Fourteen

Fifty number one dance hits.
Fourteen albums.
Nine number one albums.
Eighty five singles.

Say what you may of Madge, (and I know that some of you have OPINIONS) but girl has had staying power. With singles in the eighties, the nineties, the oughts, the '10s and now the 20's she's been a presence in dance floors for almost four decades. Just think of it. Fifty number one hits in the Dance charts. People trash her, but to this day, they still dance to her songs.

I used to have all of Madonna’s albums, along with promotional singles and remixes of many of her songs. Then one day the basement where they were stored flooded and I lost most of them. I will confess that I did not take it well. Not only because I also lost many mementos of my life before and during college but because I had traveled all over with those records. Music has always been important to me and Madge has always been part of my music.

So yeah, this is another Madonna post: one song from each album. I decided to do my own Immaculate Collection in honor of Madonna: The Rusical. Here we go, my favs from her first album to her latest. And trust me, it was not easy to make up my mind. I do like my Madge.

One:



This song is more than thirty years old and it still makes me dance. It is also, IMHO, quintessential Madonna. The bare midriff, the black outfit, the crucifixes. I wore this look my own way for years. I still wear a black leather cockring as a bracelet. Few people notice. And the ones who notice, then know what to expect, hunty.

Two:


Even though some think Material Girl made Madonna, I think Like a Virgin is much more of a seminal kind of record. It did follow closely Michael Jackson's Billie Jean beat and even though it was not written by her, she made it her own. That and the fact that Mary Lambert squeezed every drop off Madonna's sense of freedom and sexuality and that I stole my grandmother's rosary to wear it after I watched the video should tell you all you need to know about this song.

Three:



Oh, this song.

Four:



Cherish has mermen. And mermen are my all-time fantasy characters. Mysterious and unreachable. Yeah, you can read that as you want. But this Bruce Weber-directed video is a feast for the eyes. Rumor has it Madge was pregnant when she filmed this video. She was luminous.

Five:



I basically love all of Erotica. I think it's one of her most brilliant albums along with Ray of Light. I used to have the Erotica book but I lost it years ago in one of my many moves. Never got over it. In Bad Girl (directed by David Finch, who went on to make features) Madonna is basically my alter ego if I were a girl. Very Looking for Mr. Goodbar (google it, it's basically 79% of the gay men I know), Madonna evokes ethos and pathos int the same measure, she lets us know that the balance between sex and power is always a tricky one. Oh, and fucking Christopher Walken is the angel figure right out of Wings of Desire. Want something more?

Six:



Express yourself, don't repress yourself. That's my fucking mantra, bitches. Human Nature is a giant rhetorical question asked to the world. This song affects me in ways other songs can't because it taps into slut-shaming and the idea of really not having to defend your choices. I have always been an ethical slut, so this is basically my national anthem. Not to mention that the video is equal parts sexy and humorous. What better combo?

Seven:



This was a difficult one. I think that Ray of Light could be Madonna's best album. I love all of the songs in it and I find them beautiful and haunting. But Nothing Really Matters stands out. For an electronic music track, it's strangely earthy and haunting. 'Give me comfort in your arms'. That lyric gives me goosebumps. The video is equal parts beautiful and puzzling. Some people see it as an ode to motherhood (obvs) but I take it as basically, my life. The last scene of her dancing in that kimono really cinches it for me. Love this song.

Eight:



When it came out, Music sounded to me like nothing Madge had put out to date. It's, in theme, very 'country' and so is this song. I found it profoundly intriguing, given Country music's penchant for perpetuating themes of machismo, white supremacy and populism. I found the video to be totally subversive and the lyrics to be really poetic and sweet. I love the image of the man trying to tame that horse. Love it.

Nine:



This being a Bond theme song, it offered a larger context in which to be observed: the fight between good and evil. I also like the tension between the Id and the Ego that it portrays. The video is dark but the music swells and rocks. It sounds to me very orchestral (as any good Bond theme would) and even though I don't feel like I want to dance to it, I like the way it sounds.

Ten:




Je suis désolé
Lo siento
Ik ben droevig
Sono spiacente
Perdóname.

I have heard those words so many times. Oh, I've been played and used by men. I'm not ashamed to recognize that. I've listened to men lying to me and telling me stories I knew were bullshit and I've stayed, like an idiot. So yeah. Dickmatized to the core. This song and video do speak to me, honey. And I love the idea of roller skating all night long while listening to disco. So there's that.

Eleven:



Hey Maddie!
I saw her perform this song on tour and I loved it even harder. The whole candy-as-metaphor-for-sex is a little heavy (it's Madonna, bitch) but the message is clear: I like my hard candy and I'll have it. Or else. No further explanation needed.

Twelve:



I do like other songs from this album but I like this video better. It's very Fellini, very Cinecittà. It does not have an American feel to it and I really like that. It's also a nostalgic ode to that time (remember?) when music actually played on the radio and there were no MP3s or Spotify. I also like that she's in control, as always. She hangs out with the whores and the pimps and the grease monkeys. Girl does not disappoint.

Thirteen:



In an eerily prescient post-apocalyptic Wisconsin, Madge gives it to me: rosaries, tooth gap, Stevie Nicks attitude and a cape. That's how I see myself in prepper garb: fingerless gloves, some eyeliner and a shotgun. Just add Tango-ing with Terrence Howard and I'll be happy. I won't be needing anything else, thank you very much.

Fourteen:



I've already written about this video, and my assessment stands: love it. I love the lyrics, I love the beat and I want Maluma to ravage me into the early hours of the morning. What else could I ask for? Nothing. That was a rhetorical question, hunty.


Honorable mentions:



Last year I watched this being played on VHS in a record store. I stopped and gawked. Really. Nobody could hold a candle to Madonna in her heyday. Nobody. When they -of course- banned this video on MTV, Madge turned around and made a pretty penny by releasing it on video. The same video they were playing in that record store. Bitch has always been genius when self-promoting and making money. Also, the video was directed by Jean Baptiste Mondino and it evokes a cool, dangerous sexuality even after all these years...



And you can dance... for inspiration!
Come on, I'm waiting...

XOXO