Gay, gayer, gayest.

When I watched this video I remembered when I signed up for Meetup years ago and Chicago had a group of men that got together to... cuddle. Just cuddle. Cuddling was their thing. I found that fascinating. The idea that human touch is necessary may seem alien to many people, but it is obviously not. Touching and being touched is innate in us. It's human nature to crave being with others. I was somehow not surprised by this group or other similar groups where sex was only in the mind because that's what we think by default when we think about being so close to other man. Especially an attractive one. But it's true, that group existed. I think that the whole cuddling thing was even in the group's description. I wonder how they are doing now that COVID-19 has hit. They've probably dissolved.

This pandemic has changed so many things, especially the way we relate to other people. I was talking to someone who was always regularly on the apps, hooking up and having fun. He has not had a man in his house since March. We were talking about the extra weight that those who do not have a partner/fuck buddy/lover have to carry during the pandemic. It's weird, but even fuck buddies have become something beyond the wham-bam-thank-you-man fixture for so many people. They're like an almost-boyfriend for many at this point. The emotional ties have deepened in many cases. I don't think the pandemic has changed the way gay men relate to each other, but I'm sure it has made some stop and think about the way they see each other. 

The idea of the NSA relationship was something that nobody thought much about before the pandemic hit. Hooking up and having sex for fun has been a staple of gay life for years and years. Even when the AIDS epidemic hit,  men kept hooking up, even though it could mean death. And now it could again be a death sentence, what with not having a vaccine. I know that there's still gay men out there hooking up, but I think that's madness. How can you get your health (and the health of others) at risk for some fleeting dick? There's no prophylactic measures to take when breathing or touching can get you sick. Really? What are they doing? Carrying around a mobile glory hole? I sometimes cannot even deal with what people do sometimes in the most mundane occasions. And I have become slightly paranoid, almost anti-social-gatherings. Nowadays, I don't like going out that much for leisure and when I do go out, I go to a park or some other open space. I have been to two thrift shops since March and I noticed how I kept my hands in my pockets and the mask on my face. I don't want to touch anything or anybody. Let alone get intimate with a stranger who's going to go his merry way once he cums. 

I have not even been out to eat in a restaurant in all these months. I've had take-out several times but that's it. I have not even seen many people up close beyond the people in my 'bubble'. I don't think I'm doing Thanksgiving with any group of people. It's funny how so many things we considered natural and even mundane are now either coveted or missed terribly. I miss going out without feeling weary of other people. Especially those who cannot keep their fucking masks over their noses. Ugh. 

I have not been in MeetUp in like, forever, but I think the platform probably has pivoted to provide other kind of services. I understand Grindr and the such recommend that people stay safe while hunting for dick (how they do that is beyond me) but I also know that there's still some men out there playing Russian Roulette with their dicks. I have no idea how they do it. But until there's a vaccine, this is the new normal, I imagine. 

XOXO

P.S. No, I'm not talking about Hair Furor and the fuckery that this election has become. Ugh. I hate him so much.