Always Greener

We tend to think that others get it better. Especially people who for all appearances 'have it all'. I think it's a foolish perspective but one that we easily take because we tend to judge by appearances. And that may be only human. With everybody nowadays editing and sharing their lives to the extreme, by youtubing, instagramming, snapchatting and/or facebooking every minute of their existence it becomes less and less possible to take a glimpse at who some people really are.

I have always thought that until we walk on someone's shoes we cannot give an opinion about their lives. They may appear to have something we would like to have (more money, youth, apparent health, etc.) but we are never sure they REALLY have that which we think we would enjoy.
I have had some heart-to-heart with some people and especially friends, and things are not always what they appear to be.

Take the case of Mr. C. Mr. C is articulate, can talk about most anything under the sun (music, movies, books, politics, you name it) he's charming, has a GREAT voice, has a nice job, his own home and a big dick. On paper, he seemed to be a catch. Still, he didn't seem to be able to shake a deep-seated reluctance to 'let go' of some things, like he was always en garde. He also thought that he had come out late in life and was going to 'play the field' for awhile. And those two things kept him from getting what he seemed to want more: a stable relationship.

At the time I met him, he was seeing this other (closeted) guy who apparently was great in the sack but that, being in the closet, could not give him that relationship he craved. They seemed to be a good match sexually, but obviously Mr. C was not getting what I could see was what he wanted from his 'friend'. I offered some advice (I have no idea if it was taken) but I thought that until he didn't let go of some baggage, that relationship he seemed to want was not going to materialize.

And Mr. C is not the only case I know. I've talked to friends and sometimes acquaintances (alcohol is a good lubricant for late-night confessions) that you would consider 'have it all' about what is it exactly they find frustrating in their lives or how they feel about themselves and you'd be surprised. Many of them could use a sympathetic shoulder or just someone who can listen. Not all that glitters, like the saying goes.

I have learned that most everybody has those little miseries, those stories of struggles, that one thing that they cannot let go of that really gets to them and that the rest of the world does not see (or cannot see because the package is so attractive) and that you don't know about until you get to hear their story. Or until you find yourself in a similar situation. THEN you understand. But I also think it's human nature to just go with appearances and stay on the surface. Because I guess that if we really dig deep into their stories, then we would have to accept what WE lack, too. What we crave. What we need.

So now I tend to avoid passing early judgement on people. Or late, for that matter. I may still rag about the Kardashians or the Housewives or Wherever and roll my eyes when people thing they're cool, but at the same time I think that one never knows what goes on inside their heads, what is it that they really feel or think (or like in the case of Blake Mitchell, the handsome man in the video) about the cards they've been dealt by life. And that's all. I can really only speak from my experience and that's about it. I don't have a solution to that gut reaction we sometimes have about other people. But we can always take a deep breath after that first impression and just recognize they are cool/successful/sexy and enjoy the ride.

xoxo