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Gay, gayer, gayest.


When I watched this video I remembered when I signed up for Meetup years ago and Chicago had a group of men that got together to... cuddle. Just cuddle. Cuddling was their thing. I found that fascinating. The idea that human touch is necessary may seem alien to many people, but it is obviously not. Touching and being touched is innate in us. It's human nature to crave being with others. I was somehow not surprised by this group or other similar groups where sex was only in the mind because that's what we think by default when we think about being so close to other man. Especially an attractive one. But it's true, that group existed. I think that the whole cuddling thing was even in the group's description. I wonder how they are doing now that COVID-19 has hit. They've probably dissolved.




This pandemic has changed so many things, especially the way we relate to other people. I was talking to someone who was always regularly on the apps, hooking up and having fun. He has not had a man in his house since March. We were talking about the extra weight that those who do not have a partner/fuck buddy/lover have to carry during the pandemic. It's weird, but even fuck buddies have become something beyond the wham-bam-thank-you-man fixture for so many people. They're like an almost-boyfriend for many at this point. The emotional ties have deepened in many cases. I don't think the pandemic has changed the way gay men relate to each other, but I'm sure it has made some stop and think about the way they see each other. 




The idea of the NSA relationship was something that nobody thought much about before the pandemic hit. Hooking up and having sex for fun has been a staple of gay life for years and years. Even when the AIDS epidemic hit,  men kept hooking up, even though it could mean death. And now it could again be a death sentence, what with not having a vaccine. I know that there's still gay men out there hooking up, but I think that's madness. How can you get your health (and the health of others) at risk for some fleeting dick? There's no prophylactic measures to take when breathing or touching can get you sick. Really? What are they doing? Carrying around a mobile glory hole? I sometimes cannot even deal with what people do sometimes in the most mundane occasions. And I have become slightly paranoid, almost anti-social-gatherings. Nowadays, I don't like going out that much for leisure and when I do go out, I go to a park or some other open space. I have been to two thrift shops since March and I noticed how I kept my hands in my pockets and the mask on my face. I don't want to touch anything or anybody. Let alone get intimate with a stranger who's going to go his merry way once he cums. 




I have not even been out to eat in a restaurant in all these months. I've had take-out several times but that's it. I have not even seen many people up close beyond the people in my 'bubble'. I don't think I'm doing Thanksgiving with any group of people. It's funny how so many things we considered natural and even mundane are now either coveted or missed terribly. I miss going out without feeling weary of other people. Especially those who cannot keep their fucking masks over their noses. Ugh. 




I have not been in MeetUp in like, forever, but I think the platform probably has pivoted to provide other kind of services. I understand Grindr and the such recommend that people stay safe while hunting for dick (how they do that is beyond me) but I also know that there's still some men out there playing Russian Roulette with their dicks. I have no idea how they do it. But until there's a vaccine, this is the new normal, I imagine. 

XOXO

P.S. No, I'm not talking about Hair Furor and the fuckery that this election has become. Ugh. I hate him so much.

Comments

  1. Men are conditioned as children not to touch or hug or show affection to other men, sometimes even within their own family, But we all need that connection, and there's nothing really wrong with it. Hugging another man doesn't make you gay, it makes you human.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Word!
      And this is something that amazes me to no end. Affection as weakness. It's what gave us Hair Furor, by the way. Cheeto is the idea some men have of powerful: an unloving father, a transactional husband and a bully. There's nothing human about Twitler. The idea of 'manly' that some men have is not human.

      XOXO

      Delete
  2. You’re right, babe. Touch is a very important aspect of a relationship. Whether it’s holding hands, touching a knee, or hugging, it releases hormones that make us feel good, makes us feel safe. And we need all the good feelings we can get.

    When you can do it safely, reach out and touch someone.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right?
      Isn't it just natural? How is it that people (especially men) see touching as aggression or sex only?

      XOXO

      Delete
  3. I watched the Bear Week video with amazement. I'm no prude, but as an older white bearish guy from the midwest USA, the behavior of men in Provincetown is both alluring and repellent. I suppose it is to many who attend events there too. I have to work on being less judgmental. No doubt others would be judgmental of my life choices. It looks like the point of it all is acceptance and love. And we need more of that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, you're not alone.
      There's a dichotomy in gay men that's very difficult to pinpoint at times and very clear some others. And we all judge.
      At the end like you say, it's all about acceptance....

      XOXO

      Delete
  4. You and I, kid. Same boat. Take out food is about as thrilling as my life gets. I miss Grindr. I miss Scruff. I miss cruising the woods. But I keep reminding myself what is at stake and how I could never forgive myself should I bring Covid into my very tiny world. But that doesn't stop me from wishing I could get me some strange... leave the garage door open, strip off all my clothes, get on all fours and wait for it. Sigh. I am having fun remembering tricks from the past. And I worry that time is not on my side. But... hey, it is. This is what we have to deal with. And that's my attitude toward it... head down and move forward. I remember how I thought back in March that this all would be a thing of the past in June. Silly rabbit. Chin up, dear. Do what we can, change what we can, live each moment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha Oh, Upton.
      Can you imagine that takeout is the height our our week at this point? Who knew?
      And I think we will eventually go back to something similar to what we had before the pandemic, not the same, mind you, but similar.
      I think the freedom of touching is one of the casualties of not having a vaccine. And you are right, chin up. After all, there's always a silver lining...

      XOXO

      Delete
  5. Haven't eat out since the first of March! Date nite is now 'Drive-thru nite'. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones having a husband. Though he loves working from home, it keeps me from doing my normal weekly routine of cleaning , etc....I have lost track of the day of the week except by what TV show comes on I like that day.

    Never heard of "Meetup". That must be new.

    I'll be glad when it is ALL over!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same!
      Date night is picking up the takeout or having it delivered. It kind of loses some of its allure, but I rather have safety. Going into a crowded restaurant to pick up your food and seeing that NOBODY is wearing a mask makes you lose your appetite.
      And I feel yo about the routine! I have chopped my day in segments so I know what day of the week it is! LOL
      And Meetup has been around for awhile. It's useful when you move to a new city and you don't know anybody... or it was.

      XOXO

      Delete
  6. i love to be sweet and passionate and i love kisses and cuddles. However, in my opinion, the gayest place in (my) world is in my head.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same.
      I need to be touched, and kissed and held. And you're right, the biggest sex organ is our brain.

      XOXO

      Delete
  7. I’d pay for a cuddle
    I miss them

    ReplyDelete
  8. I miss not being able to see friends, or eat in a proper restaurant. but I wanna live more than die of COVID-19. FUCK THE DUMP AND FUCK THE MASKLESS FREAKS!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not seeing friends is a killer.
      Restaurants and movie theaters have been a no-no from the beginning.
      Could yo believe that some MAGAts were wearing tshirts that say they'd rather get COVID than Biden? Idiots.

      XOXO

      Delete
  9. I was raised in a cuddle free family, no hugs, we were proper. No touching.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you're not alone.
      I've known many men like you.

      XOXO

      Delete
  10. Haven't been inside an eatery since Feb. Haven't seen anyone outside my immediate bubble since Mar. It's ugly and still feels odd. Like Dave, we did not hug, we did not show affection in our family. There were very few people in my life now that I did share any kind of touch with - but they were there and I miss them. Someday. Right? XOXO

    ReplyDelete

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