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Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
Because it's OK to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
But secretly you'd love to know what it's like
Wouldn't you?
What it feels like for a girl

Corey Camperchioli decided to create his own short film dealing with the femmephobia that pervades the rarified gay stratosphere. Oh, you've never heard of 'no fems'? Nobody has told you you're not 'their type"? Lucky you! That probably means that you 'pass'. That you are 'normal'. That probably means that you could just click on Grindr and get some dick delivered to your door, without much ado.

The 'no fems' is the war cry of the 'masc for masc' crowd. Corey's journey of self-acceptance and his telling his story of how he arrived to him liking who he was is touching and inspiring. He mentions in a HuffPost piece how he was deemed 'too gay' to be an actor. Can you imagine?

I understand the reasoning of some men when they say 'I like men, if I liked women I would fuck one'. But do they know that a femme guy has the same bits and pieces a 'masc' guy has? I think their misogyny is showing. I understand the attraction of the waist-to-shoulders ratio that Captain America has showed us is so clearly in all those movies. I could sing the praise of facial hair and bouncing pecs until I go hoarse. But I could never deem another man 'too femme' to fuck and put it in a profile for the world to see. Or to go ahead and tell HIM that he's too femme for us to fuck.

I think masculinity is treated as currency by some gay men and that's a mistake. It's not all black OR white. Yes, Id' like for Rocco Steele and Colby Jensen to pay me a four-hour visit and show me one thing or two about flexibility and spit roasting. Duh. I'm a horny bastard. But to deny that some men are attractive and sexy and could be fantastic in bed just because they seem to share some traits that are considered 'feminine' is a stretch. Would I date a guy who's considered 'femme'? I've done it. It's been fun. The relationship has not worked because of who we are, not because of what we are perceived to be.

It has more to do with the idea that we have of what being a man or woman is. It may have to do with the idea that we, as a society, feel that a woman is less-than and therefore a man who shares traits with a woman is by default, less-than. That reasoning has been used by bigots since time began to discriminate against gay men in general. Oh, yeah. The straight men so many gay men pine for think they are disgusting because they like dick. Yeah, nobody has told that to all those subscribers to NextDoorMale and BrokeStraightBoys. Not everybody in gaydom looks like the Sean Cody models. Not every gay man on earth has the physique of a Falcon performer. Those are avatars! They stand for what the media has deemed attractive.

Some men also pine for the 'normal'. The 'guy next door'. And there ARE gay men who ARE the guy next door. Being fem is not a prerequisite to being gay. Nor is being 'masc'. 'You don't look gay' is a badge worn with pride. We live in an in-between. It's not all-or-nothing. I'm sure many 'masc' guys like taking it up the ass. I'm sure many fem guys enjoy drilling some ass. How we present ourselves does not always define what we do in bed. Sometimes it does. Most times it doesn't. If what the 'masc for masc' crew craves is that dominance they say masculine men have, they would have to check some dominatrix and her tricks. We have adopted some kind of twisted logic in which anything deemed 'feminine' is bad. So Corey's short film comes at a good moment. Not only because it's time somebody talks about this publicly, but because it would be good for people to understand that it's ok to be boyish. But it's ok to be girlish, too.



  1. I know, “perceptions are everything.” But that doesn’t mean that what we see defines who that person is. Corey’s story is inspiring. He took a negative experience and turned it into something powerful for himself and others. And I’m of the opinion that gay men that present as femme are some of the strongest people out there. They endure the ridicule of the world at large, not just in the community. I believe that if some of the “masc” crowd were subjected to what many femme men endure, they’d be curled up in a corner afraid to come out. So, much love and support to the femmes among us!

    Oh, and make sure you let me know when Rocco and Colby show up. 😘

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

  2. A Drag Queen told me that they were a top.I was Stunned!

    My parents knew I was gay long before I did. They took out a life insurance policy on me without me knowing. It must have been the way I held a cigarette while smoking. :)

    But, there is someone for everyone!

  3. I have a friend who is BEYOND fem and yet completely utterly unabashedly straight. Go figure.

  4. In my younger years, I was definitely a twink....pretty blond boy. While I and my friends think I look just like a cute gay now, i did get one night I'm too fem. I dont care if guys think i am fem or not. Fuck em. They obliviously have security issues or or just limited to opening themselves up. Some of the best dates i had were with fem guys.

  5. I have a number of friends who are fem, and some rather cute, but I'll be honest, I'd rather pair off with a construction worker, or a roofer, or even an electrician... what can I say? I work in a home improvement store.

  6. Well I prefer more masculine type men but that's just my preference, I don't think there is anything bad or wrong with feminine guys. Also I'm not hung up on any one type so there have been plenty of feminine men that have pushed my buttons. I never understand the need to be mean on a dating profile, why say things like"no fatties" or "no Asians". Just state your preference and don't be hurtful.

  7. @bae: yes, his story is inspiring. And he’s taking the lemons that have been handed to him and making some lemonade. Kudos.
    @jimmy: there’s a foot for every shoe, that’s for sure. And we should never assume anything. One of my friends who’s a self avowed power bottom got in a relationship with a drag queen and he’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him. So yeah.
    @bob: omg YES! Same. This guy at work even has the voice and the snark. Totally straight.
    @Maddie: yes, insecurity and lack of awareness On my way! To mind...
    @dave: oh, of course it’s a matter of preference. And I don’t work at a home improvement store and a big brute with tender eyes would always make me look twice.
    @steven: I don’t understand why the no gems, not fats no Asians should go there, either. When they write it down it’s not a preference. It’s offensive. If a guy I don’t find attractive contacts me i would simply say that I’m talking with someone else or something like that. No need to be a dick while looking for some, right?



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