I object

Sex object: "a person regarded especially exclusively as an object of sexual interest"

We all wonder how that would work. Don’t you think? BEING a sex object? Being desired and wanted because somehow for someone we are the summit of beauty and love? (Did I give you Bananarama fever there?) Doesn't one tiny part of us secretly wish to be somebody's flight of fancy? I don't think it's the epitome of self-centered fuckery. I think it's just human. Deep down, I guess we all want to be wanted.

And it all sounds like fun and games but at the end of the day I think it's more about self-love than about actually being a sex god. It's kind of liking the reflection of the man we see in the mirror (which is the only one we have, unless we mercilessly video tape ourselves doing mundane things) and projecting that, with an added shot of humor and a pinch of self-deprecation. But not many people see it like that. For some, the need to be wanted is all consuming. It becomes the meter by which they measure their value. And you know I have a problem with that.

I am one of those people who think that we should not attribute value to ourselves based on what other men think is or is not attractive. We cannot (and should not) be compelled to fit some gaystapo-created set of rules, regulations and parameters that are absolutely unattainable and utterly ridiculous. That's bullshit and it is absolutely unhealthy. Don't tell me you find idealized images of desirable masculinity I posted here an easy mark. They are nice to look at but our value as men should not be put in the hands of others. Our value as people should be put on... ourselves?

One of the things that this generation of gay men who have grown up on hookup apps and social media do not seem to understand is that there's more to sex appeal than a cute selfie or many 'likes' on a picture or ten million followers on Instagram. The outward confirmation of sex appeal (which renders us as sex objects whether we want it or not) is not what sex appeal is about. Sex appeal is more about how we move through the world and how we interact with it. From my point of view, for a man to be a sex object he does not need the six pack or the pecs, or the juicy thick tights or the ten inch dick. Oh, if he happens to have one or more of those attributes? Good for him! I'll make sure I'll enjoy that, too. But really what makes me want to climb a man like a tree are other qualities, some of them intangible, that are not usually captured on film: a wicked sense of humor, a walk that just won't quit, strong gentle hands, a penchant for kissing, political awareness, you get the picture. No pun intended.

So yeah, that video cracked me up because it totally nailed our obsession with being wanted. Or did it?

"I just want a man that stays for breakfast and shares Special K with me..."

XOXO