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Sam Smith has talked about his issues with body image (he was publicly shamed by Howard Stern in the past) and in this sit dow with Jameela Jamil for a tete-a-tete about body image and the media. And I learned that no matter how famous and talented you are, you're still gonna have some body issues. Sam talks about his relationship with food and how he had some lipo done when he was not even a teen. And I Stan. Hardcore.

I don't really have issues with food but I do have some issues with my body. Surprise! Yeah. I guess I do. I  cannot describe myself as a twink because I'm past that age and weight. I'm not husky, because I don't seem to have too much extra weight. I'm not muscular, either because I've never been athletic. I'm just...  kind of not average enough? Because you know that even though we try not to let ourselves get swept in the mare magnum that is gay media, we sometimes relent. And that's when the problem starts.

I have realized that I am very accepting of OTHER people's bodies but I tend to be overly critical of mine. I sometimes wonder if I should exercise more. Or if i should not eat that cake. I would never wear a wife beater. I don't see myself dancing shirtless in a club or gay cruise. I have a weird relationship with my body. I fluctuate between wearing athleisure during the weekends and my uniform of tie, jacket and jeans during the week. Like Sam, I consider a jacket and tie my armor. We men tend to hide a multitude of sins under those jackets.

And still I wonder, where does that come from? Is it really the media, that screams at me from gadget screens and magazine pages that I need wide shoulders and a tight stomach to be desirable? That I have to look tanned and youthful to be attractive? That there will come a time when I will be forbidden to wear skinny jeans? Part of me rebels and shrugs fashion trends and media pressure and decides to do exactly what I want. And for work I don't have a strict dress code. I can be office casual and I don't look out of place. Still, if I feel bloated, I refuse to wear some pants. I still suck in my gut and stand straight when necessary. I talk to a ton of people every day and I'm basically on a spotlight most of my working hours. So I do feel self-conscious sometimes.

For all my bravado and talks of body acceptance I have to recognize that I should try mine with less rigor. I need to relax and well, not go to pot, but kind of chill? I could enjoy myself more if I adopted a more relaxed view of how I want to look. Not like I need to look dictated by the fashion gaystapo, but how I really feel comfortable. This is something that women usually feel and that many men do not recognize: there's a pressure to look a certain way that is sometimes very hard to bear.

So I need to relax. So what if I'm not a size 30? So what if I like chocolate a tad too much? So what if I don't have a beach body in the middle of April? I don't think I'm gonna do like Sam and take a shirtless selfie but I promise that the next time I pass by a mirror, I won't look. I'll just keep walking.


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A post shared by Sam Smith (@samsmith) on

He then shared this LINK on his Instagram. I died. Cause from my point of view, Sam looks all kinds of nice.


  1. I'd do sam in a heartbeat! what's not to like? HE'S FURRY! my kinda guy!

    I accepted myself a long time ago as a fat old broad who likes sweets a lot and who likes good food and who lifts weights to ease the arthritis. because I looks this way, no str8 guy will hit on me, and that's just fine. my gay male friends think I am beautiful. I.AM.FABULOUS!

    fuck all media; they want everyone to look like barbie and ken dolls. ain't gonna happen. my maternal grandparents looked the way I do and they lived into their 90s.

    also, june 21 will mark 30 years since I beat cancer. yes, at age 35 I was handed a death sentence. FUCK CANCER! besides, we all gonna die someday; we might as well have one hell of a ride til we get there! so eat that cake! have another glass of wine! savor that fine chocolate!


  2. Sometimes it's hard to accept the way you look because the ideals of so-called perfection are everywhere. And when faced with those images no one can ever measure up, but why should they? You gotta be like Sam and just learn that YOU are enough.

  3. I've struggled with weight for as long as I can remember. It wasn't until a few years ago that, with the assistance of Weight Watchers (WW), that I was able to get to a healthy weight. I'm not one to go to the gym to tone things up, and having lost the weight, there's still a LOT that isn't "toned." I'm at the age that I figure it is, what it is. I'm fortunate to have a guy in my life that accepts me for who I am. And he should also know that HE's accepted and appreciated for who he is.

    We hear a lot about body positivity these days. And I think it's a move in the right direction. Not everyone is able to devote the time to getting rock solid. And some of us don't have the desire. We're happy with what we have. And that includes the people we associate with. If they can't accept us for who we are, are they valuable to us?

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

  4. I'm sure you are fine. I'm in the same boat. I don't know what to classify myself as...so I use the termed retired twink. I'm not thin enough for a actual twink or age. I'm more muscular...but not a jock either....I'm not big enough. Retired twink is it.

  5. Body shaming has always been around in some form or another. it's like fashion shaming. The whole thing is based upon clique mentality. Those few who seem to have everything feel that gives them the right to denigrate. My body fluctuates... sometimes I'm robust and sometimes not so robust. It's all genetic anyway.

  6. @annemarie: you’re awesome, girl! And kudos to you for beating that MoFo. I will have some chocolate on your name, I promise XoXo
    @Bob: you know what? You’re right. I should follow his example. It’s just hard to change that frame of mind. Internal sabotaging, you know.
    @bae: 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 XoXo
    @maddie: retired twins it is. Let’s start a revolution! Woot woot!
    @Dave: so true. I call them they Gaystapo 😎.


  7. Like you, I do not fit into any of the categories (twink, bear, cub, otter, daddy, etc) and I have always had body acceptance issues too. I have been at least a little (and sometimes a lot) overweight my entire life. One of the things that helped me become less self-conscious was going to Beef Dip, Puerto Vallarta's bear week. There were lots of guys at the pool and beach who had such confidence that it helped me realize its all in MY head... being self-conscious or confident.


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