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Mostly I'm bad...

I'm only good with him. I think it may be the Lexapro. Or love.
I have come to realize that the only thing that ties me to this place and time is him. Now that I'm traveling so much and that I basically am sitting on a powder keg in my job, I have come to realize that when I'm away looking for other stuff to do, I miss his touch, his holding me while I sleep. His wondering if I finished writing my reports. His nagging me about stuff I usually dismiss as not important. Now that I have seen the possibility of being taken away from him I have looked despair in the eye. And it has not been pretty. Not at all.

I have discovered that feelings get really deeply rooted and that we are really nothing without them. Also that trust and affection are stronger than sex and lust. But I should know. For years I was in a relationship with two men because I could not make up my mind about one of them. Each complemented me in ways the other couldn't. I've been in this one with this one for years because I have made up my mind about him and about my expectations for a relationship. It's not perfect but it's what keeps me from running away and forgetting about myself.

Maybe it IS love. Who would have thought?

That song is by L.P.




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