Oh, visibility...

I first had a serious relationship with a bisexual man when I was in college. Yep. it sounds like a trope, but it's true. He was in his third year and I was a freshman. I thought he was very handsome but I had heard he had a girlfriend and I'd written him off as straight. I had had dalliances with ‘straight’ men when I was younger and I was fed up with their shenanigans. Those men were ok for a quick dip, but I was not interested in them. They bored me.  Then one day this man was hanging out with my friends and we stroke up a conversation. He was a riot. Quick, funny, sarcastic, smart. He made me laugh a lot. He also kissed me when we said goodnight and asked me if he could call me the next day. I gave him my number. He did call. 

We basically dated for a year. One week after I gave him my number, he took me to a tiny motel downtown and made me feel like I was the only fucking boy in the world. It was awesome. He also introduced me to Tracy Chapman, prostate stimulation and spooning. He was a lot of fun to be around. We used to go to the top floor of my building and listen to music while he smoked pot and kissed me for hours. We broke up about a year after that first date.  Afterwards, I heard he had gone back to the girl he left for me. She was pregnant with his child the last time I heard of him. Sometimes I wonder where he is now. 

I think Bisexuals are kind of stereotyped as omnivorous beasts of burden who would fuck a lamppost if left to their own devices. I couldn't disagree more. I've had relationships with several bisexual men and when they were with me we always set the rules of the game from the beginning. When I was with one of them I WAS with them. Seriously. I even met one guy’s ex-wives (two) and his children. I lived with one for almost two years. I had a relationship with a bisexual man for I don't know, maybe seven years? I have always known where I stand with bisexual men. I always make sure where I stand with any man I have a relationship with, that is. I need to know what my options are. It doesn't matter if the guy is bi or gay. That always needs to be clear. 

I think that people misinterpret what they see and hear about bisexuals. Bisexuals are not Bi-now-Gay later. They are bisexual. They are not sex fiends (my favorite kind of fiends, btw) but the ones I've dated have been great in bed, and they are not unfaithful by nature. They love who they love when they're in love with them. I think all that badmouthing of bisexuals is bullshit and insecurity disguised as a warning. As with everything, there's shades of bisexuality. I suspect that many men who are on the 'down low' are bisexual. There's many men who have been married early in life and then realized that they have fallen in love with another man. There's men who have had homosexual relationships all their life and then fall for a girl. And they're still bisexual. Sexual orientation is in a continuum, people. Men who claim they have been 'cured' of their homosexuality are most probably bisexual and have chosen not to act on their attraction to men. Pray away the gay does not work, natch.

I also agree with Michael's idea that the term Bi does not mean that they are attracted to just two genders or sexes. The term focuses on the binary because we are used to the binary. The definition of bisexual differs from person to person and it's not transphobic or exclusionary. Being bisexual is also NOT pansexual. That's something different. Pansexuals are people who are attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender. There's semantics involved, people! Also, bisexuals can (and probably will) have long (and short) term relationships with men or/and women during their lives. A girl I met while she was in a relationship with another girl married a guy after she broke up with her girlfriend. I did not bat an eyelash when I was invited to the wedding because those things happen, people. 

I don't understand the whole brouhaha about bisexuals. I really don't. What I do know I’d that everybody has got an opinion about them. Anyway, it's Bi visibility week, so... if you know a bisexual, tell them to celebrate. If you are a bisexual, here’s to you, sexy beast. 

XOXO