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Frankly, I don’t care how you identify as long as it makes you happy. You can identify as a pastrami sandwich for all I care. But there is something that needs to be noted. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a straight or gay person say they don’t do labels. Every time, it comes from individuals who fall somewhere on the bi+ spectrum. So I do believe that fear and internalized biphobia are large contributors to rejecting the bisexual label."

From: INTO

That Bi+ spectrum is sometimes difficult to grasp. Especially because Bi+ people have the advantage of straight-passing and that's something many LGT+ people cannot allow themselves to do. Hence the dreaded 'bi now, gay later' first thought for many people. And that's become a staple whenever we hear that someone's Bi or meet someone who tells us he's Bi.

There's also the idea that Bi people are 'greedy' or that they 'can't make up their minds'. I don't think any of those tropes have actual base on reality. Bisexual people are just attracted to both men and women. From my point of view, Bi people are just like gay or straight people, and face the same struggles and channel the same doubts straight or gay people face, only in different settings and at different times in their lives.

I think it may be even more complex for let's say, a Bi man to find a balance between his desires and his public life than for a Gay man in the closet. The closeted Gay man may struggle with ideas of masculinity, with the possibility of losing friends and being shunned by family because of his sexual orientation and maybe with doubts related to his faith and how to reconcile both being Gay and being religious, but once he comes out, most of those questions are answered. Some immediately.

For the Bi man, nevertheless, sometimes coming out is not even remotely a solution. First, I guess he needs to come out to himself, that is, recognize that he feels attraction for both men and women. And that may be a doozy. After that, there is the step of actually ACTING on their desires. And for that, they need someone who understands who they are and where they are coming from. And that could be a struggle, especially in a society that sees everything as part of a Gay/Straight dichotomy that totally banishes the Bi label.

I, for one, see no problem going out/hooking up with a bisexual man. I don't have hangups about infidelity and consider the idea that Bi men can feel attracted to both men and women actually a plus in bed. Yep. You know, some gay men who want to hook up do the 'wham-bam-thank-you-man' way too well: they're like the Tasmanian Devil and come and go in a blur. Bi men, on the other side, seem -from my experience- a little bit more touchy-feely, a little bit more involved, a little bit more into the moment. They could be pressed by time (and place) but there's that intangible feeling that they ARE with you. That they ARE present, because even for that short/long moment, they are invested in you.

So Bi men are good in bed. It may be impressionistic, but it's simple. Bisexual men, from my experience, seem more focused on the details and minutiae of sex. Maybe because they are able to tune in to other people's needs in bed? Maybe because they are more in sync with their own and other people's emotions? I don't know. All I can say is that from my experience, Bi men can be more of a sexy beast than many gay men in bed and that's what tips the scale for me.



  1. As you said some people may think we’re greedy. Others that we’re not being honest with ourselves and those we interact with. Are we conflicted? I do know that I have an attraction to both men and women. I can express my different desires and feelings with each.

    One thing that I do know is that since I’ve known you, I have been able to experience things that I had to suppress previously. And for that I will be forever grateful, you animal.


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