In the middle
Oh, this got pushed to the back and I have been meaning to post about it for awhile. Some time back, Maddie (who's the expert in all things drag) basically talked about this same mini-documentary. It's about Courtney Act, the stunning RPDR contestant that's gone off to become a household name in many countries, thanks to her taking part in several reality competitions.
Courtney Act, the witty name that plays on Aussie accents is the name by which most of us know Shane Jenek, an Australian singer who got a taste of fame during the 2003 when she took part in Australian Idol. Courtney was also part of RPDR in the states, making it to top three and then won Big Brother UK a few years ago. And the thing is that, because Courtney is so pretty, people forget that Shane also lives there.
The idea of being gender non-comforming is something that many cisgender gay men cannot really wrap their heads about. The thing is, we have to admit that some cis gay men are very wrapped up in the binary. Where do you think that the cult of 'straight-acting' comes from? Duh.
You see, being a feminine boy is not something that's easily digested by the image-obsessed; macho-posturing world of gay men in general. The idea that a gay man can be feminine sometimes rubs some gay men the wrong way. Call it internalized homophobia, fear of being called 'a woman' or just plain old stupidity (masculinity is not defined by how 'manly' we can appear to the world) the fact is, that many gay men are terrified of men who appear to be 'too' feminine. They are blissfully unaware that they would have cracked at half the pressure those femme boys were put through most of their lives, natch. It takes balls to be a sissy.
It was not surprising to me to learn that Courtney was wildly successful where Shane had suffered bullying: the same men who picked on him for being too much of a sissy boy wanted to get with her when she was Courtney. Isn't that ironic, Alanis? Courtney was getting all the -actually straight- men who would pick on a femme gay boy. The drag queen got all the attention that the straight-acting gay men craved. I would laugh if I weren't rolling my eyes so hard. Courtney has also been a wildly successful communicator, facing off with homophobes (as she did in BBUK) and coming out on top.
What many people -especially cis gay men- fail to understand, is that gender is a fucking continuum. Courtney exists in the same universe that Shane exists. Courtney, because of her beauty, is celebrated and accepted -as the illusion of a woman- and Shane takes a back seat as a not-so-macho man but they're basically the same person. Making femininity palatable for the masses is a struggle. Gender identity is not limited to the binary, and we all should be aware of that. Shane, as Courtney, has started a good conversation. A conversation that we all should be willing to carry out. Because being a man or a woman or both should not be such a big deal.
XOXO
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It’s disheartening that someone is only accepted when the are being someone else. Shane has so many good qualities that are amplified through Courtney. And he’s very handsome and funny in his own right.
ReplyDeleteBut I guess that’s really part of being an entertainer, isn’t it? You’re celebrated for being someone else. In the end, I guess it all comes down to doing what makes you happy. And fir Shane that’s being Courtney.
XOXO 👨❤️💋👨
Well, Courtney is undeniably pretty and people love pretty. But you are right, Courtney is just Shane amplified. The problem I see came when people would forget that and there was some serious disconnect on what they wanted and what he had to offer.
DeleteXOXO
I feel for Shane. I'm not the most butch person. Quite the opposite. I remember telling one of my college buddies that I was gay...his response "we all knew". It was quite a blow, and hard to digest. I thought I hid it well. But I know that I am quite effeminate. My voice and even the way I walk and some movements. But I've become more comfortable in my skin. And I don't care anymore. There are times when I "camp" it up, just cause I can and know how to. I carry a man-bag or as my partner calls it, a murse. I'm proud of who I am and embrace all.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great JM!!!!!!! I know we would be thick as thieves together!!!!! Come over for lunch...we can wear Stilettos!!!! I also carry a man bag if out for the day.
DeleteOMG same!
DeleteI am not really butch. I'm more like a soft butch lesbian LOL
And I loooooove murses. When Zara came out with crossbody bags I got four. I put my phone and now my mask in there and don't worry about losing them.
Maddie, you and I need to have lunch. Damn this pandemic.
XOXO
It's quite simple: take people at their word and as they are. If you can't do that simple thing, then you have the problem.
ReplyDeleteso true!!!
DeleteAbsolutely.
DeleteThe thing is, we project in people a lot of who we are and what we want. I think that's what tripped Shane: he can give people Courtney but he is NOT Courtney.
XOXO
Hear, hear! Sissy men and butch women get a lot of abuse in the world and that is so wrong, because both are delightful!
ReplyDeleteI love butch women.
DeleteI love them. I think they're brave and handsome and assertive and awesome. I want to reincarnate and come back as a very butch lesbian who rides horses , romances ladies with picnics and practices archery. And is very rich. Yep.
XOXO
Wait...is this what we used to call multiple personality disorder? 😉
ReplyDeleteI was bullied when I was a kid for being too "sissy." Well, junior high school beat that right out of me, though over the years my wife has actually helped me embrace my feminine side. We ALL have different "people" we present at different times and in different situations. Being a cis-bi (is there such a thing?) is freeing, really. Despite a father who beat me, despite the bullying in school, I've finally learned to love me. XOXO
Hahaha. Nope, that's not it.
DeleteAnd I was a very sissy boy but was rarely bullied. In high school I hang out with the tough boys so nobody messed with me. It paid being purdy and bookish. And you are right, we all present different to different people. I can camp it up to high heavens with some people and be considered a dick with no sense of humor by others. And yes, there is such thing as being cis-bi. It's all on a spectrum.
And I'm glad you're you. And that you love yourself. It takes time, but it's worth it.
XOXO
I don't find it surprisng that some straight acting gays are overly attracted to drag, however most of the ones I know are more interested in football players, and baseball players; they also tend to spend a lot of time at the gym.
ReplyDeleteOh, those are the cheap facsimile.
DeleteCourtney is talking about cis hetero guys being attracted to her. The gays you are talking about are all noise and no action. They would be useless while camping or while playing a sport because they're just a facade.
XOXO
I don't even no where to start on this and keep from writing a book. First off, I could give a shit if macho men or jocks think of me as fem or not. I feel fem, but most friends disagree. You just look like a average cute gay male. But I can totally feel for Courtney. While I never came out, I was bore in a pool of glitter, and was always gay...normal to me, I never had to come to terms with being gay. But I was very insecure with looks. It wasn't till I did drag and the Mistress Borghese was created...then a monster WAS created. Doing drag help gave me the self esteem and be bold and brave that Stephen didn't have yet, even though I was never bullied much. Of course it got to the point where people only wanted Maddie at all the parties and clubs. It wasn't till I met my friend who was a trainer, to help me work on my body and build up. THEN all of a sudden the boys didn't mind me doing drag.Gay guys anyway. It's a wonder what a toned body and nice size cock will do!!!!! Straight men were always hitting on me, and even after I told them I was a guy...they didn't care. So really , Maddie really gave birth to Stephen!!!! But, dear I always knew how to dress..as both sexes. Because as your aware, a drag queen is someone who has way to much fashion sense for one sex. When I stopped doing drag on a regular basis, I kept up with working out. I guess porn will be next......
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I heart you.
DeleteYou are my spirit animal.
Second, YES! to everything you wrote. The Mistress is just a projection of your awesomeness. I think it's fantastic that you found that outlet for your personality and your wit. Your friend had the role that Chaz Bono had in Courtney's life: they showed you that you're fantastic beneath the glitter and glam. And you know that gay guys are superficial but a nice body and a nice dick always persuade them to reconsider their priorities.
And you are right! A drag queen is someone who has too much fashion sense for one sex!
Werk!
And honey, if you ever do porn, I'm sure the boys will pay a pretty penny them there are goodies!
XOXO
I think the issue is also generational. I know when gender fluidity became a hot topic, I initially balked, thinking it was just a means of getting attention or differentiating or hopping on a band wagon... and that it would all just go the way of pet rocks (see, generational). But I changed my tune pretty quickly... it's the Kinsey scale brought to life. Only, instead of sexuality it has to do with gender. And you hit the nail on the head regarding sissy boys... and, again... there is a generational element. Gay men didn't want it to rub off or reflect badly on us. That was the fear. Guilt by association. Stupid, but true. And that's why so many are afraid of drag, too. I think the whole gym bunny scene is in reaction to that. Anyway... just typing out loud, here. This is an interesting issue and I like your take on it. These days? I don't see gender. I see a person. Either that is a person I think I can get along with and respect or someone who needs to evolve a little before we could spend time together. Bottom line? I can't / won't / don't change anybody... that's the work they need to do themselves. I just need to accept them for who they are and if there is enough to keep us together, yay! And if not? Well, there's a whole world of people. Kizzes.
ReplyDeleteYou know what, Upton? You may be right.
DeleteNew generations of kids seem more open to many topics we (because I'm not a teen) find sometimes difficult to understand (I cannot understand their anxiety about FOMO) and gender fluidity can be one of those slippery topics. I agree with you, after being demonized, generations of gay men decided they would not want to be pointed at and regarded as freaks. The gym bunnies are a good example. Nowadays we have the masc-for-mac crowd.
We need to have a good convo when this pandemic is over. I love how you see things.
XOXO