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The issue isn't porn, but the complete lack in our society of an open, healthy, honest, truthful dialogue around sex in the real world. If we had that, it would (among many other benefits) enable children -- and everyone else -- to bring a real-world mindset to the viewing of artificial entertainment, and to understand, in the same way you do when you view Hollywood blockbusters, that this is not the way things are in real life -- as per our Make Love Not Porn tagline: "Pro-sex.

Let's talk about porn, shall we? If we talk about porn, then we have to talk about the men that make us tick. Because for me, porn is a manifestation of something we like (or would like to do) or something we think we would find pleasurable doing with a man we find attractive. Porn is Alice's mirror. But I'm sure you know it's not that simple.

First things first: Porn, of course is not real. Porn is entertainment, and I believe it should be viewed the same way Guardians of the Galaxy or Black Panther or The Silent Place or... any movie. Porn is basically one more way to entertain yourself. Like a glass of wine, or a pedicure. 

The only thing is that we have made porn to be something hidden, something dark, something we don't talk about and find it shameful and dirty. Ever since I have been watching porn I have been open about it.  And I have to tell you,  it's been awhile because I started with the erotica in Honcho and Blueboy and moved on to Men Magazine -remember those?- and graduated to videos and then on to any of the of Tubes, which could provide hours of entertainment, I have been open about my liking it.

I also have Tom of Finland books laying around the bedroom. I have artwork that features attractive men. I have t-shirts with attractive men in advanced stages of undress printed in front of them. I follow porn starts on twitter and have watched Snapchat stories starring some of the most famous XXX bodies au naturel. Most everybody who knows me knows I like porn. And still, some people are shocked, SHOCKED! that I like to look at naked men engaged in intercourse. But why?

I guess it's because people have depersonalized porn to the point that it's become this nebulous activity that many people engage in but very few talk about? This thing you only do in the privacy of your bedroom/bathroom that is not to be shared? What is it that's so shameful about porn that we don't talk about it? Why do people think it's dirty? Maybe because they need porn to be dirty to be enjoyed? I have no idea. 

So let me tell you what I like about porn: first, the men. But not just any men. I like my men in porn to be uninhibited and invested. You would think that's a given but there's at ton of commercially produced porn that features models who appear to be uptight and detached. A turn off. Off my list. No matter how attractive the man, if he's not into what he's doing, he's a no go. The men in the porn I watch go at it with gusto and there's no holds barred. GGG, like Dan Savage says. And it shows. 

Then we have the situation. I've discovered that I like all kinds of situations but I'm partial to the ones in which both men appear to discover that they cannot keep their hands off each other and proceed to get it on without further ado. I don't need a script or good acting. If I want a plot and showmanship,  I'll go see The Book of Mormon. I like porn to show, well, good sex. 

You may think I'm forgetting something that porn really is about: 'type'. Because that's what makes porn actors well, porn actors: they need to fit into a 'type': bear, twink, muscle god, etc. But I have realized I don't really have a 'type'. I can dig the twinks and the bears and the gym buddy fantasy. I like them muscle bound and potbellied. I like them smooth and hairy. I like them in their twenties and in their sixties. I like them Asian, Black and Latino. You can say I'm an equal opportunity objectifier, and that's what makes me enjoy porn so much. That's why you'll find porn images on this blog. Because sex is natural and sex is good. So go ahead, the next time somebody asks you about porn, be polite and say 'yes, please'.



  1. Hmmm, porn...love it. Some people think that too much can be a bad thing. And there may be some truth to that. If it consumes you, instead of you consuming it, to the point that it affects your IRL relationships, yeah it can be a problem.

    But it can also be a teaching tool, used to broaden your horizons. Like you said, you may find something interesting that you'd like to try with your partner.

    You say, " I like my men in porn to be uninhibited and invested." That reflects how you like your sex to be, as you've said in previous posts. And you also say, " I'm partial to the ones in which both men appear to discover that they cannot keep their hands off each other." This is something that we all deserve in our relationships. Because isn't that why we enter into relationships? I hope that I show that to you, baby. Because you deserve to be desired, lusted after, pleasured and loved.

    So yeah, some of the porn we consume is a mirror worth looking into. It keeps us focused on us and what we want.


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