look the part

"To look a certain way you've got to sacrifice certain things. And part of that is... pleasure. You have to eat a certain amount of food, a certain time of day. When I eat, I'm so looking forward to eating. Halfway through the meal, I start getting depressed because the meal is gonna be over soon. And I'm still hungry..."

Luke.


There are some parts of me that I don't like. I sometimes think 'I wonder how I'd look if I lifted weights'. Only thing is, I don't like lifting weights. Weights intimidate me. I feel awkward and clumsy at a gym. I can run a block or two, I can get on the elliptical, I may even risk lifting some dumbbells. But lifting weights seriously, I think I could never really do it. Trust me, I've tried it.

I was a not an athletic kid. Like the boy in the video, I was basically skinny all through primary school. I didn't really gain weight until I was basically in college. Aging out of your teens I guess has advantages? And I was still not what you consider 'fit'. So in my mind I'm still that awkward kid. I will never have muscles. My body still feels slightly awkward. Isn't that weird how we are seldom happy with the bodies we have? Or when we aren't, we just do as Luke in that video did and radically change it to fit the idea of ourselves we have in our heads? Even when it costs us other pleasures and it needs constant work?

I think we all carry these images of ourselves with us, like it or not. And in the meantime, we are constantly bombarded by images of impossibly beautiful men who imprint in our minds some kind of ideal that is basically unattainable. Nobody can be that perfect just by being. Being that beautiful requires inordinate amounts of time and effort. Oh, and money. And very few of us have much of those to spare. Nobody wakes up looking like a male model. Even male models are groomed to look like they just woke up. Oh, you didn't know that?

But of course it's not like we all go through life looking like Michelangelo's David from the moment we become aware of our bodies. Those blessed by genetics and a good disposition towards athletics are in a small group. And they work hard to stay in that group. I think the rest of us learn to live with the bodies we have and work with them. We learn we cannot wear certain clothes (you will never see me wearing a wife beater. Ever!) and we learn that we have limitations when it comes to fitness (I can do intervals in the elliptical or run/walk a little but that's about it) and we know what our good side is when taking a picture (never do a selfie with the phone anywhere below your nose). And that's that.

So yeah. We will never be like the models we see everywhere, smizing and looking intense. And we should not forget that THAT is their JOB. They NEED to look like that. And that does not come easy. There's nary an ice cream in their future and pizza is forever verboten. Also, there's a ton of pushups and crunches and sweating and running involved in those chests and abs. I know that. But I still struggle, though. Yes, Steve, the grass is always greener. I still don't walk around shirtless during Pride. I know I should get a gym membership or make more time to do intervals. I still feel awkward when trying new clothes. Especially when I go to H&M and I realize the slim fit pants I really, really want to get need to be a size or two bigger or I will never, ever get my ass in them. Darn!

xoxo