Because I can
“I could write a song about this and maybe I will but for now, I will use ‘CRIMINAL’ to help the WRONGLY criminalized get justice.”
Fiona Apple, along with Matchbox Twenty, Tracy Chapman, Tori Amos, Dashboard Confessional and Green Day among others, will always mean 'freshman college' to me. Fiona -and Criminal- do have a special meaning for me: When that video came out, the 'break a boy just because he can' lyric was too close for comfort.
You see, I started a relationship with a guy while still being in a relationship with somebody else. It was foolish, risky, irresponsible, immature and absolutely exhilarating. And I was in that limbo for hot minute. I could not make up my mind and I messed up big time, messing up their lives and mine, in the process. There's nothing worse than feeling that you love two men at the same time and being incapable of making up your mind and deciding already what (or who) is it that you want/need/love. That's why I don't think monogamy is for me. It was the best of times and the worst of times and I sometimes still think about it.
I ended up without either. I had to leave them both because I was presented with an opportunity I could not say no to. So I did the selfish but right thing to do and I uprooted myself and gave up two of the men I have loved most. One of them passed away last year, way before his time. We were best friends and he was my accomplice and confidant, even after all those years. The other one decided to vanish himself and one day disappeared and I have not been able to track him down. And that may be better for me, because I had gotten in a vicious circle with our relationship, enabling his codependency and not being able to break free from his needs and claims. Guilt works like that sometimes.
Yeah, all this came back to me when I read that Fiona Apple was going to donate all the proceeds from her hit Criminal to benefit While They Wait, an organization that works providing help to refugees. She has also encouraged other artists to do the same and I hope they follow through. It's an awesome gesture and I think it will help some people who really need it.
Funny, what one song can do to you, no?