forty or more



Oh, hi.
Welcome to a lot of naked men. Also, this post was inspired by Steven (hi, honey) and one of his posts about something that happened to him in a dating app. Apparently a guy in his fifties sent him a 'wink' or something like that and Steven discovered that his potential Romeo was interested in men 'forty or less'. I told Steven that if a man was to be interested in men younger than himself he should be presentable and at least look like he took some time to put himself together. And I'm not talking about body shape. I am talking about being able to carry out a conversation and offering an idea of how he looks like, i.e. putting his best face forward. I didn't mention his shape because a man's body IS going to change, no matter how much time he spends on keeping it fit. It's called 'growing older'.



I am assuming (and herein lies a big problem, but that's another post) that a man over forty (or fifty) is going to have his shit together and I am not going to talk about him being smart or being able to carry a conversation. That should be a given. After thirty, a man who cannot carry out a conversation or can only type "s'up?" on his phone should be slapped and sent back wherein he came. Worrying about an over-forty man's intellectual capacity is an exercise in futility. If he doesn't have his shit together at that age, it's very unlikely that he will ever have it sorted out. So there's that, and I think that's why Steven was kind of annoyed by the older Romeo in the dating app.



Now, I believe that to be attractive, an older man -defined as, over fifty?- can have the body that he has at that age, and that body is going to be different to the body of a twenty year old. There's no way around it. And that's sexy, I believe, because with age comes a certain confidence and savoir faire that has nothing to do with body shape and all to do with what the man has between his ears. And that's attractive. An older man does not have to have a specific kind of body to be attractive. He can be attractive no matter the body shape he has. It's all in the head, didn't you know? We have to take into account how a man ages as we age ourselves. Wasn't Shakespeare who said man has seven ages? Well, when a man reaches the fifth or sixth stage in those ages one's body is not going to look as it did in its second or third stages. And that is also a fact.



Aging is a given. So why do we expect men in their fifties and above to have the banging body of a twenty year old jock? Yes, he can watch what he eats. Yes, he can exercise, but his body is not going to be 'cut' or look like a twenty year old's body. 3% body fat is something that does not come easy.  Not even like a thirty year old's body. Years. They happen to all of us. We need to be realistic. There's going to be some thickening of the chest and some thickening of the waist. And of the thighs. And there may be a little bit of a belly. And now it's getting hot in here. Damn a hot daddy with a dadbod does get me all worked up.



That's why I would not expect a fifty year old to look like a twenty year old. What I find attractive in men over forty or fifty is precisely that he does not look like a twenty year old (I'd actually consider a thirty year old if he'd look as thicc as a forty year old, but that's just me) . If we like how a twenty or thirty year old looks, then we may have to look for that kind of man. The thing is, men in their twenties and thirties, well, they like men like themselves, with the same body type and probably with the same interests and hobbies. I know, some younger men like older men, but mostly, they stick to their age bracket. And that's cool.



Yet, there's some men that keep their bodies fit throughout their lives. Be it genetics or exercise, they stay fit and trim until they reach old age. And that's fantastic. But most of us don't. Or won't. Or can't. For whatever reason. So those who keep the same body shape they had when they were in their twenties or thirties are very lucky and more power to them for it. But they are the exception, not the rule. And that's another factor to take into account.



What I do think is that in our minds, we STILL look like we did when we were younger. I think there's a little bit of cognitive dissonance in the way some men see ourselves and that kind of gives us a biased perception of our physical presence. And this is especially true among gay men. And this may be Steven's Romeo's issue: he still sees himself as a forty or thirty year old. The Peter Pan syndrome is not our only possible affliction.



I think that's what happens in those dating and hookup apps when men ask (demand?) to meet younger men (or younger-looking men). Some men keep in their minds an image of themselves that may be out of sync with the way they have aged. And that may be a problem when being in one of those hookup or dating apps: those men are going to hit a wall -reality, some would say- when trying to attract the men they think are going to be attracted to them. I think they should own their age and enjoy it. That's sexy. I'm sure they'd be more successful in their search for those men ten or so years younger, because confidence is attractive.



So what would be the solution to the aging man conundrum? I don't have it. I just write stuff in a blog and some people read it. But what I do know is that I like adult men. I personally PREFER men over forty, mind you, but I would not kick out of my bed a thirty year old just because he hasn't aged yet. And you? What's your pleasure? Tell me. I'm all ears...

XOXO

Comments

  1. Ah! Real bodies! Real men. So yummy.
    As a man of a certain age myself, I do believe a suitable age range is desirable when dating. I have no qualms making friends with men of all ages, but dating requires certain affinities some young ones are yet to find or learn for themselves. Some examples: Dreamgirls was a *musical* before it made it to film. I don't want to hear another peep-squeak saying it'd be brilliant if they turned it into a musical on Broadway. I marvel at anyone who know knows who opened for the Go Gos concert in 1984. And you certainly win my heart over if your living room has a collection of books instead of a Playstation. Yes, we all have our preferences...but, dear Steve, you did the right thing. Mr. 55 should know better. Now, if you'll excuse me, Daddy's calling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And when daddy calls...
      It’s so good when you talk to a man and he KNOWS what you’re talking about! The fact is, many younger men are really pretty, but I need more than that.
      So who opened for the GoGo’s in 84?

      XoXo

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    2. A Flock of Seagulls!

      Delete
  2. When I was a younger queerling, I liked older men, but as I grew up I found myself more attracted to men my own age, because we tended to be in the same places and share the same experiences, etc. Carlos and I are just a year apart.
    Now, that doesn't mean I don't find older, and younger men, attractive,but I would rather spend my time, my life,with someone my own age.
    But that's just me.

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    Replies
    1. Same! First boyfriend was almost ten years older. And I agree: attractive IS attractive. And some men are undeniably handsome, but for quality time, I still prefer them a couple years older 😎

      XoXo

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  3. What kind of man turns me on? Other than the obvious, babe 😘, I think breathing is a plus. Like you said, age is not kind to the male body unless your genetics or gym membership is maxed out. Unfortunately I struck out on both of those. I know that I won’t attract the younger set, but I’m not sure that’s what I want at this stage. You do want someone you can relate to, converse with. There’s more to life than a roll in the hay. But that’s fun sometimes too.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. Silly.
      Younger men are pretty but I think relating to them-is kind of a struggle. Especially nowadays. I keep looking at them and thinking: ‘really?’
      XoXo

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  4. I have no problems with men of any age, and have had sexual relations with all ages and still do. I prefer men within a 5 year age older or younger if I were to settle down though. But I seem to have a fwb for my various moods. One friend says I wear men like a clothing accessories....an extensions of my closet. One for every mood!!!!! But that first daddy is my type. Reminds me of my Warbucks.

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    Replies
    1. Oh gurrrrl. So Warbucks is THAT yummy, huh? Can’t blame you. And I think your strategy is the best.

      XoXo

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  5. Those pictures!!! Is it hot in here or is it just me? I prefer men around my age, I need to relate to them, plus I am being realistic, a twenty five year-old is not going to be interested in me. Older men have their own erotic hotness about them. I find it's the dismissive attitude of some men that irks me, others do it in a gentler way, the same as I saw a couple of "no fats, no fems", well no jerks either, I would never meet a guy with something so hurtful on his profile, speaks volumes regarding his personality.
    Also I can't tell you how many times a fellow blogger sent me a picture with an apology about how they are "not that good looking" ... only to receive a picture of a really handsome older man, I have to wonder what idiot made these cute men feel bad about themselves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Steve-o baby. I was choosing the photos and getting all hot and bothered myself! LoL
      Those twenty five year olds have their heads in the clouds. Two hours with one and you’ll be looking for the nearest exit. And I think we as gay men have to stop the insanity that everybody has got to be magazine cover hot. The fuck is that about?

      XoXo

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  6. Age is not an excuse for letting yourself go to pot. You just have to work at it more.

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    Replies
    1. Oh yeah. That’s true. But can you fit in the jeans you used to wear twenty five years ago? What about the T-shirts?

      XoXo

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  7. Replies
    1. Yep.
      You can add 5 for balance and I’m in!

      XoXo

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  8. I'll take 2 thru 7.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Deal!
      I’m gonna need more lube, honey.

      XoXo

      Delete

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