That's the title of one of my favourite songs. The most lethal, the most essential thing is to hear your own voice. Also, keeping up with the idea of writing as catharsis, this one blog is dedicated all to myself. More Solipsism would be hard to find. And I like it like that. Oh, and this is a queer (and self-proclaimed 'ADULT') blog so go ahead, make your day... mine is done.
I really don't do drugs very often. I was thinking about it because dear Anne Marie posted that she was feeling no pain after her physician prescribed some drugs to help her post op recovery (feel better Anne Marie!). I have very seldom dipped my toe in the recreational drug pond. I never really did drugs when I was a teen. Or when I was in my twenties. I did hang out with all kind of people who enjoyed them, hough: sedated stoners, the occasional coke users, many functioning alcoholics, the groovy MDMA and amphetamine users, you name it, I hung out with them. Sometimes when we would go out dancing I think I was the only sober person in the room. I never did any of the drugs because I really didn't know the effect they were going to have on me. I witnessed some unpleasant reactions some times. Never felt the need or curiosity, I guess. Not even poppers seemed alluring. I think I tried Poppers once or twice and it was not pretty. Apparently Poppers gives me terrible headaches (my head felt like when you take V, but times ten!) and that basically beats its purpose. I think it's because it is a vasodilator? I don't know. I'm not a doctor.
So nowadays I only do drugs during December because I have a two-week break and I have the free time and I usually get together with some friends who love pot and I have figured out how to enjoy the ride. I am still not a good pot smoker. I cough too much (I inhale, natch). I have discovered that I like a bong or hookah pipe better than just rolled cigarettes. I'd rather have an edible or a pot muffin over smoking, though. I have a funny/scary story about edibles, though: I saw some gummy bears and I was told it was an edible. I was like, yay! and I ate it. The whole thing. Because I'm an idiot. It was during Pride weekend in Milwaukee. Last thing I remember was getting on that cable car thingy that takes you along the Henry Maier. If you know me, you KNEW something was going on. I don't get on things that take off the ground that easily. And there I was, taking selfies and waving hello to our friends and everybody who would wave my way. I was having a blast. The thing is, after some dancing and a corn dog, all I wanted to do was sleep. It was a very Alice in Wonderland experience.
The thing you have to keep in mind when you don't do drugs but decide to try one is that you need to be among friends and people you trust. And people who know how drugs work. Our sense of caution is dulled. Doing any kind of recreational drugs (and by that I mean pot or alcohol) requires a very controlled environment for me. And I have to make sure I don't over do it because I'm basically not used to it, so whether I have two drinks or take a hit is kind of amplified. And I inevitably fall asleep. Always.
When I watched this video by Brockhampton all I could think was 'OMG yes, this is how that feels like!'. Altered states could be fun, but they also have a lose-control/unpredictability that kind of puts me en garde. I'm slightly OCD, so I need to know that I have at least some level of control over my actions. I can let go for just so long before I start to really stop enjoying the feeling. I guess that's why I only do drugs during December.
P.S. Remember when all the stoners used to wear this t-shirt? LMAOOO
BTW, BROCKHAMPTON is a very cool music collective. And Kevin Abstract is a queer musician making waves with this approach to both redefining what a 'boy band' is and what collabs sound like. I'm sold. If you feel like it, you can also check Brockhampton's collab with i-D: a super cool, limited edition 'zine.