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laughing matters

For all the porn that involves men having sex in prison, tied up, subdued and virtually in every situation that requires restraints, you’d think we should know better.  As a gay man, and as someone who is not very imposing physically, I can tell you that the suggestion of sexual violence is not a very attractive one. We all know that the trope of the jail gangbang or the con fucking the newcomer or the guard fucking the prisoner are common in porn. Still, not reality.

But it is not a joke. Sexual assault on males is played for laughs because it apparently debases a man. Sexual Assault puts a man in a submissive position and that is seen as the worst thing that can happen to a straight man. For the people making these jokes (most probably straight men) being at the receiving end of sex with a man is the ultimate humiliation. Because being a sex object for a straight man is demeaning. They think people are doing to them what they (wish they'd) do to women. Many straight men regard women as just sex objects. Finding themselves on the receiving end of that makes them nervous and jumpy. Hence the man-on-man rapey jokes.

This, my darling, is what a byproduct of toxic masculinity looks like. The fact that they write those jokes in so many places is kind of jarring, though. Movies, TV, comic books, you name it. Sex with another man who is in a position of power is seen as a threat, a debasement, a punishment. And for a straight man it may be. I think that for a gay man it would be more the lack of agency that being subdued agains our will conveys, it is more a matter of consent than the thought of being fucked against our will what makes this scenario threatening.

I know that people play the sexual assault scenario and enjoy it. I don't mind some manhandling. But that's another thing. In that situation, consent is given and taken into account. The threat or idea of rough behavior is a turn on. And that's how it should be.  The only time that sexual assault should be played for fun is when it' is part of somebody's kink. Sexual assault is not a joke. And it should never be.



  1. not my fave porn either. I dislike violence. two hairy loving bears make me wanna holla!

  2. You’re right, it is the easy joke. But it should be a serious topic of discussion. Is it a fantasy for some people? Yes. A kink? Yes. But here you have consent. And it can’t be implied consent. Just because someone puts themselves in a situation there is ALWAYS the opportunity to change your mind. If something changes, if it was more than you thought, no ALWAYS means no and that’s where things stop.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍đź’‹‍👨

  3. Non-consent is never a laughing matter.

  4. My first lover (who was married) was into heavy Dom/Sub play with some elements of S&M. I was nineteen and didn't know any better so I let myself be groomed to learn to 'enjoy' pain.The sessions always ended with a kiss. So this I did willingly. My second lover who I lived with, overtime became more aggressive and then the violence began. I was beaten and sexually assault through anger and rage. I was lucky to escape.
    I'm lucky to be here to tell this story.

    Sexual assault of males is an under exposed criminal issue.

  5. I dated a guy once who said it was all about the 'good pain...' I said "good bye."


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