Go back in time

Show more


One of the things that most chills me to the core is that every time I read or watch something about Jeffrey Dahmer, I can't help but think that I would have been a perfect victim for him. For one, I think I would have found him attractive. Dahmer was not ugly, really, and at 31, six feet tall and 180, I WOULD have looked twice. And that scares the shit out of me. On the other side, I AM the kind of man he would have fancied. I would have fitted the profile of the kind of men he pursued. Scary, right?

And I just wrote about the fact that we don't look for love/companionship/sex in the same places we used to. We don't rely on gay bars or bookstores or coffee shops or parties as much as we used to,  to find other like-minded men, instead we turn to apps and the internet for kinship. Just look at me right now, writing this in a public online forum. And I was decrying the lack of human contact most interactions have nowadays. Gosh, Alanis would be proud, black fly in my Chardonnay and all.

The lack of connection and direct estimation of somebody's character by being able to see him in person is something I find unsettling. As if that would have protected me in case I would have found myself face to face with Dahmer when he went out looking for men. When Dahmer was roaming bars in Wisconsin, going to a bar was one of the few possibilities gay men had to connect with other gay or bi men. And none of his victims could tell he was a monster. And I was one of those boys in one of those bars.

I wonder if that's why I have become weary of the hookup and dating apps. I really can't understand how some men would just let almost anybody in their lives and bodies just because they got some dick pics and they liked what they saw. And it's not slut shaming. I'm all for some good dick, but really. some common sense never hurts. Sex games, role pay, it's all fun and good but anybody with any experience would tell you that one can always use some prudence when dealing with strangers.

And I guess something else may be at play: because I usually like men who are taller/bulkier than me I tend to think twice before I go for somebody. I have realized I don't want to find myself in a  Looking for Mr. Goodbar kind of situation. I don't share Rossner's protagonist's self-destructive urges, but I, like everybody else, was looking for that 'connection', that spark that would make me click with just the right man. In erotic games, the idea of size difference may be tantalizing, but in reality it could put me in a very vulnerable position. Both figuratively and literally speaking.

So I rather play it safe. Am I missing out? I may be. But I think I'll stick with my strategy of knowing who I let in my life and my body. The idea of a burly, sexy, brooding stranger manhandling you just a little bit may seem hot on paper, but in real life I would have to confess that it rattles me a little bit. And I know I can say that here because after all, this is the internet. And online I can be a supermodel or Norman Mailer and you wouldn't know the difference, would you?



  1. I totally agree, babe. How many times have we seen news stories where guys have responded to a hookup request on the popular apps and violence has ensued. Though it’s not a foolproof method, I can now understand your desire to meet in a non-threatening public place when we first met. I had never done that with anyone else I met on the apps.

    And though I wasn’t looking for anything long term, look where we are six years later. Despite our unusual situation we still get together when we can and our “strange” relationship (in some people’s eyes) continues to flourish.

    So the moral of the story? Be wary, be safe. A roll in the hay isn’t worth your safety.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

  2. Omg totally! Those hookups sometimes kinda make me weary, no matter how hot the guy 🙄

    on So then....
    in response to

    Call me old fashioned, but I like to meet guys face to face and don't do sites either. I meet out in lounger or gay bars. I did do two random hook ups twice, but didn't feel comfortable with a stranger in my home, but I got lucky as the guys were cute and normal. I did meet a guy out one night. After talking for some time, he invited me to his place. He said when I got there, head downstairs, strip to my briefs and lay down face down on his massage table. I was nervreous. I did and the room was pitch black with exception to a couple candles. When he came in I could feel him rubbing me, then he tied me down. I was really scared. He finally pulled down my briefs and started eating my ass out, before he fucked me. He then untied me and we enjoyed 69ing and massage and full on sex again. It was very hot, I can't lie, but I'd never do that again....too nerve racking. I thought to myself that night what are you doing?!?!? This guy might be another unknown Dahmer. Luckily it was just , by mistress maddie.

  3. Damn, Mistress, that would scare the shit out of me. I can only imagine how you felt in the moment. Fortunately you ended up with an awesome experience and enthrall us with your posts on your blog.


Post a Comment

Go ahead, give it to me.



Popular Posts

En otra lengua

  • UN VERANO TENEBROSO - ¿Que pasó? ¿Se me esfumó el buen rollismo de la última entrada? ¿Estoy "acojonao" por los rebrotes víricos, deprimido por mi paupérrimo estado sentimental...
    3 days ago
  • La evolución de las canas - Siempre he tenido amigos que me llevan un buen trecho en edad y otros vicios. Tener amigos que nos aventajan en unas décadas proporciona anticuerpos co...
    3 days ago
  • ¡No me gusta...! - No me gusta esta pandemia, llena de miedos, de ansiedad, de desinformación, de *fakes, *de falsos profetas de las soluciones y de los oscuros augurios. ...
    6 days ago
  • Aquí no venden la leche en bolsa - No asistí a una universidad pública. Mirando atrás, no sé qué me previno tanto de hacerlo. Más allá del paradigma pequeñoburgués que una educación pueb...
    4 weeks ago
  • - En los días que se han convertido en años, en tiempo que transcurre y sin entenderme a mi mismo en mis angustias, en mis silencios, en mis ruidos que no c...
    6 months ago

Restricted to Adults

Restricted to Adults
Under 18? Beat it. Now.