
Oh, well. I'll think about that some other day. Now I'll just go and look for some chocolate to eat. Hmmm.... chocolate...