Previous survey research has found that people who report having more sex also report being happier, but most of this evidence is based on cross-sectional data, so it’s not clear if sex really makes people happy or if being happy encourages sex. With their methodology, Kashdan and his team were able to unravel cause and effect.
Well, I have to tell you that having sex makes me happy. I may not have needed to read some research to confirm that. Maybe it's the qualifier 'more' what called my attention. So sex makes me happy. And I’m not talking about porn-scene-like sex. With all the Cirque Du Soleil acrobatics and the immaculate lighting of a porn set. I mean just sex. I mean sweaty, not-always-kosher, sometimes messy sex. It's out-of-breath, heart-thumping, I-just-want-to-moan sex. It could be on the carpet. Or on the bed. It does not require any extra allowances. It's not even daily sex. Still, it makes me happy. It makes me happy because of many factors. Especially because he seems to enjoy it as much as I do. He treats me like a hungry man treats his favorite meal. And it feels good.
But at the same timeI think we’ve put a heavy marker on sex and therefore its status as a happiness cornerstone has been somehow distorted. Not in the xtianist wife way, mind you, where’s only sex-within-marriage (and the impossibility of denying the husband some pussy implies fails too big to write about in a blog post) works, but in a FOMO, more millennial kind of way. Apparently for some, (like the meninists, who complain that nobody is fucking them) we need to have sex on the daily and it should always be the ultimate performance. Our bodies need to be top notch and so has to be the sex we have.
You see, more and more people add credit to their value for the amount of sex they have and that's just kind of misguided, from my point of view. When I say sex makes me happy, I'm not talking about cinematic, fifty shades of stupid sex cohabitation. Sex does not have to be absolutely earth shattering every time we have sex to make us happy. Sex is about being with that man you really want. Sex is the moment. I don't know when we started as a society to be constantly looking for the ultimate experience. It should be all those reality shows that imply some kind of especial algorithm that warranties the best you've ever had is the only acceptable option.
It could be that YOLO/FOMO mentality that drags some people to believe that the next best thing is right around the corner, making them blind to what they can actually have. I have friends that do not really seem to enjoy the dates they have because there's always the next Tinder/Grindr thing waiting for them. They don't seem to appreciate the small things in life or the non-hookup dates because they seem to be running out of time to... do it all over again?
I can't explain it. Why does it seem that people are enjoying sex less? Or having less sex? It's not devaluation, like the wingnuts try to put it (did you know that they try to get women not to be sexually active before marriage by telling them they're 'using up' their mojo? yep). It's not for lack of venues to find a partner (Tinder, Grindr, et.al.) and it's not for lack of wanting, but many I talk to seems to be having... less sex?
I don't know how to explain it. Maybe you have a better answer than me for that. But if sex makes us happy (it makes me happy) why don't we try to have some? And then have some sex that means something for us. It does not have to be within the boundaries of a relationship. It can be impromptu. It can be long or short. I believe we can do that. We can try and find someone who really gets us going. Somebody who lets us get our freak on. Somebody we enjoy and that enjoys us. Is it really THAT difficult?