Oh, Peter

Last Friday, the girls at Drag Race All Stars had to write a song to their celebrity crushes. They choose from Hannibal Lecter to Mr. Rogers. It was fun, in true Drag Race fashion, with double entendres galore and campy references. But what caught my attention was RuPaul herself confessing her crush was Peter Lupus, from Mission: Impossible, the original TV series. And I can totally see why. Can you?

The thing is, when we talk about the man we fantasize about when we realize we LIKE men, that man is usually tied to some kind of pop culture moment. We make the object of our lust or desire somebody who is easily recalled, someone who is part  our daily life, part of movies, TV, sports. Someone who can be summoned at a moment's notice to fulfill a fantasy or two. Hence Ru mentioning Peter Lupus, right? He was on TV and was what we could call famous. And yummy. Beefcake for days. Can't blame her.

Well, when I realized I liked men (very early on, by all accounts) I did not focus on one man, exactly. It was more the idea of a man: a combination of movie star, superhero and man next door. He did not have a specific face, or a specific body. It was mostly the idea of him, somebody who was big and strong (I've never been a big guy, even less when I was thirteen,  so 'big' is very relative) and who could do things with his hands and could make things happen. It was more the concept of a man than a man himself, for me back then. This He-Man who was equal parts real and imaginary was there for the longest time. He was a sex god and good friend. Buddy and fuck buddy. Sadly, he was none of those men whom I enjoyed when I was in my teens, mind you. I can barely remember most of them but they fulfilled their role: they were there when I needed them.

But at the end I guess those long forgotten men made me who I am today, more than my fantasy crush. They were mostly runaway lovers, of course. We've all had them. Like it or not, we get our education from our lovers, basically.  And the thing is that we never get our money back if it was bad instruction. But I'd have to say that my fantasy crush of those years may still be here with me. Just waiting for the right words to come back to life. I don't have to say his name out loud because he hasn't got one. Nevertheless, when Ru, in classic Ru fashion said: "do not Google Peter Lupus naked" that's the first thing I did. And I was not disappointed.

Talk about fantasy.

XOXO