When I'm Her
We all deal with trauma in very different ways. It's incredible the number of people who carry their trauma like a heavy armor all their lives. I cannot imagine the weight. I consider myself lucky that I have no trauma to speak of (several years of therapy seem to confirm that) in the sense that I can function quite well in most settings and no every day triggers seem to send me into a tailspin of depression or despair.
But unfortunately, that's not the case with many people. Some people carry their traumas with them most of their lives. Some of my friends have had to overcome their upbringing or things that have happened to them when they were very young. From terrible tragedies in their families to sex abuse to problems with relatives to just plain being queer in a very hostile environment. All kinds of things could lead to trauma.
I think that trauma related to sex and sexual abuse is one of the most damaging kinds of trauma that can affect a person. Sex is an intimate and essential part of ourselves and something that affects our relationships with others throughout our lives. Michael was taken advantage of by someone he trusted and that was devastating for him. Artists are delicate souls. The more the talent, the more fragile they are, in my opinion. It literally drove him away from something in which he excelled. Having that amount of talent at sixteen years old, I cannot imagine what he could have become.
When I watched this video, all I could feel was sympathy for the artist. It should be crushing to have all that talent and feeling paralyzed by whatever it is that does not let us access it. Is it embodying a Russian woman an unorthodox way to process trauma? Maybe it is, for many people, even unthinkable. But if it works for him, well, the more power it brings. He is mentoring people who can use his guidance, he's doing something that connects him with a world he loved. He's being the mentor he never had. My one friend always says it's not the falling what counts, it's how we get back up what matters. And I seem to have a soft spot for giggling, overpainted Russian ladies who are not Russian ladies.
XOXO
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I suspect there are a number of people who find even the smallest thing traumatizing. Many don't seem to understand there is a difference between trauma and drama.
ReplyDeleteOh, there is drama in getting fucked at fifteen by an older person who's supposed to take care of you.
DeleteThere is drama in getting pregnant by a relative at fourteen.
There is drama when you watch your mother being killed in front of you when you're a child.
There is drama when you are bullied for four years straight in high school for being gay.
There is drama when you're a child who gets beaten with an extension cord because they cannot find the belt.
There is drama when they send you to reparative therapy to change your sexual orientation when you're sixteen after you were threatened with homelessness.
But for all of those people (all of whom I know) there is trauma too. Lasting, painful trauma.
I suspect that drama for some is trauma for others. Optics, you know.
XOXO
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ReplyDeleteOh, Jimmy. *hugs*
DeletePBS has very interesting content, both online and on TV. Love their station and have their app in my AppleTV.
XOXO
You're right. We all deal with trauma in our own way. And to face what happened is.... Well, it takes an enormous amount of energy. To recall the abuse is one thing - sometimes the aftermath can be even worse. XOXO
ReplyDeleteOh, coping is a very personal thing.
DeleteAnd it can be draining to deal with the triggers. I have friends that have had to use therapy because it's so exhausting trying to do it on their own.
The aftermath can be as trying as the fact itself. That's what some people don't seem to understand.
XOXO
I think as long as we deal with things, large or small, we're on the right track. But if we ignore even the littlest things, they add up to something you might not know how to overcome. And there's nothing wrong with sharing your feelings about what you're going through, because you might meet someone who's been there and can help.
ReplyDeleteI agree.
DeleteIt's the little things, right? Microaggressions are as damaging as a slap on the face. Some people have told me that just having someone to talk to about things is such a relief. The weight of the trauma can be crushing.
XOXO
I can’t imagine the fear and anguish that they feel. Many times they try to figure out what they did wrong to have this happen to them. The answer is nothing, they did nothing wrong. They were failed by the system. They place their trust and it is used against them. Fortunately some find a way to cope with the trauma. Unfortunately, sometimes it has a tragic ending.
ReplyDeleteXOXO 👨🏼❤️💋👨🏽
Totally.
DeleteAbusers do not have a reason, and that's the maddening question people who are abused face: what is it that they did wrong? There's nothing worse than feeling that there's nowhere and nobody you can go to.
Dealing with trauma is deeply personal. There's not one-size-fits-all for it.
XOXO
Maybe it really has been that simple all along.
ReplyDeleteThe supposed to be's of this world... coping and acceptance are not optional.
Oh, Upton.
DeleteReally getting to that point is not easy. I've seen it.
XOXO