forty or more

Oh, hi.
Welcome to a lot of naked men. Also, this post was inspired by Steven (hi, honey) and one of his posts about something that happened to him in a dating app. Apparently a guy in his fifties sent him a 'wink' or something like that and Steven discovered that his potential Romeo was interested in men 'forty or less'. I told Steven that if a man was to be interested in men younger than himself he should be presentable and at least look like he took some time to put himself together. And I'm not talking about body shape. I am talking about being able to carry out a conversation and offering an idea of how he looks like, i.e. putting his best face forward. I didn't mention his shape because a man's body IS going to change, no matter how much time he spends on keeping it fit. It's called 'growing older'.

I am assuming (and herein lies a big problem, but that's another post) that a man over forty (or fifty) is going to have his shit together and I am not going to talk about him being smart or being able to carry a conversation. That should be a given. After thirty, a man who cannot carry out a conversation or can only type "s'up?" on his phone should be slapped and sent back wherein he came. Worrying about an over-forty man's intellectual capacity is an exercise in futility. If he doesn't have his shit together at that age, it's very unlikely that he will ever have it sorted out. So there's that, and I think that's why Steven was kind of annoyed by the older Romeo in the dating app.

Now, I believe that to be attractive, an older man -defined as, over fifty?- can have the body that he has at that age, and that body is going to be different to the body of a twenty year old. There's no way around it. And that's sexy, I believe, because with age comes a certain confidence and savoir faire that has nothing to do with body shape and all to do with what the man has between his ears. And that's attractive. An older man does not have to have a specific kind of body to be attractive. He can be attractive no matter the body shape he has. It's all in the head, didn't you know? We have to take into account how a man ages as we age ourselves. Wasn't Shakespeare who said man has seven ages? Well, when a man reaches the fifth or sixth stage in those ages one's body is not going to look as it did in its second or third stages. And that is also a fact.

Aging is a given. So why do we expect men in their fifties and above to have the banging body of a twenty year old jock? Yes, he can watch what he eats. Yes, he can exercise, but his body is not going to be 'cut' or look like a twenty year old's body. 3% body fat is something that does not come easy.  Not even like a thirty year old's body. Years. They happen to all of us. We need to be realistic. There's going to be some thickening of the chest and some thickening of the waist. And of the thighs. And there may be a little bit of a belly. And now it's getting hot in here. Damn a hot daddy with a dadbod does get me all worked up.

That's why I would not expect a fifty year old to look like a twenty year old. What I find attractive in men over forty or fifty is precisely that he does not look like a twenty year old (I'd actually consider a thirty year old if he'd look as thicc as a forty year old, but that's just me) . If we like how a twenty or thirty year old looks, then we may have to look for that kind of man. The thing is, men in their twenties and thirties, well, they like men like themselves, with the same body type and probably with the same interests and hobbies. I know, some younger men like older men, but mostly, they stick to their age bracket. And that's cool.

Yet, there's some men that keep their bodies fit throughout their lives. Be it genetics or exercise, they stay fit and trim until they reach old age. And that's fantastic. But most of us don't. Or won't. Or can't. For whatever reason. So those who keep the same body shape they had when they were in their twenties or thirties are very lucky and more power to them for it. But they are the exception, not the rule. And that's another factor to take into account.

What I do think is that in our minds, we STILL look like we did when we were younger. I think there's a little bit of cognitive dissonance in the way some men see ourselves and that kind of gives us a biased perception of our physical presence. And this is especially true among gay men. And this may be Steven's Romeo's issue: he still sees himself as a forty or thirty year old. The Peter Pan syndrome is not our only possible affliction.

I think that's what happens in those dating and hookup apps when men ask (demand?) to meet younger men (or younger-looking men). Some men keep in their minds an image of themselves that may be out of sync with the way they have aged. And that may be a problem when being in one of those hookup or dating apps: those men are going to hit a wall -reality, some would say- when trying to attract the men they think are going to be attracted to them. I think they should own their age and enjoy it. That's sexy. I'm sure they'd be more successful in their search for those men ten or so years younger, because confidence is attractive.

So what would be the solution to the aging man conundrum? I don't have it. I just write stuff in a blog and some people read it. But what I do know is that I like adult men. I personally PREFER men over forty, mind you, but I would not kick out of my bed a thirty year old just because he hasn't aged yet. And you? What's your pleasure? Tell me. I'm all ears...

XOXO