In Their Own Words

Big Dick Energy:

confidence without cockiness. it is never misplaced and it cannot be simulated. it is the sexual equivalent of writing a check for $10k knowing you got it in the bank account. UD

Usually when I hear what men who consider themselves  'masculine' think about gender presentation and masculinity, I usually chuckle to myself. Poor dears. Very, very few of of them will ever have BDE. They may have big dicks, but never the quiet confidence and self-assurance that a person with real BDE has. The Masc4Masc crowd mostly lacks what the people in this video have in spades: an energy that immediately shifts the dynamics in a room, a knowledge of themselves that transcends notions of who should do what.

One thing that must be clear is that BDE a dick does not require. Nope. Some of the people with less BDE I've ever met have had ten inchers that would put Rocco Steele to shame. It's not the facial hair or the deep voice or the manspreading. It is something that goes way beyond that (have you SEEN Casey Legler??? Hot DAMN!). BDE does not care about your perceptions of the gender binary, Mary. Masculinity as the Masc4Masc crowd puts it, is a socially constructed notion. Real masculinity has to do with empowerment, self-awareness and lack of apology for loving. That masculinity that some gay men search is demanded in males and abhorred in females. How 1950's of them. Ozzie and Harriet or nothing. I'm cackling in my little corner.

Any of the people on this video has much more masculine energy that anybody decrying the sissyfication of gay men will ever have. Some gay men would stick to their idea of what a man should be and it's always some mental construction imagined out of outmoded and cartoonish notions of what a man must be (Castro Clone, construction worker, Preppy WASP, leather daddy. Basically the Village People). And the thing is that the people in this video don't even TRY to have that. Masculine energy is something that cannot be contrived or created. Same as BDE. Quiet masculinity, I call it.

Anne Marie? BDE, of course.

Maddie in drag? BDE (well, you know what they say about that one...)

Rhianna? Definitely BDE

Gay men in apps decrying their own faggotry? No BDE. No matter how big THEIR dicks are.

So go ahead, watch the video and enjoy some utterly cool people (Meshell  Ndegeocello, Roberta Colindrez, Jenny Shimizu, Lea Delaria!) talking about their lives and about things that many people never even think about, and realize how many other things make them special.  I'd rather spend an evening with any of them than with an overgrown fuckboi who does not even know when to shut up. Cis Gay men who get masculinity by default and expect others to mimic it for their own deranged fantasies are silly, delusional fools. Because at the end of the day, they will still get hard at the thought of another man's hardness. And that, in the eyes of many people, makes THEM less of a man. And there's nothing they can do about it. 

XOXO