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“I ended up taking testosterone. I thought maybe I needed a little help to get that muscle on, to be the man that can attract men because apparently someone thought I wasn’t. And it was hard. It was one of the worst things, if not the worst thing, I’ve ever done to myself. My body was a wreck, I felt horrible every day, I broke out everywhere, on my arms, on my stomach, I wasn’t myself. And beyond the chemical reactions that were happening in my body, I just wasn’t happy.”

Jason Wimberley

Yeah. That has happened. When a stranger comes up to you and tells you that yo are not 'man enough' to be in a gay bar. In a fucking gay bar!! The gall.

But Jason's experience is nothing new. Femmephobia, as the author of the article puts it, it's alive and kicking, especially among gay men. Not to mention sizeism. It seems we are always looking outwardly, trying to find things that really do not have to do with somebody's essence. The appearance of a person really does not tell much about who they ARE. Some of the most attractive men I've known have been absolutely vacuous and as interesting as cooling oatmeal. Don't get me wrong, some very attractive men are absolutely interesting and intelligent. Beauty does not preclude brains. But it is not always the case.

We, as gay men are sometimes absolutely superficial and use physical appearance to choose partners but also, to measure ourselves against a bar that will most probably not leave us in good standing. Just a thought.



  1. I don’t think gay men have an exclusive lock on partnering on looks. It happens in the straight world. Case in point: Chris Pratt. He went from the lovable pudgy guy on Parks and Recreation to the buff stud he is today. And the girls (and guys?) eat it up.

    Should we look at more than the packaging when we look for a partner? Definitely. But when we’re young we may not know what we want so we go with the window dressing (sorry Maddie).

    As we mature I think we refine what we’re looking for and reality sets in that age may do some shitty things to our bodies. I think then we start to look for more in our relationships.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍đź’‹‍👨

  2. I tried to achieve a more muscular body. I wasnt and went happen. Some of that has to do with genes... I took I lone look in the mirror and thought what's wrong with my body??? I like it, and the guys I had relations with liked it....so I said fuck it ! If gays dont like my body they dont have to look at it. Tis a shame gay men get like that. You could be missing out of a great lover or good friend. I have a close friend who's dating a very superificall ripped GreekGod. Yeah...nice body, handsome face and from looks of it big cock. But he's rude as hell and very mean....but i friend stay so he can say his man is hot. What crap. Meanwhile my friend is miserable. There's more to life than looks. I have friend of all appearances sizes and fema and masculine. . It's all about friendship and close connections .

  3. There are all kinds of men for all kinds of men, and if you don't like a certain type, move along.
    On the other side, we all need to remember that and not try to make ourselves into some kind of idealized homo.Learn to like yourself and others will follow suit.

  4. There is so much to this post!
    I come from a time when Drag Queens where not wanted in gay bars. They were asked to leave or kicked out.
    Being an old hippie, I never was even aware of my, or anyone else's appearance. It was all about warmth, emotion, creativity, and every once in a while intelligence and stability. As I got older, the later two became the most important. But to this day, I never look in a mirror.
    There is always someone for someone and often another someone.

  5. it happens in the str8 world too. guys won't give me a second look cause I don't look like a barbie doll. FUCK THEM!
    my spouse may not be the most handsome dude, but he loves me, and that's all that matters.

  6. I wonder if some of the need to transform one's physical self comes from regional lack of interest. As an example, in my area I am practically invisible in a gay bar because I'm a 50+ white guy, just average looking, and don't work out. Mind you I'm not looking for someone, but it seems all the guys getting attention in the local bars are 30, hip, and showing off their muscles. But when I was in Mexico I was surprised that my 50+ white guy average looking 'regular' body got attention. The preferences seemed to be regional. Have you or anyone else experienced this?


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