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Ten across the board

So there. I would give myself a ten. Or a six. It depends on you talking about the scale here or if your'e talking about the Kinsey one. I have always been the guy with his nose in a book, not into sports, kinda smaller and into movies and plays. Kinda geeky. Lately I have apparently developed some kind of style that other people find salient but that for me, it's just practical. And I like either big, baggy jeans or tight 501's. The thing is, though, that we are sometimes too obsessed about 'how' gay we and other people are or appear to be. And that may take the fun out of meeting other men or getting to know them. Because getting to know a man is part of the fun and going but the most obvious traits sometimes takes that fun away. Some drag queens I've known are total tops. Some big, burly jock types are absolute bottoms. So why do we categorize men as 'gay' or 'not gay'? if not for mating purposes? Maybe because it make US feel better?

I have to admit that I don't think I have a strong gaydar. I sometimes overlook the obvious and simply chalk it up to style and metrosexuality run amok. So I am going to categorize the men in the video according to my own gaydar. Here we go:

  • One: yes, ten. Because yes. Especially when he talks. And those shorts. He's fab, though.
  • Two: One. Really. He's just another guy. Probably into comic books and super heroes but he does not read gay to me.
  • Three: Three. He does not spell out 'gay' to me. Nails painted? Half of my classroom has nails painted. And I like the beard.
  • Four: One? I cannot see the gay there. He may be fun, but not gay to me. It may be the muscles. Muscles tend to throw my gaydar off.
  • Five: One. He does not look like a gay man to me. He's only been out for a couple years, too. And as he said, he'd trained himself to 'look' like that. It's a conscious defense mechanism for some men.
  • Six: Two? Not even with 'the little fox' thing. He's cute though. 
  • Seven: One. He would not look or sound or anything gay to me. At all.
  • Eight: Ten. Because he looks like the idea I have o a twink. Love the jeans. 

This was an exercise I actually enjoyed! On the one side, I realized that I usually don't pay much attention to subtle clues in men. Maybe that's why I never know if they are flirting with me. I usually think that they are just being nice. Or social. I tend to go for the most obvious traits (fashion, style) than by minor clues like speech or nods to camp or body type. I also think that training has something to do with it: I hav been to so many seminaries and workshops on diversity and multiculturalism that I seem to have lost that idea of categorizing. Some of the most straight men I know would read gay in any other setting: they are super fun, they get movie, music and pop culture references and have a very twisted sense of humor.

So how about you? Are you a One? A Five? A Ten? And if you are a girl, What would you be as a gay man? Go ahead, tell me. I've got time.



  1. I guess I would rate myself as a two or three. I was upset with myself at pride because both days I probably was dressed more like someone going to a job interview than to a fun parade. I think I stuck out like a straight thumb there. This was a fun post and I agree with the guy that said being more gay or gay looking is fun. I say that half of the guys I would guess right away, the other half ranged from I would suspect to wouldn't have guessed.

  2. So from my handle, I would obviously say I’m a one, much like the older gentleman. I have no fashion sense, not into popular culture much, kind of nerdy 🤓 (StarTrek, anyone?), and not into sports, except for looking at the guys. But I’d be interested in your assessment 😎.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

    PS I think you’re an 8 or 9.

  3. Interesting. I think all you need to do is go to a Pride Festival to see that our Family way too diverse for the straight community to even begin to understand... except for Anne Marie.

  4. @dave - I LOVE DIVERSITY! SMOOCHES! it takes many flavors to make a world.

    I like guy #6, the asian guy. serious, but can be fun.

  5. At my age I invisible, so I'll say 2. But when I open my mouth GUUUURL, I'm a 10!

  6. I love Jimmy!

    Let's not beat around the bush...Im a 20!

  7. I think many gay men peg me for gay, because of being so clean cut and muscular, but not all, but when around straight people, they fall out when I tell them I'm am gay and love dick way more than I should. I would peg myself a 5.

  8. @steven: there’s no gay pride uniform. You can go as you are. That’s the joy of Pride. What matters is that you DID go.
    @bare: I think you’re a one. And I like that.
    @dave: bingo! There’s so much variety in the lgbtq community that it cannot be graded. And AnneMarie needs to be declared a national treasure.
    @annemarie: amen, sister! And I agree! He was totally adorable.
    @jimmy: well, invisible to the 21 year old thinks, but they don’t count, darling.
    @maddie: yes! Breaking the mold is our role in life!
    @caliboi: I would not peg you for gay, though. At least from the photos you’ve posted. And I can see why straight people would be surprised. Not checking a box could be refreshing.


  9. national treasure? nah, just an open-minded human being!


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