Peanuts

I saw you yesterday, after so much time (what, a year? two?) I decided not to talk to you anymore and (gasp!!) deleted you from my friends on Facebook (AND Myspace). Radical, no? After all I told you I liked you. After I went almost crazy about you. After those fun months years ago.
And you looked like another person. Slightly. Still fidgety and speaking too fast and centered on yourself. But still sweet. Still the same cute mouth. There are flashes of that you I saw some time ago. You're thicker of body. That was a given. You never were a slim teen, I guess. I liked your being solid. It made me think you were the down payment for a daddy. That made me hot. And you beard is thicker, too. You've become a man, BR. But you know that, don't you? I guess I would fall for you harder now. And maybe would do something about it. Not like before...
I guess you're still bigger and better in your mind than in reality, but that's a mistake many make. It's really cool you're directing now, though. I imagine that's the route you'd have taken (you know your strengths, that's for sure) given that to be a leading man you would have to be slightly taller and prettier, something like your leading man in Dog sees God. One does have to play to one's strengths. And you enjoy being in charge, too. I guess you're doing what you do best: getting the best of two worlds while using people. Your own words, not mine. You seemed so very proud to tell me that...
And it was kind of surprising to see you at the meeting, I have to confess that. I thought you've sworn never to come back. But it is convenient for you to bring people to the play, so I guess you did what you needed to do. Oh, the old BR. Not much has changed, I guess. You're gay/gay friendly when it's convenient. BTW, that video of the cast talking about 'the gays' is slightly mocking, not empowering. But at least you have made the reference to Beethoven being gay clearer in your version of the play. Kudos to you. I may even go and see what you've had your actors do. Probably what you would or could never do yourself. That's what good directors do. Think Clint Eastwood.
I still could see why I liked you so fucking much, though. Didn't get any shivers down my spine but I did look at those shorts you were wearing and remembered what they hide and wondered what you were wearing underneath. If you were wearing anything, that is. Lust is so prosaic. Some parts of you are unforgettable, baby boy. Even when I thought I had forgotten about them.
Good luck with the production.