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loved him



Isn't it funny how we think that we're going to just 'click' with whomever it is that we find attractive? The privilege of living in a hookup culture has really spoiled us rotten. I was thinking that sometimes the stars just don't align and the object of your affection (or your lust) is just not in the same wavelength you are. This video made me think about that.

I think we're incredibly lucky when we find that man who makes us feel like we're sixteen going on seventeen and he feels just the same way about us. Sometimes it just doesn't work. No matter how much we like him, no matter how much we try to make him want/love us, he just can't. Or won't.  And we should not blame him. Or blame us. It just happens. 

It's life, right? Sometimes everything clicks but the attraction is just not there. Or the sex just doesn't work. Taking for granted that we are always going to click with someone is foolish. Maybe the fucking pandemic and the isolation it has brought has made me hypersensitive to anything that gets me emotional. And this short film kind of made me emotional. Not only because the conversation was so intense so raw, so connected to the moment we live in right now, but because it's so incredibly hot watching two men connect at that level. 

Yes, the sex may be good. But the connection you feel with him is what makes it worth to invest your time and effort on someone.

XOXO




Comments

  1. As you know, I came very late to the game with exploring my attraction to men. Other than a very special man I haven’t had any real relationships. But when you do find that person you connect with on multiple levels, and there has to be more than sex to make it work, that’s something special to be cherished and remembered. And for that I will always be grateful.

    XOXO 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, and I think we don't 'click' the same with the people we like.
      When we do, it's fantastic.

      XOXO

      Delete
  2. And then there are some who do find that they click in sex and wavelengths, but then still won't seal the deal

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't that funny?
      You'd think that fantastic sex could lead to something more substantial. After all, we let them into more than just our naked bodies...

      XOXO

      Delete
  3. All your words are true. The single long-term M-M relationship I had didn't pan out. Obviously. Fellow dancer, and we had lots in common, but he ran anytime anyone got too close. He still pushes people away --- and moans about the lack of social connections in his life. I am one of only two people who are still willing to talk to him. The rest of the circle we used to have all avoid him now. In fact we had a talk yesterday about this very subject. You try to encourage him and he pushes back with both arms. I ended up saying there is no help for him. XOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's crazy.
      But I also know people who run away from any kind of commitment and intimacy and yet they complain that they do not have deep connections to people. It's crazy!.
      I have no idea how to help someone like that...

      XOXO

      Delete
  4. I missed the whole hook-up scene, or maybe I just ignored it. I never really wanted that; I wanted a relationship and more, not just a moment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel you.
      I think that there's always been hooking up amongst gay man, what with the bars, the parks, and the tearooms, and the baths. It's just that nowadays is soooo very easy to just flip the phone and get some dick...
      But event that is taken for granted.

      XOXO

      Delete
  5. Interesting how some men are never tired of kicking the tires.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not a much as kicking he tires as it is expecting that there ARE tires there to kick. Always.
      It blows my mind.

      XOXO

      Delete
  6. I separate the two. Sex is one thing. An activity. Relationships are something else. That magic caring. That sweet caress. The act of sex is like a work out. You bring your skills, they bring theirs. If it clicks... fireworks. And that can lead to a relationship... but relationships are about compatibility on multi-levels. So that's where magical thinking F's us in the butt every MFing time. We are sold this ideal of romantic love and the religious beliefs imbued in us from infancy lend a hand in this magical thinking that there is an ultimate. But relationships? They're not romantic. You can bring elements of romance to them. Wooing and dating are fun. And sex can be part of that... or not. Relationships are two people sitting down and sharing toads. "Oh, here is this toad that I own. See it? Can you live with it?" Back and forth. If you're lucky you find someone who can live with all your toads and you have the means of tolerating theirs. It starts by owning our own toads. - That can't happen if you're a magical thinker. You're far more likely then to blame others for your toads. But, no... those toads? They belong to you. Kizzes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If it clicks. That's key.
      The thing is that many men do not even harbor the thought that it won't. It's assumed they WILL have dick as they wish.
      And I've never heard it expressed that way, but it's true: it's finding someone who can live with all your toads. Here's for those toads.

      XOXO

      Delete
  7. In my opinion, it is necessary to distinguish between attraction, affection, love. They are three different states and feelings. And, with different times, they can fade away. Life and the human soul are like that. Love is eternal as long as it lasts. Sometimes it lasts a lifetime, but it's really one in a million!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love is eternal as long as it lasts.
      Xersex! That's so true!

      XOXO

      Delete

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