bodies and movements
I was doing my readings (as one is wont to do) and suddenly this quote by Mia Mingus hit me on the face:
As the (generational) effects of global capitalism, genocide, violence, oppression and trauma settle into our bodies, we must build new understandings of bodies and gender that can reflect our histories and our resiliency, not our oppressor or our self-shame and loathing. We must shift from a politic of desirability and beauty to a politic of ugly and magnificence. That moves us closer to bodies and movements that disrupt, dismantle, disturb. Bodies and movements ready to throw down and create a different way for all of us, not just some of us.Are we, as Michelle Visage says on Drag Race, relaying on pretty? Are we so focused on the beauty that we see that we forget what is it that makes us human? Is beauty the only currency that we seem to appreciate when negotiating our moving through life and applying that standard to our self-worth in order to achieve some sort of relevance in our own eyes? Is that politic of desirability and physical beauty affecting the way we see the world at large? We only have to look at the political process in the USA, and see that we only talk about 'electability' and 'relatable' and the conversations we have around our possible political leaders (always tied to their physical appearance) to understand that this superficial view of the world is affecting us in real time.
Manchester-based charity the LGBT Foundation has warned that body image issues are becoming more widespread in gay communities. It says gay and bisexual men are "much more likely" than heterosexual men to struggle with them.
A number of gay men have told the BBC they are going to extreme lengths to change their bodies - including using steroids and having plastic surgery - just to become "accepted" by others in the LGBT community.
Several said pressure from social media platforms and dating apps was exacerbating their body issues.
"Guys with stunning bodies get the comments and the attention," says Jakeb. "I've not gone on dates because I'm scared of people seeing me in real life. I would honestly have plastic surgery if I could afford it."
BENHUNTE
I have to confess that I have measured myself against some standards that are absolutely insane and I recognize, stupid. I would never go the the extremes some men (like the ones in the article by Ben Hunte) but I do sometimes question my desirability against the men I see on the myriad photos I always see online. It's a useless endeavor, I know, but it's something that I sometimes catch myself doing more often than not.
It's not that I think I'm hideous or that I have body dysmorphia. It's just that sometimes I find it difficult to keep up with the demands that media (and what we see everyday) puts on us. It's a struggle, I know. And a vain one at that. Because there are so many more important things over which to debate ourselves than over being pretty...
XOXO
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You gotta learn to be happy with yourself, if we all looked like the perfect man, then we'd obsess about something else, or nitpick Mr.Perfect into oblivion. I can look at a hot guy, like Laith, and admire him, and perhaps feel a twinge of what might be called jealousy, that I don't look like him, but we all cannot look alike; how dull would that be?
ReplyDeleteIf everybody looked the same it would be pretty dull, I admit.
DeleteThe problem is the barrage of messages, really. Especially when you're not in a relationship. Damn.
XOXO
I think people in the rapid age of social media, make choices in a snap, based on a picture or an image, without taking even a nanosecond to get to know the person. That's a shame.
DeleteSo very true.
DeleteAnd that’s something I rebel against. I can’t with the two second judgement that I will be faced with once I decide to date again, or with an image that does not tell me anything about the person behind it. I’m not ready. I want place where the person comes through and the connection is real.
Ugh. Can we have gay 1998 back?
XoXo
I realized long ago that I’ll never have a beach body or one that I like to ogle. I like food and about the only exercise I get is walking the dogs, shoveling snow in winter and cutting grass in summer. I try to eat right but getting in activity is difficult.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the most part I’m fine with that. If I can’t be valued by someone for who I am, I’m not sure I want to be with that person. I’m not perfect and I don’t seek perfection. Do I like to look at guys with nice bodies? Yes, but I also like to look at art and listen to beautiful music, areas in which I also have no talent.
So take me as I am, or not. It says more about you than me.
XOXO 👨❤️💋👨
Of course it says more about the one doing the looking than about the one being looked, right? The thing is, when it comes down to reality, it 's hard to separate the two.
DeleteFrom a logical point of view, it seems an easy decision, though...
XOXO
While I do enjoy a nice body , I know i will never look like a model and it doesn't bother me. But I do believe in the gay community this issue has burst open and is worst then it's ever been. While I am on Instagram....it does het tiring the amount of "male/ fitness" models you see. And it's just selfie after selfie after selfie on each page. Too me it says 1- very self centered, 2, boring...do they have no other interests?, and 3, to see Instagram you'd think every guy is gay. Why's even more interesting, once you view one of many of their digital business cards... Like Twitter..
ReplyDelete.its is amazing the number of them sucking dick and all hooking up with each. A straight friend of mine commented once. " Jesus I feel like shit. Is every fucking guy now gorgeous ripped and gay?"
This coming from a guy who is very easy on the eyes too. That's a issue.
Oh, yes. It's even worse now, with the validation that comes through social media and hookup apps. That is something I have noticed. As I showed you all in that IG post I made, just by looking at certain photos, the algorithm flooded my search with a barrage of images of impossibly beautiful men that seemed to live to be beautiful.
DeleteAnd yes, I agree. It seems that every fucking guy who's gorgeous is gay. And that's heavy.
Ugh.
XOXO
From the early days of Hollywood and film, and print ads, then TV, people have always compared themselves in the looks department and wished they could look like Clark Gable, Montgomery Clift; then it was Troy Donohue and that crowd. The thing which makes it more pronounced now is the plethora of places via the internet in which to view others. We seek out beauty and then wish we could be the beauty others seek out.
ReplyDeleteI have always thought I was ugly - - yep, downright ugly. Instead of wishing I could be gorgeous and built, I concentrated on what I had to offer instead: my artistic talent. It took a lot of work to climb the ladders in the various areas I worked, but I did. So, I guess I satisfied myself with my reputation. It has served me well and I'm satisfied with that. 'Course, I'm old so it's easy to say now. LOL. xoxo
I agree. But one thing is to have some kind of role model, you know. Those men where handsome, of course (hello, Rock Hudson) and they still hare (hello, Ryan Reynolds) but the thing is that those were naturally unattainable. Now they pop up in your fucking cereal. They're everywhere.
DeleteAnd I don't really wanna be them, I think. It's more that we're competing against Joe Schmoe who apparently spends his life doing pushups and crunches and facials. It's very superficial.
We all have our something, I know that. And I know that beauty is absolutely superficial (have dated some pretty but dumb men) bu the pressure is still there. I imagine it helps when one's got somebody who enjoys the warts and all, too.
LOL and yes, hindsight is 20/20 indeed.
XOXO
Yep. You're absolutely right. The beauty of men back then was natural. Today I hear about men going in for all kinds of plastic surgery, too, in an effort to be handsome, to get rid of the love handles, etc. I kind of feel sorry for them, because that is a self-esteem issue brought on by media (tv, films, fashion print ads). Men have swallowed the pill that women took decades ago. xoxo
DeleteCorrect. Like the guy in the article. The pressure is so great that some men give in and go under the knife. For dick. Because it’s all about making themselves fuckable. Yep. Men (gay men) are pretty much like women in that respect.
DeleteXoXo
Like any system of oppression, unrealistic body image demands on straight women and gay men require that people collaborate with their own oppression. The system will have power only for so long as people believe, accept and want those standards to rule. The ability to dismantle the system lies with us, if we're strong enough to do it.
ReplyDeleteI agree with that. It's like symbols of status: we need to allow them to become our obsession and are only important as long as we consider them important. Overall, I understand that if I fall into it, it's my own damn fault and intellectually, I reject the oppression and refuse to follow the standard they impose.
DeleteWhat I wonder is why I let it get to me sometimes. I think it's a reaction to the fact that I see it everyday everywhere....
Wise words, Debra.
XOXO
Very good interview. I think the body envy has always been there, but now there's less inhibition on showing it. And on those occasions I go to the gym, it's obvious it's not just men, there are a lot of women there who want that Barbie Body.
ReplyDeleteI thought so, too. She had extremely good points.
DeleteAnd it may be that we have all become gawkers, given the easiness with which the beautiful bodies are found, I guess. And it is a system that affects everybody, as you and Debra point out. But especially gay men and women, who tend to put more emphasis on looking attractive to a possible mate...
XOXO
Well this pandemic isn't helping my body out. I am wearing my mask inside the house to help from eating or drinking everything. Take care.
ReplyDeleteHahaha
DeleteIt's absolutely not helping mine, either. I'm telling you. Temptation is all around the house! And exercising and moving around much less than I usually do is gonna make ME use a mask indoors too!!
XOXO
Hey... don't hate me because I'm beautiful! Well on the inside at least! Hahaha!
ReplyDeleteLOL
DeleteI know, Steven, I know.
XOXO
Accepting yourself is one of the most important things out there, and of course, in the LGBT community. Everyone goes through it. As soon as we do it, we can live our lives like a real person. People and the culture around the world's changing. Slowly but surely so, things are already getting much, much better. Pretty soon, we'll live in a better world. I know it sounds funny but, you'll see.
ReplyDeleteIt’s more about the pressure to be shredded and have 0.00009% body fat and impeccable haircut and an instagram account. And that’s seeped into the dating/hookup scene. The barrage of beauty is overwhelming. Not even in quarantine we can escape it. Now it’s about looking fantastic while in quarantine. It doesn’t stop. I’m gonna go have some chocolate.
DeleteXoXo