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Well, this was kind of surprising. "You'e not a boy, not yet a daddy." The video is about much more than that, of course, but that was the phrase that inspired this post. Because the man they are referring to seemed just fine to me. Not too young as to think he’s in high school and not old enough to check my mental idea of a ‘daddy’. Why then the need to preface the narrative with that statement? Besides the obvious Britney Spears reference?

I imagine we all get there, inevitably. I have always kept in mind that I will one day be considered a 'daddy' (or at least one of the olds) by some nineteen year old. Isn’t everybody old when you’re nineteen? We all get there because unless we have a portrait rotting in the attic, we will all grow older. The only thing is thatin the world of gay men, an older gay man (who in gay years could be anybody between thirty and seventy?) is a daddy. Or not?

I think being a daddy is more of a mindset. And as we all know, sex IS in the brain. So men can become Daddies at 25 or at 55 and it makes no difference. What I don’t understand is the rush to categorize, to pigeonhole, to label. Why should I be an otter? Or a twink? Or a fox? What's with all these animals?

I understand the desire to identify with a tribe. We all look for our own when we need one to establish and identity or feel part of society and know we are not alone. Especially for gay men. But once we develop our own sense of self, those identifiers become null. What if we feel we don't really belong to any of those tribes? What if we're a daddy when we are 25? What if we are a boy when we're 55? What if?

To me, it's more about the DILF than the 'daddy'. A man who is an adult appears to me to be more attractive than one who has left adolescence behind just a few years ago. And that makes him more sexually attractive to me. I can understand the lure of a nice body and low body fat count, but we all know very well that only that does not make a man good enough to keep. In the case of Adam Ramzi, I cannot imagine anybody kicking him out of bed because he's too 'old' or not 'young' enough. Gah. But I've been known to be slutty, so that's that.

But in this world where youth is considered such a prize, it is never taken into account that that youthful glow lasts just a few years. We cannot hold on to youth forever. We may be able to keep ‘old age’ at bay for some years, but Chronos is gonna catch up with us, sooner or later. So why the despair/angst/questioning when we reach that moment when the glass appears to be half empty/half full when it comes to looks or appearances? If looking like Mr. Ramzi is the down payment for being a Daddy, hell, I would like to have one of those ASAP.



  1. Having never experienced the same sex scene until I was almost 40, I can’t really say that I’ve experienced anything other than being the older guy in my encounters. And now some 20 years later I’m firmly entrenched in the “daddy” label, if I were to engage in the hookup/dating scene. I believe that you’ve commented on the Daddy Hunt series of videos before. I think they address some of the pitfalls of that type of relationship.

    I think it all boils down to whether we’re comfortable in our station in life. And Adam seems totally comfortable with were he is. And I’d be TOTALLY comfortable with him. ūüėČ

    XOXO ūüĎ®‍❤️‍ūüíč‍ūüĎ®

  2. Having been in a committed monogamous relationship for over thirty years, I have never experienced ageism sexually. I have experienced ageism in other parts of everyday life. It Sucks!

  3. As I like to say, getting older may not be a favorite thing to do, but when you consider the alternative?

    As for Daddy, I think it's more a state of mind than a number.

  4. Here's my advice to aging men: don't waste your $$$ trying to make yourself look younger, you'll fail. Instead, take what you have and make it better, by doing so, you may, in the end, actually look a bit younger (emphasis on the word 'bit').

  5. I've never found very young men attractive
    There is something quite powerful about an older guy with a twinkle in his eye!

  6. Getting older is never easy, I'd say...

  7. I think grey hair is often the calling card of "daddies".

    But I'm one of those who doesn't fit into any category. I'm not a bear or otter or any other animal. I'm not a daddy or a twink. I'm not a butch or a femme. But I'm fine with that, because as you said, one doesn't need such a small defined group with which to belong when one is comfortable in one's self.


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