I thought this video was the cutest thing. I'ts always awesome seeing people who are so clearly in love being together. Mark and Rey are both handsome and clearly in a good relationship. It's incredibly rewarding being able to watch something like that in 2019. I think I needed this positivity, this fresh infusion of goodness at the beginning of the year.

Boyfriend. I think I haven't considered having a boyfriend since I was in my late teens.  Maybe not even then, because I always dated men who were, well, men when I was basically out of boyhood. Even in college, I dated men who were always one or two years ahead of me in their studies. Funny how that seems clear now. Daddy issues forever?

I’ve always considered that I've had lovers instead of boyfriends. I think I prefer the term lover to the term boyfriend. And no, I don't feel all Edith Piaf when I say lover. It's just that 'boyfriend' sounds like we're both nineteen. It has a Peter Pan ring to it. The men I have had relationships with seem to have in common the fact that they pique my curiosity. They all have had something that intrigues me. Some of them have been conventionally handsome and some have been just another regular Joe. But what they all do have in common is a sharp mind. Whether they have been very witty and good conversationalists or close to MENSA smart, they have always been men who spar with me intellectually. It's good foreplay. Trust me.

I have always been aware of the fact that I fall for men who are able to hold a conversation when I meet them for the first time. I can babble my head off in first dates, by the way. It's not pretty. Picking a man's brains is my favorite pastime. There's something incredibly attractive in a man who can go down the rabbit hole with me and talk about shit both important and absolutely banal all in the same convo. More than one man has gotten me to bed by talking me into it.

And all the sparring feels exciting when you know you are engaging with someone who is curious about you and what you think and you feel the same. Does that make sense? A man could be absolutely astounding physically but if he cannot hold a conversation, I'm out. The dick can be awesome but that alone has never been enough to keep my attention. I have the photos to prove it. That's why hookup apps do not work well with me. They are way too ADD and fragmented for my taste. I need the old fashioned tête-à-tête. I need to feel interested in his opinions. I need him to try and figure me out. Pick my mind and my pants will follow.

So yeah, that little video inspired this long post. Told you I like to talk.




  1. They are a good couple. As you said there’s more to a relationship than hitting the sack. Some commonalities help, but I think some contrasts also make for a good time. You won’t always agree on everything, but that makes for good conversation. But if there’s a big mountain of an issue, such as your disdain for all republicans, then that could be a non-starter.

    As we learn as we get older, there’s more to life than sex. Not much more, but there is more 😜.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

  2. I too sound like you when it comes to men. Even when I do connect, I prefer the word lover.


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