Something else he said rung true though. With these experiences, it became apparent that chasing after a specific body type, be it bear or whatever, is only ever skin-deep and that attraction and chemistry are based on so much more than just an aesthetic. After you fuck, you’re left with the same questions that you’d have with anybody else: Do we have anything in common? Are they open-minded? Why are they telling me how to trim my beard? And is this guy a total jerk?
The fact is, just because someone looks the part, doesn’t mean that they’re the best person to play the part.
Mike Miksche

I have to confess that I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. Looking the part does not seem to be enough to be it.  How many times have you found yourself face to face with your ‘ideal’ only to discover that he’s not all that you thought he’d be? I know it sounds rhetorical, but go ahead, answer that. Once? Twice? Many times?

Frank Srona has a point in that TED talk. I know I have done it several times. Sometimes the man we like seems to be everything and a bag of chips on paper (or on the screen, right, Grindr?) and then everything comes tumbling down once you two meet. There is much more to connecting to someone than just a set of physical traits but we tend to think with the little head way too much and get carried away when we see something we like.

We as gay men sometimes tend to go for the 'type' more than for the man. I have done it. I have dated incredibly handsome men who ended up being more friendship material than lovers or in the worst cases, total jerks. And the whole thing has failed, not for lack of physical attractiveness, but because there was no spark, or if there was attraction, it was not long lasting. And that's when a man's true attractiveness lays: in his staying power. Finding someone you want to be with AFTER you two fuck is the real deal.

All the outward qualities we like in a man, be it him being a bear or an otter or a twink or a gym bunny or whatever it is that rings your bell, can only take him so far. It's the way he connects with you and the way he makes you feel what's going to be decisive when asking him to stay for breakfast or to have you text him back the next day.

I know, I know, men are very visual and all that jazz. But we are also intelligent and know that beauty is only skin deep and absolutely subjective. So why not open our eyes and see? I'm sure we'll find that he may not be Romeo but he's our loving one man show. Frank could get it. Let's hear it for the boy.



  1. I always go for the man, not a type.Otherwise you miss out of meeting to many nice guys. For friends OR otherwise. I another nice post...all gat men should read this.

  2. str8 girl here. I have smooched many many man frogs in my day. some I even fucked. my spouse is not the most handsomest guy in the universe, but all the compatibility factors were there. been married 26 years now. looks ain't everything.

  3. Personality is very important to me, looks not so much. I think people would be shocked by some of the men I become attracted to.

  4. Looks ain’t everything. Personality and what’s between the ears can be very sexy.



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