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Keiynan



It never ceases to amaze me the amount of vtrol some gay men reserve for other gay men. No, this is not another post about the Masc 4 Masc, that scourge  of the hookup era. This is about your garden variety of gay man who just cannot stop declaring what is 'masculine' and what is, well, not. And who are this man's favorite target? Well, anybody who does not conform to his idea of what a man is and what a man does. It's vicious. It's deranged. It's irrational and it's above all, ridiculous. 

It's ridiculous because we all know that what is considered 'masculine' today was probably not very masculine years ago. And what was considered masculine in the XIIth century could certainly not be considered masculine today. Nevertheless, some poor souls insist that Ozzie and Harriet were the model to follow and that even though it's 2021, they would rather live in 1951, when the men were men and the Queers were, well, queer. There are whole cultures that seem to be very attached to what Mid-Century America  considered 'masculine'. And some men have never gotten over it.

But when it comes to masculinity, we are not all in the same boat. That's something that is not discussed often, especially among gay men. It's all very sotto voce, very limited to their little hookup apps (funny, because when pushing comes to shove, one of the two is gonna end up with his knees covering his ears, so there's that). Notions of masculinity are not discussed openly, especially among gay men of color. That's why this video kind of surprised me a little. Keiynan Lonsdale came to fame with  the movie Love, Simon. If you saw the movie, I think you'll remember him. If not, he was Simon's love interest and played the straight-as-an-arrow counterpart to sensitive Simon. I liked what he did with the role. And he's kept busy, playing different kinds of characters in movies. He also has put music out and can dance well. At the same time,  Keiynan has always struck me as a very confident man. And then I found this video and was like, Yes.  Because being a man is much more than just appearing to be a man. It comes from inside. 








I think that's where the Masculinity Police fails: being a man is not tied to what you wear, or what you do in life or even to what you do in bed. Masculinity is tied to what you feel inside, more than what you let other people perceive about you. Some of the most masculine people I know do not even have to speak for you to KNOW they are masculine. They just are. That's why I cackle when somebody has such poor sense of being 'masculine' that has to demand a physical manifestation of it from others. 

Oh, I understand that some gay men carry with them forever the trauma of having been 'less than' masculine when they were growing up, or have always had that squirrelly, shifty look of the boy who was terrified he was going to be found out. That somehow, somewhere, somebody was going point at them at scream: sissy! As you may have noticed by the posts here, I have always been a proud cocksucker and an unashamed homosexual, so I have had time to observe those very 'masculine', very afraid men squirreling around me. It would be funny if it weren't depressing.

It's 2021. The XXIst century. Men wear high heels and nail polish (and skirts, too). Not to mention make- up and sometimes we even indulge in being in contact with our feelings. I know. Groundbreaking. Not everybody was born to be the Marlboro Man. But joking aside, it should not be that difficult, really, to just do something because we want to. Being 'masculine' is not the same as being a man, and vice-versa. Some guys can rock the Marlboro Man aesthetic pretty well and that's great and all. But some men just don't feel like it. And I'm here for that. I would not mind dating a man who rocks black nail polish or a kilt. Because he would still be a man underneath the painted nails or the skirt. And that's what matters to me.

Happy Pride!

XOXO

P. S. just a last thought, not originally mine, but I'll claim I found it:










Comments

  1. Rigid gender roles and expectations are rooted in sexism and homophobia, pute and simple, no matter who espouses them. I love the gender fluid and the gender benders!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely.
      Pure misogyny. Homophobia is always a fear of the feminine or over estimating anything 'male'. Gender benders are the best!

      XOXO

      Delete
  2. The longer people fixate on this, the longer it will survive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, but there'll always be closeted, self-hating men who feel threatened by anybody who does not conform because then THEY will look 'bad'. Internalized homophobia is a very ugly monster. The notion that there's only ONE kind of masculinity needs to be stomped and that does not happen when people stay silent...

      XOXO

      Delete
  3. Having grown up during the Ozzie & Harriet era I can say I was called "sissy" not only by my father but by lots and lots of people. Fuck 'em. Personally, I love to see a man wearing a kilt. I've worn a skirt out in public. My wife and I went to visit a friend in the hospital. Got lots of stares, lots of laughter. One woman stopped me and said "Nice skirt!" I smiled and thanked her and we went our separate ways. So, masculine is what we each think it is.
    BTW - I thought "Love, Simon" was a great film!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, yes.
      Everybody who does not conform to that rigid assignment of gender roles is a 'sissy'. I've been called a sissy. Not that I care (they're not telling my anything new) but I find it infuriating. What the fuck do they care?
      I love the idea of you wearing a skirt! Oh, Big. So awesome.
      Masculine IS what we each think it is.

      XOXO

      P.S. I just watched Love, Simon last week again!!

      Delete
  4. Thank you, dear one, for being out in the world, fighting the same battles we all fight. This one? This particular bit of supposed criticism? It makes me laugh. How foolish are they who think they get to define what is subjective? Silly Mo's. I think is comes from a place of self-loathing - this need to put others down and cling to old, tired stereotypes. Thanks for sharing this. This man is gorgeous! Such energy and vitality. Adore. As I adore you and your blog. Kizzes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, they ARE foolish.
      Especially because they really believe that their definition of what is 'masculine' is the shit. And self-loathing is a terrible feeling. I think that all those men who cannot take men who are not conventionally 'masculine' have deeply rooted issues.
      And isn't he Keiynan magnetic? So charming!

      XOXO

      Delete
  5. "Love, Simon" was sold out here in Ft. Lauderdale for ages. We waited three days with tickets! I've never looked at myself masc or fem. I'm both. But Drag leaves me flat. I love going to the Drag brunch at Alibi, but there is one Drag restaurant that caters to straights. Bridal parties and crap like that. I went once and we got up and walked out mid dinner. I felt it degraded the performers.
    Keep in mind, that when I was 20yo drag queens were not welcome in gay bars. They brought police raids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree about the drag brunches. I never liked them. I much preferred doing shows in mostly gay venues. Many queens I know have said it's like being the animals in the zoo on show, and many have said they feel they have to watch how far to take a gag or joke. But then that defeats drag to me. Times have changed. With my generation, it was always a good club or bar when the drag queens were their to add hilarity and camp. But with gay bars and club closing left and right, it will be a new dilemma as to where just all these queens will go next ...another new chapter.

      Delete
    2. Exactly! Like Side Show freaks. That is why we stay on The Drive here in Wilma.

      Delete
    3. I also went to see Love, Simon in theaters.
      I think I even have a pic next to the movie poster! LOL And I think I may appear butch to some people because I have a very alpha energy. But I'm not conventionally masculine in appearance, if that makes sense. I like gender-bended clothes.
      And I like Drag, but what you and Maddie say is true. Drag is a queer art expression. It has really no room as entertainment for straight people. They don't get the references.

      XOXO

      Delete
  6. First off, he's a hot nugget.
    Secondly, if you're male, to me, you're masculine. I think it's a spectrum from hard core masculine to drop dead feminine, but it's how you act, whatever that may be. I can be masculine and I can be feminine, depends on my mood. Deal with it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't he handsome? That smile!
      And I agree with you. A man is per se, masculine. There are degrees of masculinity, but a man has it, no matter how he presents himself. And THAT is a mood.

      XOXO

      Delete
  7. Ill never understand it!

    I do and wear so I do and like. When at the Woods and I do my Pam Demic schtick, with the gloves and huge head pieces and heels, I know it bugs my one bear friend a bit and he won't even go on a golf cart ride with us if I'm dressed in non sense like that. I think he even gets un nerved by my collection of campy sunglasses alone. He has never said anything out of respect I surmise, but I won't stop having fun and bring fun just because some one thinks it too faggy and queenie. he just likes me when I'm bugling in a square cut. Well dear, that's just one side of me....I have always marched to my own drummer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG perfect example.
      I think that some men just cannot take it. They feel offended because they feel attacked. It's that little boy inside of them who fears being seen as 'less than' because of some perceived weakness or flaw (for them, being feminine or female is a weakness, apparently). I can't with them. Of course he's gonna like you when you're in a square cut because then you conform to HIS fantasy. For him, men are just sex. On his terms.

      XOXO

      Delete
  8. I agree with Bob, there are levels of masculinity. But in the end if you like dick and or ass there ain’t no way you can claim 100% masculinity. And it all boils down to being who you are and owning it. Fuck the haters.

    XOXO 👨🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏽

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it's a misguided notion of what being a male is.
      Some men just cannot see themselves associated (not even in their heads) with someone they consider weak or an embarrassment. Shame by proxy, I call it. Internalized homophobia lives with them.

      XOXO

      Delete
  9. video: the guy, for make-up, looks like an ancient egyptian!

    Keiynan got a new follower for his IG!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG
      Totally didn't make that connection but he DOES look like an ancient Egyptian!
      Good eye, Xersex!
      And his Insta is super fun!

      XOXO

      Delete

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