Education

I was reading Steven’s blog and he was commenting on how some kids born during the last twenty years or so have not had to go though a shitload of things lgbtq kids went through before them and I agree. I, for example never had available a show as unabashedly queer-friendly and inclusive as Sex Education in my Netflix queue. I didn't have online streaming, either. Thinks change at the speed of light when it comes to technology these days. So Sex Education is a show that talks frankly about sex and it was several queer storylines that feel as natural as the straight ones. There's sex, of course, and all the comedy that comes with sex, but there's also heartbreak and bullying. Because bullying is almost always part of life for some queer kids.

I was never seriously bullied, mind, you, even though it was obvious from an early age that I was as queer as a three dollar bill and I was way too twinky for my own good. I kind of flew under the radar for years, being the geeky kid I was, always reading and trying to get good grades. I had some major crushes on older boys and they usually kind of took me under their wing and let me hang around with them to help with their assignments. I think they served me as a shield against the bullies, given that they were older and bigger and in exchange they got to hang out with one of the kids who got good grades. Win/win.  I was pretty much ok until my last year of high school.

That last year of high school, I was mercilessly teased by a guy who did not miss one single opportunity to talk shit about me. In public. And he was very vocal about it. He never physically attached me, but he'd call me names: queer boy, gay boy, Nancy boy, fag, you name it. He seemed to gain steam when we were getting ready to go home and we got on the bus. Yeah, we took the school bus to bet home. It was catholic school, mind you. so yeah.

I made sure I never paid him any attention and that seemed to make him renew his efforts to get to me. He was loud and obnoxious. He was annoying and persistent. He was always alone in his teasing, though. Like a lone street dog barking at a passing car. Nobody ever joined him in his bullying. Many guys rolled their eyes at him but nobody stopped him, either. It was slightly pathetic, and a little bit sad, that show he put on for his own benefit, now that I look back.

While I was watching Sex Education, some those memories came back. You see, in Sex Education, which takes place during a non-specific, highly stylized and beautifully art-directed 80's-lite time, there's Eric, the tormented headmaster's son and Adam, the fabulous sidekick to Otis, the main character. Eric basically bullies Adam most of the first season because, yes, of course, he fancies him. Halfway through the season I had my suspicions.

Why is it that the bullies are usually into us and the only way they have to keep their emotions and feelings in check is by bullying us? Is it because the only way they can make us take notice of them is through harassment? Is it that they are so afraid of the boners we unintentionally provoke in them that they try to neutralize us? Internalized homophobia really is poison. This does not mean that I think that almost-forgotten bully from my high school days was into me (he may have been? I have no idea? I basically can't remember his face clearly and I never even bothered to learn his name?) but the almost desperate use of force Eric displays to make himself noticed by Adam struck a chord. I was never alone with that boy in high school, though. I have no idea if he was into me or not. Funny thing is, one thing I remember is that he was not ugly, he was just fucking obnoxious.

So in Sex Education Eric and Adam's arc and character growth are as complex and emotional as it is for any of the straight characters and that is something that sets this show apart from other shows that focus on somebody's teen years. Having queer representation on a TV series (or streaming series) is very important, IMHO. How many black kids are seeing themselves in Adam? How many confused teens are seeing themselves in Eric? How many young queer people are seeing that romance and romantic feelings are not something they'll have to live without? Feeling that we are not the ONLY ones who want to climb the most popular boy in school is normalized and a that's a relief. These characters seem fully fleshed out and we totally tend to identify with them and their cute romances. The idea that we as gay people can see ourselves reflected on the characters in a popular show in such a way implies that there's been a shift in perception and treatment of queer romance in tv series and in the media. Yay us.

Now that I kind of think about it, I have never, ever seen or heard of that bully again. It's been years and I have no idea whatever happened to him. I don't do high school reunions because I have never felt the urge to attend any. I remembered that during graduation he tried to approach me and he didn't really even register. I was absolutely busy with my friends and my sister, who was visiting. Elated that I was going to college, and I barely paid attention to the one guy who was trying to say something to me. Only later I realized it was the bully from the bus who had said something to me after the ceremony. I don't even remember what. I told you he did not register with me. I think it could be that he may have been closeted and was using bullying as a cover, as it's usually the case. Or maybe he liked me and did not know what to do with the attraction (hey, I was cute back then! Who the fuck is not cute in some way when they're eighteen??). I have no idea what his motivation was, really. But yes, queer kids nowadays have many more images of themselves in movies and tv series and see bullying and recognize for what it is: a symptom that needs to be addressed and hopefully that helps them feel less lonely, less alone in a sea of heteronormativity.

Oh, and for those of you who do have Netflix, have you checked Sex Education yet? The second season is out and I binge watched it (of course) during a weekend. You should put it in your queue. Trust me, a little education never hurt nobody....

XOXO