Dress me up

I was deciding what to wear on NYE and was torn between a pink and a black hoodie. I decided on this extra-large black hoodie with Billie Eilish on the back to wear with white slim pants (I don't care if it's winter. I wanted to wear that hoodie with my new shoes so, white pants it was) and I heard something along the lines of 'that's a huge hoodie, it looks like a dress'. It had never crossed my mind, but the damn hoodie is huge (I love it) and it goes down my thigh. So it could absolutely be a dress? But it is super comfy, warm and it looked dope. So I wore it. And it didn't kill me. But the comment stayed with me. I definitely think we need to talk about 'girl's clothes' and 'boy's clothes'. What is considered verboten from one to wear? Are there really limits? Yeah, because we sometimes get stuck in that’s for ‘boys’ and what’s for ‘girls’. After all, we were brought up in the binary and there’s no escaping that fact. We all grew up with the idea that there’s clothes (and things) for boys and for girls, specifically. But there's always two sides to a coin.

Initially, the people who wore high heels were aristocrats, both men and women. Thackeray, writing of Louis XIV, described “the little lean, shriveled, paunchy old man, of five feet two,” gaining eight inches with a towering wig on top and high heels below. The well-turned leg was a masculine thing, shown off by knee breeches.

MATTHEWWILLS

So many of the garments and colors that are considered 'masculine' today were not considered so centuries (and even years) ago. Have you taken a look at what people wore in the seventies? Do you remember when men wore jeans that actually fitted well? Hello, 1985. I also think most men (especially gay men) get trapped in the binary question of 'is this for me?' and 'will this make me look gay'? Because many men actually think that being 'manly' has to do with their bodies not being put on display and by the choosing of certain colors and cuts considered 'masculine'. I think that for some men, the choosing of clothes usually becomes an exercise on denial. And there lies the problem.  A problem of poor self-esteem and toxic masculinity, exacerbated by the need to conform. Talk about drama.

For years, I've heard girls swearing by men's jeans: they're comfy, they fit right at the hip, have leg room, pockets, and are slimming. And these are things that many girls like. And what did designers do? They created the 'boyfriend look': jeans that are marketed to girls but cut like men's jeans. Oh, the thought acrobatics. On the other side, I think that girl's clothes are much cooler, much more stylish and definitely more fashionable. I've been known to wear girl's skinny jeans. For awhile there were no men's jeans with some give in them. Don't get me wrong, I have five pairs of Levi's (button and zipper fly) and I love them to death. But they require some wrangling. And for my Doc Martens, I like the look tight jeans give at the calf while not letting the world know my religion (skinny jeans do tend to accentuate the package and the ass, alas... ) So girl's jeans it was. And I really like them. Lately, I have found that Zara actually has the perfect size for me (31/32, European, medium rise) so I've moved on to their jeans, but I still wear my 'girl' jeans. And I will do it until I'm too fat to fit in them. Fuck conventionality.

I also wear some colors that men don't usually wear: purple, blush pink and apple green. I wear them in ties, bow ties and socks, because as men, we 'accessorize' with ties and jackets, and in the 'professional' environment where I work (until the pandemic hit) it was kind of fitting to wear them. I was still wearing those jeans once or twice a week, mind you, because it's always good to give people a preview of what they won't have *evil laugh* You know how I'm always up to no good, even at work. But looking back I did conform to a 'masculine' dress code: sport coats and ties, not to mention combat boots. I'd like to think I give 'butch queen first time at the ball' vibes but if I don't, I hope I still send a message to the queer people that are seeing me every day: IDGAF about preconceptions and I'm there to represent. In that order. 

So next time you see something you like don't ask yourself if it's too boyish/girlish and just go for what you like. Oh, I know. It has to be also 'age appropriate'. Who cares? You can be seventy and still rock a pair of well-cut jeans. Or a colorful Ben Sherman and some Van's. You may discover that your disgruntled-caveman-looking-for-sasquatch-look goes fantastically well with that new piece of clothing you never knew you'd rock? Yeah, cool socks and underwear also count. Come on, you know you wanna...

Also, I've learned that pink was not always ‘girly'. Who knew?

Happy dressing up!

XOXO

P.S. I think the Dems are gonna keep the Senate! Woot, Woot!