Love Seats

Oh, you thought that just because it's not June I'm not going to keep doing #PRIDE stuff? Oh, how wrong you are. Upton was mentioning that even when June is over, we should keep talking about Pride. Pride is more than June. Pride is not something that corporations decide we should do for a month and then forget (even if that's what THEY do).

Today we’ll talk about words and what they mean to people. The LGBT umbrella encompasses much more than the LGBT folk, btw. I was reading at JoeMyGod (in a post about the debacle taking place with Boston Pride) that some people were tripping with the addition of some letters to the familiar LGBT menagerie and that it was hard to keep up with the new additions. So I'm gonna go over some of the ones I think people stumble over most often, according to my incursions in the blogsphere:

SOYOUWANTTOTALKABOUT

'Feel seen': that is crucial. Feeling that one is part of something is very important. Especially for younger people or people just coming out. Representation: it matters. 

Oh, Intersectionality. We should explore that one more. I find it puzzling that some people would think that BIPOC people would suddenly stop being LGBTQ+. Or that the T does not exist, especially when it's People of Color who are mostly the face of that letter. We fight oppression and injustice in many different ways. We cannot search for equality by picking and choosing which letters we're going to back up and fight for. Nope. It does not work like that. People share several identities at the same time, that affect them in very uniquely ways and we cannot forget that fighting for them and alongside them is part of what we do. 

Oh, Transition. People sometimes forget that transition is a very personal experience. There's no 'right' way to do it. We all see gender differently (especially cisgender people, who are more entrenched in the binary and mostly enjoy passing privilege) and we cannot (and should not) intrude in other people's transition process. Who's to say what's masculine or feminine enough? I am one of those people who see 'transgender' as an umbrella term that covers multiple gender expressions. 

Oh. Misgendering. It really kind of rubs me the wrong way when people misgender other people. I've been hurled the 'she', 'her' pronoun to make me feel less-than (as if being a woman is less-than, but that's material for a whole post, natch) or by mistake by someone deeply limited by the binary. When people do not read obvious markers of gender in you, they can make that mistake. Cisgender people do not seem to understand how deeply harmful and disrespectful is to violate someone's wish to be referred to with the pronouns they have chosen to use. When it's a mistake, I let it slide. When it is intentional, I find it enraging. 

The idea that in 2021 people would not stop and think about the difference between gender expression and gender identity tells us all we need to know about the work we have ahead. When it comes to gender it mostly kind of boils down to the way people express their gender identity and that can get tricky for some other people to understand. We fear what we don't understand, and gender is one of the things that everybody thinks they understand and very few people actually do. We are accustomed in the binary because it's easily explained and simple (especially some people who go for the very feminine or the very masculine) and this is a very tricky terrain for them.

Ohhh Demiromantic! I will have to do a whole post on this one. It's a very interesting concept and something that made me think about my apparent inability to carelessly fuck men off of Grindr or enjoy anonymous sex in the bushes more. Yeah, I'm that boy. I need to explore this tem more.

Cisgender: I was in a talk once and a woman stood up and told us that she thought being called 'cisgender' was somehow an insult to her, because it put her in the spotlight. She made it all about herself and not about people who do not have cisgender privilege. Talk about being blind to the obvious. I find the idea of calling someone cisgender perfectly adequate. Many cisgender people I know are oblivious of the privilege they carry. They feel entitled to it. They need to buy a mirror STAT.

I think that one of the things that has been more illuminating to me has been to find out more about Asexual people. It has helped me explain so many relationships and so many interactions, that I hope many more people would explore more what it means to be Asexual. We mostly associate attraction with sexual desire but it's not the same for everybody. Knowing what being Asexual means can help us understand that someone can love us and not feel the need to act on that attraction sexually. I know. It sounds complicated. And it is. Such is life.

Passing: something that most people who find themselves in the binary (and who are usually cisgender) never even think about. Passing privilege is real. It's related to gender expression and gender identity and to the way people present themselves and are perceived. It brings to mind the Masc 4 Masc debacle, but I won't poke the bear today. 

I think it all boils down to what they say in the post:

Equipping yourself with knowledge, especially when it comes to terms and knowing how to use them correctly, is important in helping the LGBTQIA+ community to feel seen and safe. 

And remember: Pride is every day.

XOXO