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I object

Sex object: "a person regarded especially exclusively as an object of sexual interest"

We all wonder how that would work. Don’t you think? BEING a sex object? Being desired and wanted because somehow for someone we are the summit of beauty and love? (Did I give you Bananarama fever there?) Doesn't one tiny part of us secretly wish to be somebody's flight of fancy? I don't think it's the epitome of self-centered fuckery. I think it's just human. Deep down, I guess we all want to be wanted.

And it all sounds like fun and games but at the end of the day I think it's more about self-love than about actually being a sex god. It's kind of liking the reflection of the man we see in the mirror (which is the only one we have, unless we mercilessly video tape ourselves doing mundane things) and projecting that, with an added shot of humor and a pinch of self-deprecation. But not many people see it like that. For some, the need to be wanted is all consuming. It becomes the meter by which they measure their value. And you know I have a problem with that.

I am one of those people who think that we should not attribute value to ourselves based on what other men think is or is not attractive. We cannot (and should not) be compelled to fit some gaystapo-created set of rules, regulations and parameters that are absolutely unattainable and utterly ridiculous. That's bullshit and it is absolutely unhealthy. Don't tell me you find idealized images of desirable masculinity I posted here an easy mark. They are nice to look at but our value as men should not be put in the hands of others. Our value as people should be put on... ourselves?

One of the things that this generation of gay men who have grown up on hookup apps and social media do not seem to understand is that there's more to sex appeal than a cute selfie or many 'likes' on a picture or ten million followers on Instagram. The outward confirmation of sex appeal (which renders us as sex objects whether we want it or not) is not what sex appeal is about. Sex appeal is more about how we move through the world and how we interact with it. From my point of view, for a man to be a sex object he does not need the six pack or the pecs, or the juicy thick tights or the ten inch dick. Oh, if he happens to have one or more of those attributes? Good for him! I'll make sure I'll enjoy that, too. But really what makes me want to climb a man like a tree are other qualities, some of them intangible, that are not usually captured on film: a wicked sense of humor, a walk that just won't quit, strong gentle hands, a penchant for kissing, political awareness, you get the picture. No pun intended.

So yeah, that video cracked me up because it totally nailed our obsession with being wanted. Or did it?

"I just want a man that stays for breakfast and shares Special K with me..."



  1. my guy has kind eyes, a nice smile, brains, a wicked sense of humor, fur, and knows how to flirt to get my motor purring. THAT is what sexy is to me!

    1. And that, dear, is what counts! 👍🏽😍

  2. If you desire to be wanted ONLY as a sex object, then that's all you'll ever be. No one will ask your opinion think you're funny, want to just spend time with you. They want you for sex and nothing more.
    And if your only desire is to HAVE that sex object, then you don't care about the millions of other things that person is.

  3. One must have themselves and have self love. That's more important and very sexy I think.

  4. The ideal of the Adonis as the be all and end all of perfection is a nice story. There is more to a person than outward appearances. I’ve never been the sex object. But then I’ve never strived to be. I am me, flaws and all. And I know I’ll never attract the sex objects. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate them.

    If there’s nothing more than window dressing (something Maddie is familiar with, professionally, I believe) then once the image in the mirror begins to sag what’s left?

    So I agree with you babe. Sexy is more than image.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

  5. To me, with men, it is always about the hunt. Whether it is hunting a blonde, or big dick, or hairy bear, or all of the above. When we get want we want, there always seems to be something lacking the next morning. The biggest turn-on for me is 'smartz'. Something I always felt I lacked.

    1. Smart men can always get it. True story.

  6. Attractive men who think of themselves as sex objects, tend to feel so as a reaction to what others are telling them. For some it's important, others's it isn't, and how they react usually depends upon their self-esteem.

    1. Self esteem plays a HUGE role in it. They need more efficacy tho. If it’s a reaction it’s a mirage. It needs to come from THEM.


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