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Continuing with the idea that the men that feed our fantasies are actual people, I got to thinking about Arpad. When I learned he passed in 2013, I was just incredulous. How could this man, who personified erotic desire (not just for me, but for many other people) be gone? And apparently by his own hand? At 45. I was floored.

I fist saw Arpad in a Kristen Bjorn film in the nineties. Kristen Bjorn was the king of the perfectly posed erotica back then. His men had the perfect come-hither stare and perfect rock hard erections and his videos and spreads were all over the gay glossies of the time. And Arpad was in several of that Hungarian series Bjorn did. He had that unavoidable magnetism that is trademark of the great porn star. Once he started to get it on with some lucky model, you could not keep your eyes off him.

And then he apparently moved to the States and started appearing in more scenes for some of the big studios. And you got to see more and more of him. He had that aura around him that made it seem that he was really enjoying sex. He seemed to really enjoy both fucking and fucking his co-star. And we all know that porn is all about projection. So it worked for me. And for all the people who bought his videos.

He also seemed to be a genuine guy. In all those little interviews they did of him throughout the years he came across as fun and smart and playful. I believe he was a chemist in 'real life'.  And apparently a great cook. He was in that Perfume Genius video. He seemed grounded and real and then you added him being ruggedly handsome and voila! there it was: he was fantastic.

And then he died. Arpad may live on in those thousands of images and in those videos, but Ferenc Korma passed away. And he apparently killed himself. And I could not understand why. We can never understand what is it that makes somebody do that. Mental illness? Who knows. But before being Arpad he was Ferenc. And we don't  know much about him. The man we saw in so many videos and spreads probably was just a small part of the 'real' man. We were only aware of the Persona.  We never knew Ferenc. Or what made him tick.

We never knew of Ferenc's struggles or his motivations. And we never will. And that's a pity. But we will always have Arpad. His vitality, his beauty and his smile will stay forever in print and in electronic form with us. I still watch his videos, when I'm roaming the Tubes for 'inspiration'. I still once in awhile read his name online. Perfume Genius dedicated his 'Hood' music video to him. And now I'm writing about him.

See? Arpad lives on.





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