Preferences
Oh, we've been here before. Haven't we?
I am wondering if hookup apps are gonna have a Come to Jesus moment and stop being racist. Apparently Grindr has promised to remove race and ethnicity from its 'preferences' (but leaves it on for the fags who have the pay version, gah!), so there may be a tepid effort to help (white) gay men stop being racist?
Because, honey, let's be real. It's not a 'preference'. Liking vodka over gin is a preference. Liking rosé over red is a preference. They're not 'helping' others take themselves out of the equation when hunting for dick by openly stating that they will not fuck somebody because of their race or ethnicity. They're just being racist. It's very simple. I am always amazed at the mental gymnastics some gay men put themselves through in order to justify the fact that they only want to fuck other white men. It blows my mind, because they're usually... nice? They're just not aware of their racism. Isn't that sad?
Oh, and people do have their 'preferences'. I, for example, really like tall men. That does not say that in a hookup profile I'm gonna write 'six feet or taller move to the head of the line'. Or 'no midgets'. That would be rude, right? Now imagine if you are Asian, Black or Latino and you find profiles stating that you're not fuckable because of your race or ethnicity. What a joykill, right? Having a 'type' is not a crime. Explicitly saying that somebody is not your 'type' because of his race, is, well... racist?
Now, going all the way to the 'other' side is, well, fetishising. If we only wanna fuck Black men or Asian men then we may want to question why is it that we don't want to fuck other races. And notice that I wrote 'want'. Because like it or not, we've been conditioned to think about who we 'like' to fuck by the media and society. If we only watch Bel Ami hotties getting it on all the time, we would be led to believe that all fuckable men on earth are Eastern European muscular white men in their mid-twenties with broad shoulders, long legs, washboard abs, pouty lips and ten inch dicks. Don't you think?
The commodification of sex by gay men who use hookup apps is, well, a tiny problem in the world right now, but I thought I would bring it up because I like stirring shit up. And because I still think that writing 'no Blacks, no Latinx, no Asians' in hookup apps is fucking racist. Don't worry. there's still plenty of non-racist dick floating around gay hookup apps. Just try to leave the racists out. It's always a good look.
XOXO
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Darling, how I miss the 80s. Way back then all we had to do was buy someone a beer at a gay bar and ten minutes later you either fucking in the bathroom or on your way to their place for a wild night of hot sweaty man sex. On a good night, of course. Now with all them anti-social apps the list of "preferences"(requirements) listed to even say hello to someone have become extensive to say the least. Call them what you will, but my mind, all these "preferences" are the new machetes gay men cut each other down with. Sad.
ReplyDeleteYour right. These apps are the downfall of many things on many levels.
DeleteIsn't that funny?
DeleteIt's going to end up being that the 80's not only gave us shoulder pads and What Have You Done For Me Lately? but also the golden age of gay dating? I like how you call them anti-social apps. Because they ARE anti-social. They promote some kind of arrested development on gay men that's going to take awhile to reverse.
XOXO
That's just it Sixpense. When out in a club or bar, I'd talk to guys, and you could see they were struggling for conversation, and their body language would suggest nervous anxiety. The app give people something to hide behind...and does a job on the social skills...now when their out, they can't even carry a conversation, unless your come right out and say Wanna fuck. Some bars I go to I just like talking, so it's sad to see when they can't do it.
DeleteEverything has to be easy ...click all the right boxes, whittling down your desired preferences until the "allegedly" perfect man is that last one standing?
ReplyDeleteWhat happened to in-person? What happened to talking? How do you meet someone based only on a photo and a few choice words? Now it's all instantaneous click or swipe. If all you want is a fuck, then post your picture,write 'Fuck me' and put your info out and get fucked.
I'm glad I missed this nonsense.
That a right gurrl!!!!! I meet my men the old fashioned way. I got no time for back and forth messaging....and face and dick picks and all that other shit. I like person to person and always have luck with it. Plus no worrying or anxiety about a first meeting. And sometimes then no talk or having a drink....the direct approach of fuck me works quite well then too!!!!!
DeleteMaddie, are you hitting the gas station restrooms again?
DeleteAnd I can't with that kind of lazy-ass attitude!
DeleteEverything is a commodity, including sex. Especially sex among gay men. It IS nonsense! i understand horny like the horniest of them all, but really. It's beyond. I agree with Maddie about the person-to-person method of meeting people. Especially men. Even if it's for a quick dip.
Dave, gas station sex is like gas station sushi: do it at your own risk.
XOXO
Bob has said it: Post your picture, and write "Fuck me." It's as simple as that. When you list a preference when it comes to race, I hope you understand **you** too can be cut out on that same principle by others. See how that works? XOXO
ReplyDeleteBut Big, that would imply that there's some kind of self-reflection in the man behind the profile. I think we're asking way too much from these superficial, selfish people. They would never, EVER, think that someone is going to say no to THEM.
DeleteAnd that's part of the problem.
XOXO
You've got a point. Well, they lose, really. I mean, it's CERTAIN that I'd be passed up on any of those sites..... I surely was passed up enough in my youth to know that. But when someone did get past the usual "He's not handsome enough..." well, it could be fucking amazing. Or should that be amazing fucking? LOL. xoxo
DeleteHa!
DeleteThey never know what they are passing. It’s their loss, I think.
XoXo
Beyond sex, we should remember that we are first of all single human persons.
ReplyDeleteOh, Xersex.
DeleteIsn't that the main problem with humanity? Its lack of humanity?
XOXO
There are two preferences of men for me. Foreign and domestic. I like all men period.All men are my preference. And like i told Steven in a email once I have no opinion on date or hook up sites...since i have never used them or frequented them. Never was my scene. I always kept FWB on speed dial. Plus I just never had time and yet one more site tracking your every move. That's how I roll.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha.
DeleteSame! I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm an ethical slut. All men are my preference too! I have used Grindr and I can tell you that it's just appalling. Not only because you can (and will) find abysmally stupid and superficial men there but because they become absolutely annoying in a never ending cycle of 's'up?' and disembodied dicks.
FWB are the best. Aren't they?
XOXO
Tiny problems are still problems and typically symptomatic of an underlying issue. That said, yes... I appreciate black men... I just do. I find they possess an allure I am drawn to. But then I can also say that about Hispanic men, Asian men, Older men, etc. Because relationships and sex... it's about people, not skin color. It's about who someone has become and whether their deep speaks to your deep. People being unaware of their racism... yeah. Nice people can be so un-self aware. That's why we all have to dig deeper and demand more of ourselves. Question our motivation and the thoughts we hold. And share our discoveries - admit where there is room for improvement... expand our damn minds. That's why I love the term WOKE. Because, honey... too many people be sleeping for way too long!
ReplyDeleteOh, yes.
DeleteLike Maddie said, I like ALL men. I like men because they're, well, men. Not because they belong to a specific race or ethnicity. Like you say, it's about people. It's about finding someone who allows us to get our freak on and off.
And yes! 'Nice" people can be absolutely un-self aware (which is not an excuse, mind you) it's a pity that that may apply to 70% of the men on hookup apps...
XOXO
"Back In The Day".....people would gasp as I would be on the dance floor doing The Bump with a black guy. Fuck 'em!!...If B D Wong hit on me I'd be naked and on the floor on all fours so fast; or Raul Castillo (from Looking) started breathing on my neck......another 'legs up' moment!
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is, Why?
That is outrageous.
DeleteBut we also have to remember that 'back in the day' could probably be forty years ago, not one hundred years ago. People do need to grow the fuck up as humans.
OMG Raul Castillo. Yes! Yes!
XOXO
"Band Of Gold". I still remember the song we danced to. You can look up the year it came out.
DeleteNice!
DeleteFreda was groovy!
XoXo
I could never understand it. You’re missing out on some wonderful people. But yeah it’s racist as fuck. I’ve never turned down an opportunity to broaden my horizons.
ReplyDeleteIt’s fucking 2020 get your head out of your ass.
XOXO 👨❤️💋👨
But bae.
DeleteYou're asking way too much from self-centered, egotistical men who only care about their own satisfaction and point of view.
XOXO