Keiynan

It never ceases to amaze me the amount of vtrol some gay men reserve for other gay men. No, this is not another post about the Masc 4 Masc, that scourge  of the hookup era. This is about your garden variety of gay man who just cannot stop declaring what is 'masculine' and what is, well, not. And who are this man's favorite target? Well, anybody who does not conform to his idea of what a man is and what a man does. It's vicious. It's deranged. It's irrational and it's above all, ridiculous. 

It's ridiculous because we all know that what is considered 'masculine' today was probably not very masculine years ago. And what was considered masculine in the XIIth century could certainly not be considered masculine today. Nevertheless, some poor souls insist that Ozzie and Harriet were the model to follow and that even though it's 2021, they would rather live in 1951, when the men were men and the Queers were, well, queer. There are whole cultures that seem to be very attached to what Mid-Century America  considered 'masculine'. And some men have never gotten over it.

But when it comes to masculinity, we are not all in the same boat. That's something that is not discussed often, especially among gay men. It's all very sotto voce, very limited to their little hookup apps (funny, because when pushing comes to shove, one of the two is gonna end up with his knees covering his ears, so there's that). Notions of masculinity are not discussed openly, especially among gay men of color. That's why this video kind of surprised me a little. Keiynan Lonsdale came to fame with  the movie Love, Simon. If you saw the movie, I think you'll remember him. If not, he was Simon's love interest and played the straight-as-an-arrow counterpart to sensitive Simon. I liked what he did with the role. And he's kept busy, playing different kinds of characters in movies. He also has put music out and can dance well. At the same time,  Keiynan has always struck me as a very confident man. And then I found this video and was like, Yes.  Because being a man is much more than just appearing to be a man. It comes from inside. 

KEIYNANLONSDALE

I think that's where the Masculinity Police fails: being a man is not tied to what you wear, or what you do in life or even to what you do in bed. Masculinity is tied to what you feel inside, more than what you let other people perceive about you. Some of the most masculine people I know do not even have to speak for you to KNOW they are masculine. They just are. That's why I cackle when somebody has such poor sense of being 'masculine' that has to demand a physical manifestation of it from others. 

Oh, I understand that some gay men carry with them forever the trauma of having been 'less than' masculine when they were growing up, or have always had that squirrelly, shifty look of the boy who was terrified he was going to be found out. That somehow, somewhere, somebody was going point at them at scream: sissy! As you may have noticed by the posts here, I have always been a proud cocksucker and an unashamed homosexual, so I have had time to observe those very 'masculine', very afraid men squirreling around me. It would be funny if it weren't depressing.

It's 2021. The XXIst century. Men wear high heels and nail polish (and skirts, too). Not to mention make- up and sometimes we even indulge in being in contact with our feelings. I know. Groundbreaking. Not everybody was born to be the Marlboro Man. But joking aside, it should not be that difficult, really, to just do something because we want to. Being 'masculine' is not the same as being a man, and vice-versa. Some guys can rock the Marlboro Man aesthetic pretty well and that's great and all. But some men just don't feel like it. And I'm here for that. I would not mind dating a man who rocks black nail polish or a kilt. Because he would still be a man underneath the painted nails or the skirt. And that's what matters to me.

Happy Pride!

XOXO

P. S. just a last thought, not originally mine, but I'll claim I found it:

THEBORINGGAY