Collection 21
Living in a world of clones is boring. At least for me. And I'm not talking about gay clones, mind you, even though those also can get to me. I'm talking about the tendency that people have to strive to be 'normal'. I think it has to do with the pressure we all suffer to not stick out, to conform. We kind of are socialized to not rock the boat, to mix in. I remember in high school it was not too big of a deal to just be. After all, it was an all-boys Catholic school and quite homogeneous by default, but I remember my first semester in college was quite rocky. I went to a private - kinda religious- college as my parents wanted, and looking back, it was very oppressive. Too many rules and regulations and I stuck out like a sore thumb. That's why I applied to a public university right before my first semester ended. Luckily, I was accepted right away and I left those stupid fuckers and their rules behind. And just on time. After I left I heard rumors that some considered me to be 'too much' and were planning to 'talk to me' about my choices. Fuck them. The biggest irony? Years later I was offered a job in that same place.
But going to a public college was my salvation. I fit right in with the music kids and the theater kids and the artsy kids. Straight and gay and everything in between. Some were as weird and non-conforming as I was and some were just your run of the mill college students. My little group had everything. I had found my tribe. They were also a fantastic group of people, full of wisdom and empathy. Some of them even fed me for a month when I hit some hard times with my father. We were tight. I learned a lot from them and they made the first years out of high school be exactly what I needed them to be: a time to explore the world and find myself. We had study groups but they also taught me how to go thrifting. I got my first pair of 501's (button fly, not zipper) with them. I also learned to pick bow ties from boxes of old clothes and find the perfect Doc Martens with them. I was a sight, to tell you the truth. With a modified mohawk, my dad's suit jacket and pants two sizes too big I sometimes looked slightly off. I've never really fit in. Didn't then, don't do now. I guess it's a pattern.
But I think that was also my salvation. I established myself as a person and one of the consequences was that I did not need to come out of the closet to anybody, really. I also really never had problems liking (or finding) dick and I have never had to explain to anybody that I like men. It's all out there for anybody to see. I'm your garden variety queer guy. But I've also been at the end of some harsh criticism: once somebody's mother told me that the she'd prefer her son to be a delinquent than gay and I told her that she was in for a big surprise because it was not jail what he liked. I've also been on the verge of coming down to blows with homophobes on the street: somebody called me once a fag to my face and I told him to go suck a dick. He didn't like it and he was a six two football player. People had to intervene because I kept running my mouth. I've never really learned when to fucking shut up.
Thankfully, I've never been gay-bashed but I've been really close to getting into trouble. I kind of resent the fact that people expect gay men to just shut up and take the abuse others think they can inflict on us. I feel I have the same right to do as I please with my life as any other tax-paying, law abiding citizen. Fuck the world and its idea that a button-down shirt and some basic khakis are de rigueur. I'll wear a paper bag over my head and a tutu if I feel like it and if anybody has an opinion, they should keep it to themselves. Motherfuckers ain't paying my rent. I know some people prefer to fly under the radar, but I'm not one of them. I do not see the need to conform when I know that even when wearing the most basic JC Penney rags I'm still gonna read as a fag to the world. So fuck everything and everybody. I might as well look fab while doing it.
By the way, I love the idea behind this Balenciaga show. There'll always be non-conformists. And thankfully, we will always find each other.
XOXO
I love the concept, and I understand with covid everything going to video. But I wish I could have had a longer look at the clothes. It was a bit phantasmagoric at the end.
ReplyDeleteI agree.
DeleteThe concept if fantastic, the alienation and conformism are almost palpable. But the movie does move way too quickly to appreciate the garments. I think that with covid, there were no in-person shows and most fashion houses created conceptual mini-movies to show their collections. It does affect how we appreciate the clothes.
XOXO
We all have our stories. Sometimes we need to blend in to be safe, or we’re not ready to express our true selves. Sometimes it all just builds up and we have to let it out, regardless of the consequences. There is no textbook for living a life. There will be regrets and unfulfilled desires, but there will also, hopefully, be triumphs and celebrations.
ReplyDeleteHopefully, in end, the good outweighs the bad and we can look back and celebrate a life that was fulfilling.
And with the videos they are producing for clothing lines, it’s hard to see the clothes sometimes for the story. You have to watch it a couple times with different eyes: one for the story and the other for the clothes.
XOXO 👨🏼❤️💋👨🏽
Correct.
DeleteThere's no 'school of life'. For many people blending in is a survival strategy. I've known of many people who have done it just to stay alive. And I agree. I actually watched the video three times LOL. Well, I loved the concept and I really liked some of the clothes.
XOXO
I remember once instance my freshman year at college. I was walking back from the cafeteria to my dorm room and a group of guys (a couple who knew me, or knew of me) walked by and one of them said quite loudly "all fags should die". I was too embarrassed to say anything or rather afraid of the repercussions if I did. A few years later, ran into the same guy and he made small talk, was extremely friendly, even sat at my study table to study. I wonder if he remembers embarrassing me like he did.
ReplyDeleteOh, I bet he does not remember.
DeleteIt's part of the privilege of being a cisgender heterosexual man. And sometimes we do not say anything when we see or suffer injustice out of sheer self-preservation. I know. I've done it. I am a loudmouth but I also know when to shut up.
XOXO
I have always gravitated toward what most people might call the weirdoes, though I tend to call them originals.
ReplyDeleteI have always worn what I liked and looked like what i wanted to look like, and anyone who had a problem with that, it was their problem.
I prefer standing out, be it clothes, hair, attitude, politics social ideals, whatever.
Odd is better.
Instead of "weirdos" my friends and I refer to ourselves a non-normals. lololol
DeleteI love weird people.
DeleteFor one, it's my tribe. But also, people who break the mold always have something to say, always have super interesting back stories, always can talk to you about most anything. And some people look really good breaking the norm.
Like you say, people who have a problem with how other people act or look do have a problem: themselves.
@Jimmy: I'm a non-normal! LOL
XOXO
Can't say normal, fitting in was exactly my forte. But I know there were periods in my life when I did strive to do so. But, like you, when I found my tribe it was nirvana. No more need to not be myself. Not that that is anything outrageous. Not even close. But to be out from under the paternal bullying fists --- yep, it was much, much easier. Over the years, I took a lot of heat for my style of dress - it wasn't "professional" enough. Too bad. I still managed to do what I wanted, still made a difference in that world of make believe....because when it was important to impress the donors, I did. XOXO
ReplyDeleteWell, for you it was survival, Big.
DeleteMany people fit in to be able to overcome a situation that they cannot control. Many of us are lucky enough to find a tribe that fits us perfectly. Like you, some people think I'm not 'professional enough'. I've told them to go fuck themselves. When people hire me, they know what they're getting. They're getting the skinny jeans and the ties, but they are also getting the best they can get to do the job perfectly right.
And that's what counts.
XOXO
Amen, brother! XOXO
DeleteNormal is a bad word because it's a concept, a better word is average. Most people are average. Believe me when I tell you I have met thousands of average people. If they see someone dressed like one of those models they will laugh. I get the impression those clothes were designed by someone desperately seeking attention., who doesn't understand 'cutting edge' does not need to be outlandish.
ReplyDeleteMost people are also very dumb and very ignorant. Average does not preclude intelligence. I know many average people who are very intelligent and aware.
DeletePeople would laugh at someone dressed like the people in the video because they have no idea what a fashion show is. A fashion show is styled and presented to maximize a trend or a concept. It's a representation of what the designer has imagined. Very few people would want to get a whole look and wear it. The whole look only has meaning during the presentation of the collection.
If these clothes seem outlandish to the oaf next door, it's because they have no idea of what they are seeing. Ignorant people fear what they cannot understand. And fear is a very sad, powerful emotion that does not let the fearful person see anything.
XOXO
Huh. Your story. You're courageous. And clever. And so self-aware. How would you rate your self-esteem growing up? Your level of confidence? I'd also like to know about your family's economic situation. This fascinates me... you seriously sound like a character from a John Hughes film. Which? Bravo. Good for you. Has it served you well professionally? Did you land in a position where you are utilizing your strengths? Speaking your truth? Based on what you've written here, there was no ceiling to break through for you... you were already dancing on top of it... Fascinating. Thanks for sharing this. I want to learn more. Kizzes.
ReplyDeleteAww Upton. You're so sweet.
DeleteI think I learned to be self-aware as a survival mechanism. I was quite ok growing up. I think it had to do with being a bookish kid. I KNEW I knew more than most of the idiots that surrounded me. My family was ok, kinda average. And I would be Duckie, of course! LOL. I actually wear creepers.
And professionally, it has been a partial blessing being a weirdo. I work in a profession where knowledge and initiative are seen as an advantage and equity is king, so I'm lucky. I would not be able to work in corporate America, though.
I feel that we would be able to talk for hours. If I drive across Minnesota, I'd love to drop by your prairie. I'll bring some lemonade and sandwiches.
XOXO