Call you by your name
Isn't it funny that we seldom stop to think what's on a name? Not even when people misspells it or mispronounces it. We just shrug and keep going. Bob, Steven, Dave, Walter. We have names that we have heard since childhood. We have names with which we identify. We have names that say something about who we are. But for my trans friends, finding a name that identifies them and getting people to use it, it has been a struggle.
Several of my friends have transitioned while we were already friends. Some of my trans friends I've met post-transition. I also have friends who identify and non-binary. What they all have in common is that they don't go by the name they were assigned at birth. And I think that's a big deal. As cisgender men, we never really think about our names or about changing them. We are just called what we have always been called. Some of us don't even know what our names MEAN.
"The New House". That's what my name means. And I like my name, mind you. I did not get my father's or grandfather's name and I'm happy with that. And I'm the only one in my family with that name. But it's a name with which I identify and it's a name that does not deny who I am. Think about it. Think about people calling you a name that does not fit your definition of 'you'. Think about people calling you a name that does not describe your gender. Just think about it for a minute.
When I call my friends by their chosen name, I feel I am seeing them. I feel I am validating them. I am telling them that they matter to me. I also use their preferred pronouns and I don't even think about their dead name. When people call your name next time, stop and think about what that means for people who do not have that privilege. Sounds different, doesn't it?
So next time somebody tells you:: ...'I go by..." Call them by their name. It is a big deal.
XOXO
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It’s awesome that Starbucks has this ad campaign. Using a persons correct name and pronouns shows you respect that person and, like you said, you see them. It shows that you value them.
ReplyDeleteWhen a person transitions they need support, more than most people. It may take you a little while to consistently use their new name, but I believe if you show them that you’re making an effort to get it right and correct your mistakes that will help with their self esteem.
XOXO 👨❤️💋👨
Starbucks is also kind of hypocritical. There's been suits against them for Trans discrimination in the past. But apparently in the UK they're trying.
DeleteWhen a person transitions, the period of adaptation can be grueling. It's up to us to make it better.
XOXO
I have not yet had the privilege of friending a trans person, or a non-binary person. but you can be damn sure I would address them with whatever names/pronouns they prefer!
ReplyDeleteYes! That's the attitude!
DeleteXOXO
Those ads are great! I have no problem calling people whatever name/pronouns they tell me. Their life, their right.
ReplyDeleteI know, right? I cannot understand why is it that there's people so damn involved in other people's lives. Besides, it's not our business how somebody names themselves.
DeleteXOXO
Bravo! This is a beautiful post. I wish more people were tolerant, embracing, and accepting of transgender folk. It's difficult enough to make the decision to be your true self. Why make it harder for someone to love and be themself? It's starts with us. When we love and accept ourself, we can extend that love to others. It's so easy, and so basic, we forget how simple it can be. Love, simply; be, wholly. Live, fully.
ReplyDeleteTans people have it hard. Apart from dealing with their own personal issues they have to put up with everybody's issues with THEM. As if they've got no right to do with their lives as they please or find convenient.
DeleteI agree with you: those people who do not accept others for whatever reason, have problems with themselves. I pity them.
XOXO
That is a great ad. Those of us who have no need or desire to change our names have it easy. But, for me, if someone tells me their name and it's not a birth name, I go with it.
ReplyDeleteTell me your name and no matter what, that's what I'll call you.
And that's how it should be. It's not difficult, isn't it? Some people are just so judgmental it's mind-blowing. Really.
DeleteXOXO
I've been sheltered, I guess. And that could be a good thing because I don't have any friends who have transitioned prior to meeting them, so it's easy to address them as they have introduced themselves to me. With as much time as I spend at the LGBTQ center here, you'd think I would've met at least one non-binary...but no one has declared as such. Not yet, anyway. Old fart that I am, I would still do my best. It's a matter of respect.
ReplyDeleteYes. It's much easier when we don't know their deadnames or who they were before we meet them. We just meet a new person and accept that.
DeleteHahahaha you'll see you start meeting more non-binary people eventually. Especially with younger people, gender fluidity is a more common occurrence.
XOXO
I'm attending a diversity panel the end of the month at the LGBTQ center. It's all about inclusivity in the arts. Should be very interesting!
DeleteI'd like to see those commercials in the US!
ReplyDeleteLiving in a predominately gay city, I've only met one person that was pangender. The person identified as "They". I have never met another person like that again. It was a truly unique and beautiful experience for me.
Not all transgender changes are successful. There are those that cannot tolerate the drugs for long periods. But I love seeing the proud young F/M guys showing off their new bodies shirtless in the streets.
What a great post!
Oh, you know that One Million Moms would have a conniption. Idiots. And isn't it cool when we meet someone who do not conform to gender norms? So refreshing.
DeleteAnd of course there are cases in which the transition is not successful. So heartbreaking.
XOXO
love the guy in the video!
ReplyDeleteIsn't he handsome?
DeleteXOXO
You're right.
ReplyDeleteLove the video (and Channel 4 too)
Channel 4 has the best programming!
DeleteXOXO
Precioso el video. Y muy interesante el tema. Durante una temporada estudié AntropologÃa social y cultural, y en una de sus materias ( creo que era la antropologÃa cognitiva ) decÃan algo muy parecido, que -expresado con mis palabras en términos más de andar por casa, jeje- dando nombre a las cosas del mundo organizamos y damos forma a ese mismo mundo. Y me costaba encontrar un ejemplo para entenderlo hasta que he leÃdo hoy tu post :-)
ReplyDelete...no, más abrazos no, que voy a resultar empalagoso, jajaja. Feliz fin de semana, amigo mÃo.
Y vamos, que nos das sorpresas, no?
DeleteY el hecho de que nombremos algo (o a alguien) valida su existencia de maneras que no no mimaginamos.
Y un abrazo nunca esta de mas! Y menos de ti.
XOXO