On any given day...

Felix D'eon

Ok, so life is 'back on track' meaning I'm working and all that but why do I still feel like there's something missing? I guess it may be because I basically live in never-never land, moving across my days in a slight daze interrupted only by the mandatory driving and the interactions with people that I have to carry out. I cannot feel a real connection with anything or anybody at this point. All the streets look slightly familiar and utterly alien at the same time and all the people concur in a blur of faces and voices that do not tell me anything.

I seriously have no idea why or how I keep going on. I have no investment on anything I do but the most pedestrian one: keep going. It should be preservation instinct. Or the meds. Or maybe just the old learned rules that always apply to life and that we keep following no matter how we feel or think: 'it's what you need to do'. So not a very deep summary of how I am reacting to this new situation, but I guess that'll do for now.

I think that maybe the 'not knowing' what will happen to me and my life has affected me in deeper ways than I thought. The incertitude and the sneaky uneasiness of the disenfranchised are taking its toll. Hopefully, I'll rebound from this the same way I have bounced back from so many other shitty moments in my life. Meanwhile, I'll just go and grab some chocolate. Or wear that new hat. Those always help...