Oh, Alain....

@PietroBosseli

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My first @gqitalia cover! Printed on lenticular paper, superimposing Michelangelo’s masterpiece “David”, the ultimate symbol of Renaissance and classical perfection. I am humbled. Thank you to the team behind this fashion editorial shot in 3D for the first time. Editor in Chief: @audiffredi Fashion Director: @nikpiras Art Director: @federigogabellieri Photo and digital art: @buildersclub_london

A post shared by Pietro Boselli (@pietroboselli) on Jul 14, 2020 at 11:13am PDT

So sex is easy, right?

Wrong. We, of course complicate it. Alain de Botton gives a fantastic talk on love and sex and I strongly recommend you watch the whole thing (it's got to be on YouTube, you know how they are with anything S-E-X). Fun and illuminating. Just like sex should be.

In case you don't have time (or it's TLWW) here's what I got from it. Mind you, everybody is going to get something different out of this talk, but this is what stuck out for me:

First of all, what makes sex sexy? Apparently, sex's appeal stems from its ability to overcome loneliness and alienation by creating a private, intimate connection with someone (no matter how short that connection could be, natch). The act itself, even the seemingly 'dirty' aspects of it, becomes a symbol of acceptance and cleansing. Yes, the dirtiest the sex, the cleaner I feel. I can attest to this. Good sex leaves you feeling... lighter??

Attraction and symmetry: While evolutionary biology suggests we're attracted to symmetrical faces (and beautiful bodies) as indicators of health (see photo above), de Botton emphasizes the deeper psychological aspects of attraction (that we most times overlook because, well, we are horndogs). We're drawn to individuals who possess traits we admire or find lacking in ourselves (even in a trick, I imagine). And that's why I think men can talk me into bed: I like intellectual stimulation and andmire intelligence as well as a nice, hard dick. They cannot be separated in my world, tho. This is also why I will not fuck Republicans. Eww. I despise them.

Problems of sex: The two main problems we face are having too little or too much sex (agreed). Too little often results from conflating sex with other relationship aspects (e.g., finances, family). Too much sex can be a way of avoiding painful emotions or responsibilities. And this is something that I, as a gay man can relate to. I've had both (too much and too little sex) and in both instances the relationships have gone kaput. Yes, too much dick and nothing more can get tiresome and Lesbian Bed Death is not only for lesbians, hunny.

Solutions (which are not always easy to implement): To increase satisfying sex,  apparently we should strive to rediscover the initial attraction to one's partner, perhaps by using tools like the website "postyourpartner.com" or a luxurious hotel stay to separate the sexual aspect from daily life. To combat sexual obsession (hello, bathhouses), he advocates for self-awareness and a degree of self-censorship to avoid using sex as a distraction from important issues. And I know that many gay men go for quantity instead of quality. Been there. Done them.

The absurdity of sex: So, at the end of the day,  our sex drive reminds us of our own absurdity and prevents us from taking ourselves too seriously. The pain and pleasure of sex offer a valuable lesson in humility. Because yes, when we take someone into ourselves (or the other way around), we are in one of the most awkward, vulnerable positions we can be. And we should learn from that: it's not that serious. It's just sex.

XOXO