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On dit qu’elle déprime, mais Grindr ne fait pas perdre tout espoir. Parmi ses utilisateurs, 56,9% d’entre estiment pouvoir y trouver l’amour, selon une étude menée par un comparateur d’assurances auprès de 2000 adultes utilisants des applications de rencontre. Les plus jeunes seraient d’ailleurs les plus optimistes à ce sujet. En effet, à la question « Pensez-vous qu’il soit possible de tomber amoureux via une appli ? », 34% des 25-34 ans interrogés répondent « Oui, absolument ».


I was reading on TioWalter about the dangers of getting ghosted when trying to find a connection online. Totally true. It's not as easy as it seems. Especially if you want more than a wham-bam-thank-you-man. Getting ghosted, as Walter mentioned, is when somebody with whom you've had nice interactions suddenly disappears. No Ouija board needed to know that they've disappeared on thin air. And it happens more often than not. It's the age of online dating (and hooking up) so we should not be surprised.

« Oui, absolument ».  

Remember I told you I'd write about meeting cute on Grindr one day? Well, here it is: I went on grindr on a dare. I was on Tumblr (the microblogging app that suddenly decided porn was too much for it and cleaned me out of my blog) and was having convos with tons of people. One of them, Aaron, became a good friend and one day dared me to get Grindr and get the men on it to talk to me without trying to fuck me.

You see, at that point Aaron was totally burned out with the whole hookup app thing. He'd tried several and decided the men on them were trash and wanted nothing to do with them. I told him that I thought he was wrong. That there were still men who would have a normal conversation, like a normal human being and that they would probably send me dick pics at the third 'what's up?' but that they would have a normal interaction when prompted.

So I downloaded the app and got to working. I don't think I even had a full face picture on it. I think it was some shady half-obscured photo I had taken during a trip to California that was more hoodie and t-shit than face and body. I also listed my age as 75 to get rid of the 'how old are you?' questions and wrote on my bio that I was looking for conversation and friends. So that was that.

Then I found him. We started chatting and everything seemed to go well. We chatted about movies, and about politics and about all kinds of things. No, I did not get a dick pic. I told Aaron about my chats with this guy and he was skeptic. I shrugged it off and kept on talking with my newfound 'friend'. There were some flirty texts. We shared cute links. Then we shared more provocative links. It was an easy, natural connection. Of course when you're online you're more daring. You tend to suggest more than what you'd do face to face. Aaron was still skeptic.

Then one day we decided to meet. You see, one thing is a connection with a man online. Online you can be Norman Mailer or a Caped Crusader and nobody'd know the difference, as Savage Garden sang. People take on different personas when they're behind a keyboard (or behind that blue and yellow blurbs on Grindr). Besides, one never knows how it's gonna be when you meet face to face. It's in the look in his eyes, in the touch of his hand, on the way he walks. Right?

Se we met. I chose a public place. You know, I'm no Captain America. I don't get to 5'9" and I'm barely a welterweight, so I have to be careful when meeting men off the internet. Or anywhere. And we arranged for a sit down. Aaron warned me not to have high expectations. I felt some trepidation, of course. He sounded great on Grindr. Witty, politically aware, sexy. It read too perfect and I wanted to see how I'd react to him in the flesh.

I got to the place and I think he was there already. 'Good!' I thought. A punctual man. Good sign. His gaze was direct and steady. Clear, amused eyes. Nice, strong hands. Easy smile. Right now I don't remember what we talked about. I think it was all light talk and easy banter. I have no idea what we ate. He moved around easily and had a quiet physicality that made me feel at ease. I think I touched his hand once or twice. I'm very touchy-feely. And I wanted to know how I'd react to his touch. It felt good.

Time went by fast. Suddenly, we had finished out meal but we kept chatting. I think it was dark out when we left. In the parking lot, I was convinced he was going to kiss me. I was more than ready for it to happen. You see, we were lucky. The same feeling of connectedness, the same easy conversation was present in the flesh. And now I wanted those big hands on me.

But we didn't kiss. Not that first day. Later he told me that it took him some willpower not to kiss me right there, in that parking lot in the middle of suburbia. I wouldn't have minded. Not at all. We didn't have sex right away, either. That came later. It was in a way, an old-fashioned start. We did use technology to get in touch, but the rest of that start of the relationship was like it was before Grindr changed the game.

And the rest, well, that's a post for some other day, Constant Reader.



  1. I love a nice boy-meets-boy story! I look forward to the next instalment whenever you care to share it!

  2. I met Carlos online, across the nation--he was east coast, I was west--and we had great conversations online and then the phone. It was all very easy and interesting. Then came the idea of meeting face-to-face; I jumped at the chance and made plans to fly to Miami. On that flight, though, my mind jumped to all kinds of crazy places, and I half-decided that when I changed planes in Houston, I would stay there for the week, and then go home, having never met Carlos.
    I didn't know from ghosting back then. But I would tell my friends it "just didn't work out" and I would never speak to Carlos again.
    Luckily,as I like to say, I shook the Etch-a-Sketch and stayed on the plane all the way to Florida where I met him, and fell in love with him, and now ot's almost 19 years later.

    It can happen,as you have seen with your own encounter.

  3. Hmmmm.
    I must be doing something wrong.
    I need to ditch my phone and get one like yours and Bob's.
    Thank you for the mention.

  4. Your story made me feel sad..... which is ungracious


  5. Parfois ça marche, surtout ça ne marche pas.


    spouse and I met via a personal ad in a free weekly washington dc newspaper. he placed the ad. yes, pre-internet, pre-cellphone days. it's now 28 years later. yes, it can happen.

    but BEFORE your prince arrives, you will meet many many many frogs. and most of them will want a quick fuck and then ghost you. recommendation - NEVER FUCK on the first meeting, have respect for yourself, you are NOT a ho. and you never know what diseases those frogs may be carrying.

    keep your eyes on the prize, brothers!

  7. That is a great story. I have met some guys on line , but it is mostly sex that they wanted from me, which was fine, because that's all I wanted. A few I wanted to see again, but after talking some, when they found out about the drag thing, they were done...and I wasn't even doing drag regularly. Or they thought I was alright, and just wanted my cock.One guy I slept with once, said I might like his friend to date. So we went out a hand full of times. After we had sex, I never saw him again. He said he just wanted to see my beautiful cock he heard about!!!!! Seriously? I still like meeting my men face to face casually best. I have never been a huge app person. I have been tempted to try grindr sometime.

    I don't get the whole ghosting thing why they do it. Had I been ghosted I think it would upset me.

  8. @Debra: LOL yes, it was kind of cute. I had a lot of trepidation but things worked out well.
    @Bob: it's all in those millisecond decisions we make. One change we make and everything could end in a totally different way, right?
    @Walter: I think you're doing all the right things. It takes a moment to find the right guy, though...
    @John: awww really? I wanted to make you all smile a little.
    @Dave: Ca marche si'l faut! LOL
    @AnneMarie: woohoo! Yay! your French is totally functional! And I'm totally with you there.
    @Maddie: And that's something that some men are not really upfront with: if they wanna just fuck they should say it. If they want to explore something else, well then. And I cannot believe that guy basically wanted to go out with your... dick? Really. And if I were to be ghosted I'd be pissed off, too! They need to have the balls to say they are really not interested and we can move on.



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