Lethal

Un Año de Amor - Luz Casal

I've been bingeing on Almodovar's movies, because it's a fucking pandemic and why the hell not? I love his movies. And Amodovar's style fits my mood to a T, because lately I've been strangely emotional and prone to melodrama, just like his movies, full of technicolor splashes, scene chewing and dark humor. Some may say it's my temperament, but I think this viewing binge is happening because I'm spending too much time with myself and as you may know, I'm sometimes too introspective, at best. At worst, I'm a little obsessive.

So I ran into Miguel Bosé as Letal in a movie and there you have it. I kind of crumbled. It's funny how a few notes at the beginning of a song and the sound of a voice singing some things you could have thought can lead you down the rabbit hole of ruminating and reminiscing. I may have a listening mechanism that activates my overthinking. I got to thinking that when a relationship ends, it does take a minute to realize it has indeed ended. I imagine it's survival. We don't wanna dwell in the past. Still, the past has its ways to come up and it pops up when you least expect it. Oh, yeah. It’s the pheromone withdrawal. It's the memory of a touch, of a shared laugh. It's the many places you visited and the people you've met together. It's the lack of that emotional support you had and that's not there anymore. It's knowing that there's no going back.




Mina - Un anno d'amore (1964)

So that song brought up emotions I thought I had already processed. Silly me. That song, mind you, it's not really a reflection of anything. The lyrics are devastating and the delivery is on target, but that was not what got to me. It was not a year. It was several. And the days still go by, filled with other things and other people, even if they're virtual. I am not despondent, natch. What got to me was that nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know that there's something's missing. Like when you're bingeing on the movies of a certain Spanish director prone to overblown passion and fantastic bursts of color and suddenly you begin thinking about your love life. Yes, just like that.




Nino Ferrer - Un an d'amour - C'est irréparable (1963)


So Letal comes out in the movie (Tacones Lejanos, btw) and does her thing with that Luz Casal song and I'm suddenly basically on the verge of tears. Just like that. All the kitsch, all the drama, all the tangled lines in the movie disappear and there's only you and yourself. You realize you're in your feelings. It's funny because lately I have not been prone to melancholy or bursts of theatrics when it comes to my life. I tend to accept things for what they are and not look for motivations or hidden meanings. I thought I had it all under control. Silly me. There's no such thing.

On top of that, this sheltering in place leaves me alone with myself way too often. And that can be risky. Left to my own devices, I will overanalyze anything. I guess that's why re-watching this movie and that scene in particular and that song specifically got me all tangled up. And I thought it was gonna be all fun and laughs. Don't get me wrong. It was fun. It's always fun to explore one of your favorite movie directors and sit around and eat popcorn plopped up in a comfy sofa with your feet up and the lights just so. But that song got to me.

It's probably just a sign that's telling me that I'm still alive. That even though the world seems to have reduced its speed, things keep happening. And I get that feeling not because I only leave the house to take long walks -weather willing, of course- or for quick supermarket runs, it means that life has not stopped. Everything keeps moving. Life, feelings. Maybe this physical solitude got too metaphysical for the duration of that song. Maybe I was just having one of those days. Maybe all I need is to get over myself and snap out of it.

XOXO

P.S. On a brighter note, I can totally see Maddie doing that song and bringing the house DOWN. I volunteer to do the coaching with the Spanish. Or the Italian.